I’m glad he didn’t ask you to describe in single words, only the good things that come in to your mind about… your mother

I shaved my chest.

Because I feed off of the pain and suffering of others?

Welcome to HP, you’ll fit in nicely.

Huzzah!

Fishing on the Kenai in Alaska a moose and calf decided to pay a visit, took a string of photos till it decided it was feeling pent in, and I was the path of least resistance:

Taking pictures suddenly became a lot less interesting till I had the relative safety of a car frame between me and it. This next photo gives a sense of scale, took it right after they started heading away from me:

Oh and that was also the trip I caught 3 fish with one cast ( 1 rock bass, 2 ling cod):

Also congratulations to all the people with incoming babies. Trying ourselves but we at least had the good graces to make sure the babies birthday didn’t end up in december. For shame, cheating the kid out of their fair share of toys.

Ditto that.

I finally, after two months of paperwork, closed on my new house. I’m emotionally drained, the new underwriting rules are such that it is damned near IMPOSSIBLE to finalize a loan. The first loan officer BENT ME OVER AND INSERTED A PENIS IN MY ANUS because she didn’t check that being a contractor was a red flag, even though I specifically asked her to check the first time we spoke because I’m not stupid like she is.

But a new bank, new officer, and some chemical patience got me through. Now I just have to fix a garden that has gone to seed for a month longer than planned.

H.

Because this is a fictional story designed to provoke a response that requires that I behave in a manner that is not in accordance with my normal behavior, so that the person asking it can manufacture personality flaws that justify his request that I pay thousands of dollars per year for phony “treatments.”

Okay, I shaved the chest of a tortoise laying on its back under the hot desert sun.

Better?

P.S. I am really going to regret shaving my chest. It’s starting to itch already. But it will be interesting!

Then you’ll be right at home at HP, especially if you’ll be doing any kind of tech support.

Replicant!

At least you have a chest to shave! Some of us aren’t quite so… hirsute.

My third storm chase took me way beyond where I was initially planning; at first I was thinking Red River, then in the morning perhaps as far north as Oklahoma City, and by the time the afternoon rolled around I had already decided to go after the first tornadic storm, way up near Enid. Still, as it turns out I had missed out on the best and most photogenic tornado of the day in that cell by about 15 minutes.

My option after coming in behind that cell was to continue to chase it east on 51 in the hopes of seeing it produce another tornado, or wait for the second cell, which was rapidly coming in behind it, a bit further to the south, as it looked pretty strong and had some low-level rotation (and the local chopper pilot was seeing debris clouds in the rain sheets). So yeah, I stuck on that one, went east then south to get ahead of it and found a good spot to wait.

Last time I mentioned that I hadn’t seen any other chasers the entire tornado outbreak, since I was down south of Norman for the most part (I did see some stuff from one that was way down near Marietta later on). Unfortunately (or fortunately) that didn’t happen today; I ran into a bunch of them as I watched the cell approach, then they moved south as did I to get ahead of it a bit more… and then there was a huge traffic jam. Chasers everywhere; pros, amateurs, and maybe half of VORTEX2, including a DOW truck. To give you a clear picture, it’s a two-lane road near an intersection, and most of these guys are just lined up southbound with their parking breaks on. I moved off the road onto a little driveway, but no one is really moving anyway. And the storm rushes, with huge rotation right above our friggin’ heads. Everything to the west and north is a sea-green color. I’m a little anxious.

It takes hail and rain to get everyone to move; most join a convoy train heading east and I get in it, pull over for a minute, then get back in it again. It’s long as hell, and everyone is driving ass slow. We get through one little town with no side roads and the tornado sirens are going off. We keep going at our pathetic pace and get to another town (Guthrie I think) where there’s all sorts of intersections, and everyone scatters. But I notice a few cars ahead there’s the DOW truck, and I think, “Hell these guys know where to escape, I’ll just follow them.” And sure enough we get back to I-35 in no time.

Meanwhile that first storm I decided to stop chasing spawned another great photogenic tornado (if not more than one), right in Stillwater and the OSU campus. Great. And other storms have exploded over the metro area–some are tornadic, others just have baseball-size hail. The storm that tore through the convoy, it was tornadic at times–it might set down a little bit, then recycle quickly and wait a few miles before doing it again. I hear it did do damage to Dover I believe, which was the town I had passed through some 20-30 minutes earlier chasing the first cell. But except for that first cell, far as I can tell all of the other tornadoes were mostly rain-wrapped in high-precip storms and were very hard to see.

Anyway, I continued down I-35 south and the storms that had brewed up and moved east were just amazing to see in the evening light. Kind of a funky day.

— Alan

Edit: Pics at http://picasaweb.google.com/alan.dunkin/StormChaseMay2010# - Wednesday’s chase photos start after the first set of lightning photos.

Alan, I don’t know if your story should be considered either crazy or awesome, but for now, I’m going with awesome.

I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time… like tears in rain…

Is it me, or does the turtle question sound a lot like something you’d get from a Church of Scientology “personality test?”

Some of us have hair on our chests to make up for the lack of hair on our heads.

It’s too bad he won’t shave. But then again, who does?

-xtien

How unicorny.

Or backs…