Tell us what's happened to you recently (that's interesting)


#14536

My father used to tell me, all the damn time, lift with your legs! I was a kid. I ignored him. He was right.

Edit: This has been Four Line Depression Theater. See you next time!


#14537

I threw my back out once sneezing. I threw it out once golfing. Once swimming.


#14538

You ain’t kidding.
I was in my 20’s and unemployed when a professional independent mover came to town with a moving truck. He had been hired do deliver some family’s possessions to their new home. He was alone though, so when he stopped at a gas station a buddy of mine managed, my buddy helpfully gave him my phone number, since he knew I needed the work.

So I go to this house to meet the mover.
We spend several hours emptying the truck.
When we got to the very back of the truck’s box, I pointed at this big thing underneath some moving blankets and said, “What’s that?”
“Piano.”

Now, I had just spent four hours moving stuff, and hadn’t been paid yet. I’m sure he planned it this way.

So he and I, two people of average build, moved that piano up 6 steps and into the house. Getting it up the steps was the most brutal part. It required a straight lift, but there was no good place to grasp it.

I knew that my back was at risk. All my dad’s words came to me: “If you can’t lift it, don’t. If you must, use your legs.” But the way I was holding my end of the piano, bending at the knees was pretty much impossible. I should have flat refused, but I was young and eager to please.

I also wanted my $20 (it was the 80’s - twenty bucks was worth more then), so I did it.

I don’t think I hurt myself that day. At least, I had no immediate problems.
But every winter since then, shoveling snow will send me into varying degrees of severe back pain every single time, when it never had before.

Once it was so bad that I just crumpled onto the driveway, and only the cold forced me to drag myself into the house, where I spent two days flat on my back (@Adam_B up above mentioned something similar, which reminded me of this story).


#14539

Girlfriend got into a nasty wreck tonight in the rain. Sneezed, lost footing on the brake pedal with her wet shoe, and regained sight to see the car that had been slowing down in front of her was suddenly much closer. Crunch.

They’re both fine, healthwise.

She’d lost her purse at the grocery store two nights ago (I was literally driving there when the wreck happened to get it back), so she had no license on her. Luckily the guy didn’t want cops involved, since his car was basically just scratched. They exchanged numbers and he left.

Her car though, a ten year old Toyota Yaris, is in nasty shape. The bumper panel is broken in multiple places and barely hanging on. The hood is warped and doesn’t shut right. Radiator is cracked and slightly leaking. It was too dark and gross outside to see if there was more damage, e.g. to the frame. We had it towed to the nearest AAA and retreated to dinner and grocery shopping, and are just now getting home.

Her car has $1,600 left on it after she finally took my advice and starting paying over the minimum each month. Way back when we got it initially, even with me co-signing and her giving $2,000 down on the least featureful, cheapest car on the lot, we could only secure a five-year lease–they straight up wouldn’t extend us financing. Which, well, I know is shit. But, as I’ve relayed on here before, the last time we went car shopping in late 2009, her auction-purchased 2001 Ford Focus was on its last legs, to the point that the transmission completely died as we pulled into the Toyota dealership to look around at 7pm. We literally couldn’t even reverse out of our parking spot. Talk about a bad negotiating position! So, lease it was.

Believe it or not, but her credit is actually much worse now than it was back then (when she was struggling to finish undergrad and underwater on a couple of starter credit cards she’d amassed in college). Although I had helped her get her financial shit straight leading up to four years ago when we were able to finance the remaining value of the leased Yaris over five MORE years, in the interim, she let all of her student loans go into default while she was unemployed for two years due to a nasty illness.

Though she’s working and earning plenty now, I recently learned most of those college loans are now in collections, as her depression and anxiety kept her from ever trying to fix things once she actually had money. As far as I know, she owes upwards of $70,000 and is getting like a third of her paycheck garnished every other week. She is so scared of her own finances she hasn’t even filed her (very simple) taxes in two years. Hell, it’s about to be 3, unless I can dig up enough of her financial life from the piles of mail stuffed into the corner of the living room she works in every night to sort everything out myself; she’s basically helpless on this front.

Oh, and just for fun, she was scared of using auto pay on her car payments from the bad old No-Money days, but she’s also got crippling ADHD, so she was late on two payments to Toyota last year. . . and since I’M on her loan as co-signer, it plunged my credit score substantially into the high 600s (I’d been creeping up on 800 last year at 31, something I was very proud of). I’ve managed to sneak back into the low 700s since then, but ugh.

