I’m not sure I agree with that. My reasoning is based on negative feedback (rejection!): Would you rather be rejected online (and not know about it) because you have a child, or being rejected on a first, second, third date because your date just found out you have a child? Post a photo of you and your son out doing something fun, and explicitly say in the caption that he’s your son. Though don’t post too many photos of you and your son, because that sorta implies that you spend all your time with him, which isn’t necessarily true. You may get less visits/responses to your profile (which can be frustrating in its own right), but the ones that you do get will most definitely be of better date quality.
OkCupid’s match system is based on your answers to questions, what you want your match to answer, and how important it is that they answer correctly.
The more questions you do that with, the more they have to work with. I have honestly found its accuracy fairly good. Not that every girl I might date ranks in the 90%+ spectrum (in fact the girl I -am- dating was a 70-ish % match), but most people in the upper range were people I’d be interested in. Some rather a lot.
Shadarr
3003
As long as you fill in the “Children” dropdown, they can check. If they are likely to freak out on you, I expect they always check.
My reasoning is based on looking at women’s profiles, many of whom are single moms. The ones who write an entire paragraph about how their son is the most important man in their life, or how their kids are their whole world, or have their kids in all their photos, really send off a negative vibe. Because although I’m not opposed to dating someone with kids, it’s not a positive, and if they go on and on about their kid it’s like the profile is about the kid, not them. I’m not there to date kids.
I’m not saying lie about it, and including a photo that shows both of you is fine (although the kids may have a different opinion in 10 years), I’m just saying that anything beyond that takes the focus off you, and what you’re like, which is what people are trying to find out from your essays.
Lorini
3004
I think if you emphasize your kid too much, you are sending mixed messages. Do you want to be with your kid or do you want to date? On the other hand, as a single mom, it’s pretty important that whomever I’m with realizes I have an 18 year old kid. He’s not going anywhere (unfortunately :) :) and he’s important to me (fortunately!).
nixon66
3005
So not too far off from what I already have is somewhat of a censuses of what’s here. I’ve got one line at the end of my self summary about him, and then one shot of us both in my pictures (not one of the initial three that pop up). I’m with you Shadarr, that while he’s important to me, he’s not what people looking through profiles coming to read about, and therefore he’s mentioned but only in passing.
Thanks all!
You could go another route - post a bunch of photos of the two of you, but deny all knowledge of him. “I don’t know this little kid, he’s been following me around for years now. That’s not a problem, is it?”
Griddle
3007
Bahaha, that would be a neat social experiment. “This is a picture of me at the ball park, me at the aquarium, me again at the seashore, for some reason, this damn kid keeps stalking me, I’m starting to get a complex…”
My brother (who’s been single for decades) sent Christmas cards a few years back with a picture of himself (white) and a toddler (hispanic) on the front, and no explanation of who the kid was inside. No idea whose kid it was.
He’s always enjoyed odd practical jokes, though. My brother, that is.
Shadarr
3009
Amusing image captions are always a plus, much better than Facebook tagging them with “New Years 09”.
My favourite was a girl who had a group shot that she photoshopped over the other girl to say “Don’t look at her she’s a bitch”. Not that I contacted her, but it made me smile.
Raife
3010
It’s a trap, anyway. He just wants you to click so you join his gang.
Griddle
3011
That’s awesome, maybe I’ll go try and find a Korean family downtown and convince them to take a picture with me. That would be the best Christmas card ever!
Scrax
3012
Aww, you’re cute, don’t look 25, and I was sure you were Siren’s gay best friend. I wouldn’t have killed you off on Threequarter if I saw the pics first.
ElGuapo
3013
They are such selfish lovers anyway. RIGHT FLOWERS?
I LOL’d so hard when I looked at my visitors list this morning and came across this. Bravo, sir, bravo!
Griddle
3015
This made me audibly choke from laughing so hard.
One of my top 10 awkward sexual experiences may include waking up with my dick in my roommate’s mouth. E-mail me if you are interested in hearing the others ;).
Because although I’m not opposed to dating someone with kids, it’s not a positive, and if they go on and on about their kid it’s like the profile is about the kid, not them. I’m not there to date kids.
If you don’t want to date a single parent, that’s totally fine of course. But I don’t get offended if a mom goes on about her kid a bit in a profile. I mean, she’s a parent. By definition her child will be a huge part of her life and will probably mean more to her than a prospective date is ever likely to. At least they’re being up front about it.
Because the profile is a personal ad - you’re trying to attract romantic attention to yourself. Leading with your kid is a little awkward at best. It reads like you’re looking for somebody to come be daddy, even if you’re not. If you don’t have enough room in your life for interests outside of your child, there’s a good chance you don’t have room in your life for a relationship outside of your child.
Kael
3018
I agree that its not a particuarly effective strategy (in terms of maximizing responses) but it may be good strategy in weeding out the types she doesn’t want.
Similar to listing ones religion in a profile.
Exactly the reason for me putting that filter on my searches. I have nothing against kids, but from my experience, most of the single parents I see on the sites throw in there “I have X kids and they are Y and Z years old and they are my life”.
Sure, that’s all well and good. Doesn’t make ME want to date you, because I’d like to think that a potential relationship would at least be something of a priority, not an afterthought in between Johnny’s ballet practice and Susie’s jujitsu class.
Moreover, it’s creepy - you list your interests in your profile because they are things that you would like to maybe do with another person. They are a point of common interest. Do you really want your daughter to be our point of common interest?
The reason why I don’t like it as a filtering method is because filtering out people you don’t like with your language is a pretty bad way to go about internet dating from what I’ve observed. Your profile should be attracting people you want, agreed, but taking an active effort to size down your field is a bad move. Most sites force you to admit to having children anyway - mentioning them again is at best a superfluous effort and at worst makes you look crazy. Your profile should probably be about just you and your interests unless you’re going to do something original and interesting with it, and I know that sounds just as creepy, but I think you get where I’m thrusting.
That was creepy on purpose.
Johnny Bench called.
