Oh god oh god I’m triggered
CORNISH PASTIES TRIGGER ME
Okay, you deserve story time:
So I tried to make Cornish pasties once. And only once.
Ahem. I was gonna go for chicken, carrots, corn, maybe peas in a rich white gravy with handmade dough. Taking advice from SeriousEats and similar joints, I decided I’d do a vodka-based pastry dough to maximize tenderness by inhibiting gluten production while wetting the dough.
So I go through the whole laborious process of cooking up the chicken filling, then cutting like 1/2 cup each of frozen butter and shortening into like 3 cups of flour with my food processor. . .
. . . and then I promptly fuck up and use fluid ounces instead of tablespoons on my miniature measuring cup I was pouring the vodka into (basically a little 1/2 cup measuring glass dealio I use for making mixed drinks since it’s marked in tsp, tbsp, fl oz, and mL). AKA, doubling the amount of liquid that was supposed to go into the dough.
Which, of course promptly ruined it, turning it into a gooey mass the consistency of cake batter rather than beautiful pastry dough. Oh, and it also used up all of my vodka. My fairly nice (to me at the time) $15/750ml vodka.
Devastated, I drove out to the liquor store, bought another bottle of vodka, then bought more butter at the grocery store and restarted the dough recipe.
It still came out a little gummy, but I persevered, making about a dozen pasties, eggwashing them and baking them to perfection.
Whereupon we learned that my girlfriend, despite finding the concept intriguing, could not eat them. The whole “pie-crust-esque” shell stuffed with savory food instead of sweet pie filling was too much for her brain to process and it revolted at the taste. Which meant I now had like 10 large pasties to eat by myself. (Spoiler: I did not succeed)
Undeterred, I took the remaining dough and stuffed it with jarred cherry filling. Unfortunately, by then, it had sat out too long and gotten a little soggy (butter was melting), and the liquid from the filling only made things worse, so by the end, I had these awkward blobs of melting dough barely containing sticky cherry goo. By then completely frantic, I nonetheless lobbed them into my deep fryer, whereupon the immediately disintegrated into a million pieces of rapidly burning dough and caramelizing cherry-goo, and not deep-fried fruit pies at all.
@Ginger_Yellow, I mean you no offense, BUT I WILL NEVER COOK YOUR PEOPLE’S GODDAMNED PASTIES EVER AGAIN