3381

Sorry Lynxara. I went through that myself a little over a year ago, and I also didn’t make the funeral. This won’t have any relevance to your decision, but it doesn’t bother me. I enjoyed my grandfather while he was alive, and I didn’t need to be at his funeral. However, if you are bothered by the idea of not going, I would recommend finding a way.

3382

Ok, why would you need a copy of a person’s resume in order to write a letter of recommendation?

3383

I had similar feelings a couple weeks ago with my grandfather’s funeral. My dad called and said that I absolutely didn’t have to go, and that everyone would understand if I didn’t. Because he’s my dad, I felt confused suddenly and started to wonder if I shouldn’t go…

But I did go, and I realize now that my dad was just trying to make sure I wouldn’t feel horrible if something prevented me from going. That’s probably all your parents are trying to do, so don’t let it bother you.

3384

When I write letters, I try to include specific examples of the student’s behaviors or activities that are relevant to the institution being applied to. Sometimes, you can incorporate information from the student’s resume to provide further support. For example, I often don’t know clubs my students are involved with, but if I read that one is an officer of the psychology club, I can use that, along with the discussions we had in office hours, as observable behaviors that set her apart from other students.

FWIW, about 65% of my students automatically send me a resume or curriculum vitae once I agree to write a letter, whether I ask or not. Maybe your professors just do it as a matter of course.

3385

It’s even more fun when you finish grad school and ask for letters for jobs. The only good thing is every job you apply for will be through mathjobs.org so you don’t have to do the dance of providing 20 addressed and stamped envelopes or website logins so they can send everything to the correct place.

It might be too late now, but one thing to note is that you might want to get an idea of what sort of letter they will write you before you have them write it. Most people are very honest about how strong the letter will be.

3386

I went through this in 2007 with my grandmother. I typed up a really long description of what I went through, but now I’m really sad and it’s just not relevant. If you feel like you should go, you should go. What other people think and what you feel you need to show your love for her and properly remember her are all that matter.

3387

I’m in the Seattle area for my Aunt’s funeral, which is on Friday.

She and I were not close, however, she left behind 2 children: a daughter, age 17; and a son, age 11. I was slightly younger than her son when I lost my mother, so there is some serious empathy on my part. I’m here for my cousins, not for the funeral, when it comes down to it. I sobbed my eyes out for those two when I was notified that my Aunt had succumbed to her cancer.

EDIT: Shit. Lynxara and Acid, please accept my condolences.

3388

Now that we live in a rural area and you can actually see the sky at night, I stayed up way past my bedtime with the Celestron Skymaster 15x70 binoculars that I’ve had for a few years and had never used until now.

3389

Yeah, I pulled some strings and arranged to attend with my husband. My parents seem pretty happy about it so I’m sure John Many Jars was right about what was happening there.

Thanks for the support, everyone, it’s been a great help. My condolences to Siren, Acid, and anyone else bereaved who might end up reading/posting in the next few days.

(I probably won’t have Internet access until I’m back-- grandma’s funeral is going to be in a very remote area of Kentucky.)

3390

That’s always fun to do. I still very much appreciate having the opportunity to see things like stars in the sky from my house.

3391

They rejected my first application :(

I did the web application thing, then they sent me a second form which I completed and sent back. I got a reply this morning saying “Sorry - you were not chosen”.

So I’ve sent in a second application :)
I strongly doubt this one gets further.

Once selected, participants have to pay them R7000 (just under $1000) to ensure their place. You also need to get yourself to South East Asia by 29 March. the money you give them is for your local flight from SE Asia to the island and a bit of other stuff.

You then go out and get your own sponsorship with 50% of the sponsored money going to your pocket and the other 50% to the charity you chose. If you’re sponsored $100 a day and quit after day 5 then that’s $500 of which you get $250. your charity gets the other $250 plus 100% of the remaining days - $2500 (totalling $250 for you and $2750 for the charity).

I’m hoping they reject everyone’s first attempt to weed out the ‘not so worthy’ people…

3392

I was wrong … and obviously not too worthy.

3393

I think you’ll be very happy you attended. It’s one of those things you can’t “redo” if you regret it weeks or months later.

My grandmother recently died, and as the oldest grandchild, I was asked to speak at the funeral. I initially declined, but decided to write something. The words flowed easily; the delivery was hard.

All during the shiva that followed, family, friends and people I didn’t even know told me how touched they were by my words. It made it all worthwhile.

3394

Hey–I couldn’t go to my grandma’s funeral. And it was 20 minutes away. I just couldn’t go.

Don’t feel bad. I lost Gram in May, and I’m still mourning.

My thoughts are with you. I’m sorry for your loss.

3395

I tend to agree with Acid on this one. I don’t regret not going to funerals. I just can’t handle them, but I’m someone who really can’t deal with getting emotional around other people. If it helps you to be around other people, by all means, go. If it’s worse for you to open up around everyone, don’t feel obligated. Everyone should understand you have to work it out your own way. I loved my grandfather to death, still do, but I’m glad I didn’t put myself through the funeral.

