Tell us what's happened to you recently (that's interesting)


#14639

I just finished writing up the second draft to my second book on game design, this one being all about the design of platformers. I’ve been trying to get in touch with game design colleges and programs about lectures and such for my books, but haven’t had much luck. If anyone has any contacts or could help out, I would really appreciate it.


#14640

Normally, cleaning the fire trucks is a pretty run of the mill thing at the station. This time, we’re preparing them for our friend’s funeral tomorrow. Sunday evening, he shot himself in the head for no apparent reason. Next week we’ll be doing it again for another co-worker who isn’t going to make it to the weekend from cancer. This morning we sent one of our medic vehicles 200 miles to the treatment center he’s at in Pittsburgh to bring him home.

Suicide and cancer are the two banes of the fire service right now, far outpacing line of duty deaths. Normally I treat things with casual disdain as my defense mechanism, but these two really hurt. I’m tired of my friends dying.

Thanks for listening to my vent.


#14641

I’m sorry for you, your station and their families. Hang in there.


#14642

Thank you for sharing this, as hard as it is to share. It puts my own problems in perspective, and I’m not just saying that.

Always open for listening. Take care.

-xtien


#14643

That’s tough, @ddtibbs, very sorry to hear it. Suicide in particular is tough to deal with, often impossible to understand. I’m sure the funeral will be difficult but I hope it helps to at least start the healing process for all their friends and family.


#14644

My father was a firefighter, and during his tenure had two people in his department die from cardiovascular disease.

He himself had quadruple bypass about 14 years ago.

That sucks. His department, and every one I e ever encountered, has been tight knit. My father still regularly spends time with people from his department even though he had to retire from there 14 years ago. My deepest condolences.


#14645

I suck at meeting new people, and at extending current friendships. I have an old friend who has been on me about getting together “to catch up” for some time now. I just haven’t made time for it, or have made excuses. Things finally confluenced tonight and I could get out to have a drink with her. She put her kids to bed and was able to go out for a beer.

We were in one of my favorite theater experiences together. She played Ophelia and I played Laertes in Hamlet. She’s a cool person who runs a company that teaches kids Shakespeare.

We went to a local place and had a couple of beers and started to catch up after not seeing each other for about fourteen years. Man, it was so good. It’s been a tough week, and it was good to connect with an old friend.

Lesson learned. I need to put myself out there more. I’ve let too many friendships lapse.

-xtien


#14646

That is a really nice story Christien, thanks for sharing. I’ve been meaning to drive down to where my childhood friend and family live to visit and just haven’t gotten around to it. We’ve kept in touch and it would be nice to see them.


#14647

As an enormous extrovert who is also vastly overcommitted, lapsing friendships are one of my great fears/regrets. The people who once were so central to my life and who did nothing more “wrong” than simply live far away for awhile drift out of my vision, and sure, new folks tend to flow in to fill the gaps, but I regret the distance with the old.

I’m glad you both were able to make the time and get out to see each other. It sounds like it was a lovely experience <3

And my condolences, @ddtibbs. Best to you all at the station in these trying times :(


#14648

Or have kids. I don’t know how many people I called friends who basically disappeared once they had kids. And I admit I probably did the same thing.


#14649

Oooh, yeah, that was a big one. Lots of my high school friends were having kids while I was graduating and going to college; by the time I was done, they were fully wrapped up in child care stuff.


#14650

It is incredibly difficult to maintain friendships as parents of young kids. I literally get about two hours a day to entertain myself or y’know run errands and pay bills and such. Love my kids dearly, but it hugely changes your life no doubt.

Thankfully I can fit shitposting in during other activities ;)


#14651

I’m definitely guilty of that. I disappeared for months after we had our miscarriage, until a good friend came over and basically did an intervention on me. Then I emerged. Then I had my kid. And it became a lot harder to maintain relationships.

Combine that with an eventual divorce and just forget it. I should have worked harder to keep those friends in my life. I’ve got new ones who are really good to me, but I lost some of the old ones. I’d like to get them back.

-xtien


#14652

Totally. The social gulf between people with kids and people without is the biggest one in typical social life. Bigger than marriage or work situation or gender or relationship status or age or divorce or etc.

Yeah it’s kind of weird how divorce can give you cooties with some people, like they don’t want your relationship issues to rub off on them. They just stop inviting you out or responding to your invitations.


#14653

One thing is that as your kids get older and involved in either school or other activities you tend to make new friends. Currently the two couples who are probably our best friends are parents of kids our kids new in high school or before. But it is the old friends, unless they have kids the same age as yours, that you tend to lose.


#14654

Or they choose sides. Which is understandable. But still hollowing.

-xtien


#14655

I’ve found that people with kids like talking about the kids and the people who tend to like hearing about kids are other parents. It’s pretty common for people with kids to drift apart from friends who don’t have kids. It happened with me, too.

It makes sense. When you have kids and they are little, they are sucking up most of your free time. It’s what you’re doing so it’s what you naturally talk about.


#14656

That’s really true. And you know, as a new parent, when you’re becoming tiresome about that. You can see it in your friends. But it’s your whole world, so it’s hard to not talk about it. You also need to unload a bit, but it’s inappropriate with folks who cannot connect to it. So that contributes to the drifting apart.

-xtien


#14657

I just got back from working our 80s Cruise – Kenny Loggins (fantastic), Starship, OMD, Berlin, Sheila E (fantastic!), The Fixx, Dee Snyder, Cutting Crew, English Beat, Club Nouveau, a couple of cover bands, and Grandmaster Flash, who was also fantastic. He had everyone up and dancing. He was great.

I worked a lot of hours but I also had time for fun, and it was just a great time although I got by on about five hours of sleep a night. Lots of costuming by the guests (pop icon night, nightmare on the 80s cruise night, Mardi Gras night, etc.). Really a great time.

It was also great to get away from news for a week. I have no idea what Trump did last week that would have embarrassed me as an American. It was blissful.


#14658

Man, it is hard to maintain friendships with both halves of a dissolved relationship. They’ll both tend to unload on you and it’s hard to tell what’s true and keep your head, not to mention your opinion of each of them. And sometimes if the break up is bad enough, they won’t want you even dealing with the other partner, might hold it against you.

But yeah, I am a pretty poor friend for keeping up with other friends. I could blame it on my kids, but really with me, it’s kind of out-of-sight, out-of-mind. My closest friend, I probably see him every other month. Probably doesnt help that he lives nearly an hour away. But I could try harder.