2721

Or don’t reply? I thought that was the standard, but maybe that’s just for women.

2722

Oh, so it isn’t really internet dating related but this seems as good a place as any: a little before Christmas I got a happy holidays e-card from my ex, with the personalized message “hugs from me and the girls”. For background, our breakup was… acrimonious. On top of a lot of blaming and guilt and loud but unoriginal invective, she stuck me for her half of the last month’s rent, and the damage deposit, and left the house a complete sty which the landlord and I had to deal with. And she stole my bed.

I’m assuming she just bulk-mailed a generic greeting to everyone in her address book, but it still weirded me out a little. There’s this niggling doubt in my mind that maybe she’s edited her memory and thinks we’re on good terms and can reconcile.

2723

In other words, you got off easy :)

2724

I love your posts here, Ned, but I’m not optimistic about this one. The point of the bailout excuse is to be able to say, if you’re really into the get-together and you’re at the end of the 45 minutes: “Actually, I just got a text and it looks like my dinner was canceled.” If he didn’t do that, then put the impetus on you to get in touch, I just don’t think you’ll hear from him again.

In my experience, if it’s natural, uncomplicated, relatively drama-free and without even the whiff of strategy or game-playing, it’s something that has a good chance of working. Otherwise, you’re probably just fooling yourself.

2725

It depends. I’ve gotten the “never available” dance-around from women in person, often people who liked me just fine as long as I wasn’t trying to go do things with them that might be construable as dates. On the other hand, my experience online was pretty much a brick wall of nonresponse for months. I don’t have a sample pool from the people who have responded, because my very first try has been working out quite nicely and I haven’t wanted to muck that up by getting too involved with anyone else.

I probably should have spread my eggs into a few more baskets and all, but what can I say? I have trouble with that.

2726

I agree that this particular date will very likely come to naught. When I said it went well, that’s really all I meant – the 45 minutes went smoothly. Anything beyond that is the usual shark-filled waters with blood and chum churning as you step in for a dip.

And anyone who starts with a bailout plan in place is already operating on a different level than me (ie. they are big ol’ chicken), so…not encouraging.

2727

I hope so. I thought so, before this. I’m kind of worried that this was an opening salvo in trying to reconnect and patch things up. I really have no idea how crazy she is, and I’d rather not find out.

Me too, that’s one of the things that holds me back. I more or less focus on one woman at a time, so I only browse profiles and send first messages when I have no interested candidates. Going on dates with two different women in one week? I can’t even imagine it. Part of that is that I rarely go “out” twice in a week anyway, if you don’t count family and recurring activities.

2728

My highlight last summer was juggling three dates in two days. I think the heat had gotten to me.

I’m not quite as industrious now.

2729

I am gradually easing myself into the idea of seeing or at least contacting more women at the same time. I think, as cold as it may seem, knowing you have “fallbacks” makes you more at ease and also avoids an appearance of desperation or fixation. It’s unpleasant to have to jettison people, but women obviously do it to me (I’ve had exchanges of messages that were going swimmingly and then suddenly get cut off without a word, so I assume at least in some cases it’s because the woman decided to focus on someone else they liked better). I guess if you take an attitude that it’s all part of the game, the whole thing is a bit more fun and less stressful.

2730

I think you have to multi-task a little bit on these sites. I went on 2 or 3 dates a week (that’s a busy week, it was usually 1-2) when I was going through the “first date” cycle. If you don’t connect, well, you have another date in a few days so it’s not that big a deal. It prevents you from getting your hopes up too high for each date which leads to more disappointment when you aren’t feeling it 5 minutes into dinner.

However, once I liked a girl I would, of course, not go on any more until I had fully explored the possibilities with her.

2731

Ok, speaking of dating, slight change of course. How do I land a rich girl? I would like to not work anymore. Kind of like that douchebag who married the Onassis heiress.

Trust funds, parent’s money, or self-made, are all ok. Marrying an older rich woman not accepted. She has to be my age or younger.

2732

How do I land a rich girl?

I’ll start. Step 1: Meet one.

2733

40-pound test line and some Bling H20 for bait.

2734

This reads exactly like a women’s profile. "looking for a funny, smart, warm and caring man of any walk of life as long as he is happy in his own skin. ALSO HE MUST BE 6 FEET OR TALLER, NO SHORTIES.

2735

My only point was no Lex Luthor from the new Superman movie scenarios.

2736

And you’re no worse off for it than you would have been had you said nothing! But at least when you make the attempt there is a chance that it will go in the right direction.

2737

Well sure, that’s why I keep plugging away no matter how futile. Even if the sky falls on his head, the legionaire keeps marching.

It’s not a case of going OMG she’s the one! and then getting all let down and bummed out when it doesn’t work out. I think I just have the room in my life, and the energy, for one girlfriend. So if if there is no one occupying that space, I’ll use the time to pursue new prospects. If there’s someone interesting enough to actually talk to and go on dates with, that time is filled and I’m not going to give up reading or gaming time to keep going through profiles and try to arrange more dates.

2738

Good luck.

2739

On Saturday I met up with bronchitis guy. We enjoyed our beverages at a quaint local cafe then I suggested the almost-mandatory seawall walk after. That was fine until we got past Second Beach (a fair ways out) and it started to pour. I hadn’t worn a heavy jacket nor did I have an umbrella so I was pretty much drenched by the time we got out of the park.

At the end he suggested we meet again so we are making plans for this weekend. Holding off on more mass mailings for now.

2740

Good luck, Ned!