Last night I FINALLY saw this movie, after having successfully avoided all spoilers and all other spoiler-related debate. I will say that I’m glad I saw it. It looked, sounded, and moved around like a Star Wars movie. It was well-acted, and technically proficient. However, I wouldn’t call it a good movie. It wasn’t bad, but it also wasn’t good. So these are my impressions, entirely uninformed by having read any previous commentary. No doubt most of these have already been touched upon at length. So beginith the rambling…
The First Order’s go-to aesthetic seems to be making everything black and chromed.
The First Order… of what?
Poe Dameron was thrown out of the crashed TIE fighter so hard, it threw him right out of his jacket (which was entirely free of burns, somehow).
So uh do I talk first or do you OMFG I like Whedonesque dialoge but get it out of Star Wars.
At least two instances of very un-Star Wars’y but very Star Trek’y technobabble.
The political configuration of the galaxy makes no damn sense. If the Republic is now the reigning government, then their military force should just be, y’know, the army, or whatever. Instead we have this “Resistance”?
What do you do when everyone is looking for the unique, easy-to-spot droid you’re transporting? Hide it in the ship? No, you bring it along with you everywhere, leading to the massacre of everyone around you everywhere you go.
Hi, I was conditioned my entire adult life to follow all orders mindlessly, referred to only by a number, and treated like a generic, disposable combat unit-- until I decided to run away, at which point I act exactly like a regular dude with no residual personality weirdness whatsoever.
Kylo can sense his father when he gets within planetary range, but apparently not when he’s standing 50 feet behind him.
Every inhabited planet in the Republic is apparently within naked-eye distance of each other.
Apparently all a Storm Trooper has to do is ditch his armor to become a ten times better shot.
Yes, it was funny when Han commented on how cool Chewie’s boltcaster was. We didn’t need to repeat the gag.
Way too many ludicrously improbable coincidences. No doubt courtesy of J.J. “Gives No Fucks” Abrams’ influence.
TIE fighters suck… unless they’re being piloted by a good guy, in which case they suddenly kick ass and can take out armored artillery emplacements in one shot.
Speaking of which, also way too many “Yeah! So cool! We kick ass! Did you all see how much ass we just kicked!!! YEAHH!!!” moments by Finn. Yeah, we get it, you have the tools and you have the talent.
Look, we already built this torture chair set for Poe, may as well recycle it for Rey.
Rey gets competent at Force usage stupidly fast. Apparently jogging around Dagobah for weeks is for suckers.
“Snoke” is the least-threatening villain name since “Betty”.
General Hux is taking this shit way too seriously.
So now we know what it looks like when someone puts points into Force Tantrum.
Catwalks man… nothing good ever happens on catwalks.
Stormtrooper janitor? WTF??? So they send their janitors out on combat missions… I guess? And they know the technical details of top-secret superweapons?
The Starkiller is another thing that makes no damn sense. It’s massively larger than a Death Star, yet seemingly the only advantage it has is that it can kill multiple planets at once. Yay? Not much of an advantage. In fact why does it even need to shoot anything? All it has to do is show up in a system, extinguish the local star (by sucking up the entire mass of a sun into an object the size of a sma^H^H^H medium-sized moon, somehow), and leave. Or does it even go anywhere? The film never makes any explicit reference to jumping it to different systems, and in this everything-is-close-together galaxy, who can really tell if it has?
This one is admittedly really geeky, but there’s a moment in the light saber battle where Kylo twirls his lightsaber around, exactly like one would twirl a conventional sword. Problem is, light saber blades are massless-- all the weight is in the handle. So that twirl should be impossible.
Both Finn and Rey light up the saber in exactly the same pose. Yeesh, more repetition.
Either Finn and Rey are really good with a lightsaber (somehow), or Kylo really sucks with a lightsaber.
Behold the onslaught of Kylo Ren: Sith lumberjack.
Incredibly Convenient Chasm opening up there at the end of the light saber scuffle.
R2-D2 inexplicably wakes up, taps his ruby slippers together, and discovers the way to Luke Skywalker was within him the whole time. Somehow.
Final scene courtesy of “Hey, don’t you wish you were watching this in 3D?”