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14542

Focus on that in a major way. Things could be so much worse.
Sounds like her financial situation (and by extension, yours) is now quite complicated.
I’ve never dealt with one, but aren’t there things like financial advisors that might be helpful in cases as complex as hers? Then again, I’m not sure how much they charge, or if there would be free alternatives. And since your finances are kind of intertwined, the advisor would likely want to see you together for a full picture.

But like @Mark_Asher says, you don’t want to be making hasty decisions right now, especially when it comes to buying/leasing cars. I haven’t bought a car in years, but I remember the decisions being highly stressful, even under the best of circumstances.

Also, my girlfriend also has severe anxiety disorder(s), so I can kind of relate to the stress that extends to you.

So all I can really do from here is to extend the both of you my sincerest best wishes.
Look forward to when all of this settles down. It will get better.

14543

Damn that sucks.

As a fellow ADHD person, I have some idea of what she is going through with the loan payments. Righting that ship, taking initiative, its not easy, especially after you have fucked up for a while.

After you get everything set up, it does get easier, but man, that ADHD taxes is the worst.

My odd suggestion is to elope. Than at least you can file the taxes for both of you. Also, I find doing something for someone else (like getting the tax records together so you can do taxes) is a strong motivator.

Anyway, sound like a shitty situation.

14544

I’ve been with my wife for 19 years and she’s the same. She also hadn’t done her taxes for a couple of years when we first met. We’ve only recently learned that she has ADHD. Anyway, very early on in our relationship I realized her financial management was a problem so I took over for that. Which also means I have to open all her mail, because she’ll let it sit for who knows how long. She’s still responsible for a couple of things, and she’s pretty good about putting them on auto pay on her credit card. She’s just really bad at pulling them off. She hasn’t logged into WoW in six months but I can guarantee she’s still paying for it. Still, small beans.

It’s worked out pretty well, I think, though she does get a bit pissy when I throw away her Bed Bath and Beyond coupons.

14545

Oddly enough, despite my ADHD, I’m response for our taxes. Although my wife does make sure to organize all our tax forms.

Luckily, my wife and I are pretty frugal, so I live life putting everything on are credit card and then just paying it off right away.

That’s the secret to ADHD, if it’s something you can do right away, do it right away! There is no later, there is only distraction. Which makes finances hard.

But, I find that my phone and echo can really be helpful. If I can’t do it right away, I put a reminder in my phone for a time that I know I can do it. I don’t have to worry about it, I just do it when the reminder tells me to.

Thankful, online bill pay has made that a lot easier. As soon as I get my credit card bill, I just set up the payment. Of course, I have failed to do that a few times, and had to make the call of shame. 9/10 I do get the fee waived though.

Anyway, the point is, for me, either I do something right away, schedule it right away, or don’t do it at all. I just can’t do something later. There is never a later. Homework was never done because of later. Papers were written the night before because of later. Later never happens.

It helps to have a supportive spouse or partner though. My wife is a godsend, and I’m sure your wife really appreciates the fact that you pick up a lot of the slack @Balasarius. It helps so much and take it from me, we really appreciate the patience that are spouses and partners have for us.

14546

Best of luck to you two, @ArmandoPenblade. Having to replace a car really sucks, I know. I highly recommend the “rent something while you look” approach, lowers the stress level considerably.

On the tax front, if you don’t already, may want to consider some free online filing options. I know doing taxes still a pain, but not paying does help make it feel a little better.

14547

Funny how all of our stories converge sometimes.

Been married 21 years now, and I learned early on that I was going to have to completely manage all of the finances for our household. My wife is just incapable of dealing with money. If I leave anything to her, it just never gets done. I remind her every evening, I send her text messages–nothing works, it just never gets done. It is a combination of depression coupled with the fact that her father crippled her when young by refusing to allow her to learn ANYTHING about money management. He was wealthy, and I guess his little girl just didn’t need to know things like that. Asshat…

So yeah, I know where you are coming from, and I wish you the best of luck. The one thing I would add is that I hope she is in therapy. My wife does that every two weeks, fortunately covered by our insurance.

14548

Hope it all works out, Armando.

14549

Wow…that sucks. I am glad to hear she is OK though, that is the most important thing.

I second (third, fourth?) the suggestion of renting or borrowing a car for a short time while you guys sit down and think through your options.

If you decide to replace, check out certified used cars. They have to pass a rigorous checklist of replacement parts and tests, and they often come with a short warranty period as well (6-12 months usually) so they’re more reliable than the standard used car. If you’re worried about your credit situation, and either of you have access to a credit union through your jobs, talk to them. Credit unions will often offer members car loans at decent rates even if the member doesn’t have the best credit, though they may require you to do direct deposit and autopay through an account with them.

Honestly, I’d recommend autopay no matter where the loan/lease comes from. It sounds like your girlfriend has an account where she is regularly having money direct deposited, and that’s the perfect situation for setting up a schedule to automatically pay fixed monthly bills like car payments, student loan payments, rent or mortgage. The great thing about this is that you will never be late paying with autopay, so after 12/24/36 months of paying bills on time your credit rating will make huge strides. it’s one of the easiest ways to improve a credit score, doing something you’re going to have to do anyway (pay fixed monthly bills).

Good luck my friend. It sounds like you’ve got things under control, and she is lucky to have you looking out for her.

14550

Sorry to hear that and I hope things get better, Armando.

14551

So glad that your GF is okay.

14552

So my wife made some delicious chicken soup for lunch today. That’s good!

As I type this, there is motherfucking ICE on the wall of my motherfucking kitchen. That’s bad!

So sorry to hear about all the nonsense, @ArmandoPenblade. I took like a 200-point hit to my credit for three years because the energy company in Detroit decided that the last bill they never sent me, for $20, which they refused to even talk to me about because I didn’t live in Michigan any longer, should go on my permanent fucking record. Assholes. I hope they all burn.

14553

Its Detroit, nothing you could do to them would be worse than that.

14554

TIL not to piss off @Adam_B…

14555

Thanks for well wishes y’all, and for giving me the space to vent in general. Today’s the day for the quote, so we’re on pins and needles atm. In the meanwhile, temporarily being a one car household is weird.

14556

Foot update - Ran a mile and a half today (treadmill, of course, it’s icy out there) and it only kinda hurt! Good advice from @gruntled, found some basic therapy exercises online and been doing them daily - gotta believe those are helping. Still aches, more so after impact exercise, but not the sharp pains I was getting before. Progress!

14557

So how did that end up going? well I hope?

14558

Probably skirting the edge of what might be considered interesting, but I just dropped off my son at school and as we turned the corner he got a bit of a biology lesson: two raccoons having, uh, relations right in the middle of the street. I had the Beatles’ “Why Don’t We Do It in the Road?” going through my head.

14559

And I thought of the old joke about Native Americans naming their kids.

14560

Last week I was telling my son about Buffalo Wild Wing’s habanero mango sauce, which I love but which hates me back. Last night he was out with his friends and they got over to Wild Wing’s and he got to try them first hand - he loved them, I knew he would, and he ate like a dozen of them.

He was in the bathroom this morning, and decided to create a poem, which I thought was genius.

image

14561

While the belly rumbles
It’s winter of discontent
The springy anticipations
Of the meals savory smell
GIEF DINNER NAO!