All of which is a long way of saying that her credit is in shambles, and mine ain’t great. Despite that, she’s thankfully got a TON of money in the bank. The upside of her poverty paranoia is that apart from the wage garnishment and her monthly payment to me for shared expenses (rent, phones, groceries, etc), she saves just about every last dollar she earns.

So, I mean, we could, without significant pain (apart from the emotional), blow $4-5000 fixing her fucked-up, decade-old, nearly paid-off Yaris, and she could keep driving it till we can unfuck her credit in five (or ten) years. . . or we can spend that same money paying off the remaining $1,600 and dump the rest–and whatever pocket change we can get for the car–into a down payment on a new vehicle.

Except I’d probably need to put it in my name only, otherwise her atrocious credit might keep us from getting financed again.

Which, I mean, okay. I’ll take control of her financial life after this either way, so I’ll be sure there aren’t any more missed payments or anything. And we’re a team, man. Been through 15+ years of life together. If that’s what it takes to get her driving and operational again, I guess so be it.

But my own Dodge Journey is ALSO a decade old and pushing 120,000 miles. And making a REAL encouraging wheezing sputtering noise after I turn the key while it stalls out for five seconds before the engine fully turns over. So who knows, I might be needing to leverage my moderate credit in the nearish future for my own car loan. . .

Ugh.

I fucking hate money. And am pretty pissed at myself for letting her get this bad off. I hate that this post makes her sound so. . . well, helpless, but the reality is that her particular mixture of abusive childhood, crippling mental illness, and a soul crushing, 80-hour-a-week job leaves her a weak shell of an unperson most days. It’s an endless-feeling cycle of pain and stress and panic and anxiety and depression she just can’t break out of. Things like taxes and insurance (of course she’s still on the cheapest possible liability from when she was unemployed and we were drowning in mutual debt) and car payments are just so far beyond what she can manage each day (I’ve got to beg her to eat most nights; she’s so tired she can barely get the spoon to her mouth). . . if I don’t do it, no one will, basically.

Ugh. I shouldn’t have let myself loose focus when she started working. For better or worse, I’m the only one of us equipped to handle any of this “adulting” stuff, as the Millennials say. And since I didn’t handle it all, we’re in a real crappy position now.


But at least she’s safe. And I allowed myself a Blizzard from Dairy Queen to make myself feel better at the end of grocery shopping. So that’s nice.


P.S. - Really sorry to hear about the back, @Adam_B. Take care of yourself, brother <3


#14540

Very sorry to hear about this, Armando. The only thing I can suggest is she use Uber for a week so you both have time to think about everything. You don’t want to rush into any financial commitments.


#14541

Yeah, no kidding; I do NOT want a repeat of the Toyota disaster from 09. Well, a car rental is more likely; her job is a good 20 mile drive each way.

Wait, they check credit for those, don’t they? Lol goddammit


#14542

Focus on that in a major way. Things could be so much worse.
Sounds like her financial situation (and by extension, yours) is now quite complicated.
I’ve never dealt with one, but aren’t there things like financial advisors that might be helpful in cases as complex as hers? Then again, I’m not sure how much they charge, or if there would be free alternatives. And since your finances are kind of intertwined, the advisor would likely want to see you together for a full picture.

But like @Mark_Asher says, you don’t want to be making hasty decisions right now, especially when it comes to buying/leasing cars. I haven’t bought a car in years, but I remember the decisions being highly stressful, even under the best of circumstances.

Also, my girlfriend also has severe anxiety disorder(s), so I can kind of relate to the stress that extends to you.

So all I can really do from here is to extend the both of you my sincerest best wishes.
Look forward to when all of this settles down. It will get better.


#14543

Damn that sucks.

As a fellow ADHD person, I have some idea of what she is going through with the loan payments. Righting that ship, taking initiative, its not easy, especially after you have fucked up for a while.

After you get everything set up, it does get easier, but man, that ADHD taxes is the worst.

My odd suggestion is to elope. Than at least you can file the taxes for both of you. Also, I find doing something for someone else (like getting the tax records together so you can do taxes) is a strong motivator.

Anyway, sound like a shitty situation.


#14544

I’ve been with my wife for 19 years and she’s the same. She also hadn’t done her taxes for a couple of years when we first met. We’ve only recently learned that she has ADHD. Anyway, very early on in our relationship I realized her financial management was a problem so I took over for that. Which also means I have to open all her mail, because she’ll let it sit for who knows how long. She’s still responsible for a couple of things, and she’s pretty good about putting them on auto pay on her credit card. She’s just really bad at pulling them off. She hasn’t logged into WoW in six months but I can guarantee she’s still paying for it. Still, small beans.