3396

Yeah, go if it helps you. And go if it helps someone worse off than you (and you have the strength to help out), but don’t go because it’s expected.

For me even though I’m not religious funerals have brought some closure (the right kind of funerals, fitting the person in the casket) and it helps to be around others feeling the same loss - but if that isn’t for you, you shouldn’t feel obligated.
But think it through, as Gladguy say, you don’t get the chance again and sometimes doing something that seems unpleasant ends up being good for you.

Sorry for your loss.

3397

We didn’t have a funeral for my grandmother, instead we had a family get together a few months later. It was extremely worthwhile. People told old stories and dug out pictures. It was special to have the family get together and share those memories.

3398

That is what we did for my father almost a year later (he gave his body to science, and they released the ashes close to 8 months later and we picked a nice late summer day for the “ceremony”)

3399

This month’s animal rescue occurred today, although I’m not sure that it was successful.

My daughter and I were driving from our old house (we just moved) with a load of trash to take to the dump, when I noticed an 18" tortoise on the side of the rather busy road that we were driving down. When I saw it, the he was about 2 feet from traffic and walking towards it. I turned around as soon as I could and headed back to see if I could get to the tortoise before it got hit. I frantically looked for somewhere close enough to the tortoise that I could park that car without leaving it and my daughter in traffic. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to find anything on my second pass, and had to turn around again. I got back to the tortoise just in time to watch it get hit by a car, which caused it to carom up the road and lodge under another car, where it was dragged until some kid jumped out of a minivan and flagged the car down. He crawled under the car and got the tortoise. Meanwhile, the minivan he was in pulled up the road and pulled over to somewhere out of the way. I pulled up behind to see how the tortoise was and while we waited for the kid to walk back, another car joined us. When I turned back to see the kid approach, he was empty-handed. I asked how the tortoise was and he replied that its shell was badly cracked, but it was still alive. Meanwhile, the lady in the third car keeps repeating “I’m an animal lover!” I asked the kid why he left it on the side of the road, and he shrugged. I explained to him and the animal-lover and the person driving the minivan that there was an emergency vet that would most likely take it. Animal-lover asked me if I would take it myself, and I replied that I would be more than happy to do so, but wasn’t comfortable leaving my daughter in my car in the middle of the road while I walked the 200 yard round trip to get the turtle, but if one of them would get it for me, I would happy to take it to the vet. Animal-lover and minivan-driver both mumbled something about having to go, and so they left. I was PISSED. I drove the three miles back to where my wife was, picked her up, and we drove back to where the kid left the tortoise on the side of the road. I parked the car on the median while my wife stayed with the baby, and ran across the road to the tortoise. His shell was cracked into several large pieces and a fair amount of blood was pooling underneath, but he had already stuck his legs, head and tail out and was making some effort to move. I grabbed him and ran back to the car, causing traffic to slow at the site of me crossing the road with a 20 pound tortoise that was dripping blood, and we drove him to the emergency vet. He was still moving quite a bit when we got there, but I didn’t have a lot of hope that he would survive. Either way, it beats the shit out of bleeding to death on the side of he road. Since our new house sits on a little lake, I spent most of the rest of today wishing that he could come live in the lake and have a badass carbon-fiber replacement shell and wondering whether or not he made it.

So I’m happy that the kid had the guts to flag a car down and crawl underneath it in the middle of the road, but I’m failing to understand why he just left it on the side of the road after that. I assume he thought that there was no way it would survive, but I just can’t grasp quite why he couldn’t go back and get it so that I could take it to the vet. However, Mrs. Animal Fucking Lover is who really pissed me off. Her only goddamn contribution to the situation was to talk about what a big animal lover she was, and was the first to leave when I suggested a way that she might be able to help the situation. Fuck her.

Pour some out for Tortuga the tortoise this evening, if you would be so kind.

Edit: An amusing aside to all of this:
On the way to pick up the tortoise, my wife wondered aloud how anyone could fail to see a tortoise on the edge of the road and tsked about people not paying enough attention. I wisely held my tongue regarding her propensity for running over curbs. Two hours later, she wasn’t paying enough attention to a turn she was making and ran over a curb.

3400

Yesterday was a bit too interesting. We went to see the Walking with Dinosaurs animatronic show (which was absolutely amazing, blew my mind completely), then went to a naming ceremony for my friends newborn daughter. Both him and his girlfriend are practitioning magicians so the ceremony was very unusual but also very moving. On our way afterwards to drop the kids off at a friends house for a sleepover/halloween party my mother calls me to say that my dear grandfather is very ill and not expected to last the night. So we get in the car and drive the two hours to my home town and here i am by his bedside. He has a bad case of pneumonia and on top of his already bad lung disease there really is little hope of him recovering. I’m oddly at peace with it, he has been very ill for a long time now and it’s a miracle that he has lasted as long as he has. I’m just glad that i can be with him now near the end, he has always been very special to me.