It’s worked out pretty well, I think, though she does get a bit pissy when I throw away her Bed Bath and Beyond coupons.


#14545

Oddly enough, despite my ADHD, I’m response for our taxes. Although my wife does make sure to organize all our tax forms.

Luckily, my wife and I are pretty frugal, so I live life putting everything on are credit card and then just paying it off right away.

That’s the secret to ADHD, if it’s something you can do right away, do it right away! There is no later, there is only distraction. Which makes finances hard.

But, I find that my phone and echo can really be helpful. If I can’t do it right away, I put a reminder in my phone for a time that I know I can do it. I don’t have to worry about it, I just do it when the reminder tells me to.

Thankful, online bill pay has made that a lot easier. As soon as I get my credit card bill, I just set up the payment. Of course, I have failed to do that a few times, and had to make the call of shame. 9/10 I do get the fee waived though.

Anyway, the point is, for me, either I do something right away, schedule it right away, or don’t do it at all. I just can’t do something later. There is never a later. Homework was never done because of later. Papers were written the night before because of later. Later never happens.

It helps to have a supportive spouse or partner though. My wife is a godsend, and I’m sure your wife really appreciates the fact that you pick up a lot of the slack @Balasarius. It helps so much and take it from me, we really appreciate the patience that are spouses and partners have for us.


#14546

Best of luck to you two, @ArmandoPenblade. Having to replace a car really sucks, I know. I highly recommend the “rent something while you look” approach, lowers the stress level considerably.

On the tax front, if you don’t already, may want to consider some free online filing options. I know doing taxes still a pain, but not paying does help make it feel a little better.


#14547

Funny how all of our stories converge sometimes.

Been married 21 years now, and I learned early on that I was going to have to completely manage all of the finances for our household. My wife is just incapable of dealing with money. If I leave anything to her, it just never gets done. I remind her every evening, I send her text messages–nothing works, it just never gets done. It is a combination of depression coupled with the fact that her father crippled her when young by refusing to allow her to learn ANYTHING about money management. He was wealthy, and I guess his little girl just didn’t need to know things like that. Asshat…

So yeah, I know where you are coming from, and I wish you the best of luck. The one thing I would add is that I hope she is in therapy. My wife does that every two weeks, fortunately covered by our insurance.


#14548

Hope it all works out, Armando.


#14549

Wow…that sucks. I am glad to hear she is OK though, that is the most important thing.

I second (third, fourth?) the suggestion of renting or borrowing a car for a short time while you guys sit down and think through your options.

If you decide to replace, check out certified used cars. They have to pass a rigorous checklist of replacement parts and tests, and they often come with a short warranty period as well (6-12 months usually) so they’re more reliable than the standard used car. If you’re worried about your credit situation, and either of you have access to a credit union through your jobs, talk to them. Credit unions will often offer members car loans at decent rates even if the member doesn’t have the best credit, though they may require you to do direct deposit and autopay through an account with them.

Honestly, I’d recommend autopay no matter where the loan/lease comes from. It sounds like your girlfriend has an account where she is regularly having money direct deposited, and that’s the perfect situation for setting up a schedule to automatically pay fixed monthly bills like car payments, student loan payments, rent or mortgage. The great thing about this is that you will never be late paying with autopay, so after 12/24/36 months of paying bills on time your credit rating will make huge strides. it’s one of the easiest ways to improve a credit score, doing something you’re going to have to do anyway (pay fixed monthly bills).

Good luck my friend. It sounds like you’ve got things under control, and she is lucky to have you looking out for her.


#14550

Sorry to hear that and I hope things get better, Armando.


#14551

So glad that your GF is okay.


#14552

So my wife made some delicious chicken soup for lunch today. That’s good!

As I type this, there is motherfucking ICE on the wall of my motherfucking kitchen. That’s bad!


So sorry to hear about all the nonsense, @ArmandoPenblade. I took like a 200-point hit to my credit for three years because the energy company in Detroit decided that the last bill they never sent me, for $20, which they refused to even talk to me about because I didn’t live in Michigan any longer, should go on my permanent fucking record. Assholes. I hope they all burn.


#14553

Its Detroit, nothing you could do to them would be worse than that.


#14554

TIL not to piss off @Adam_B


#14555

Thanks for well wishes y’all, and for giving me the space to vent in general. Today’s the day for the quote, so we’re on pins and needles atm. In the meanwhile, temporarily being a one car household is weird.