Man, that gnome’s got game, gotta hand it to him. Not just half his age, but a beautiful tall redhead to boot. Life isn’t fair. :-(
Zylon
3183
Ooh, was it the one who has a profile pic of her beating on a Power Puff Girl pinata?
Alas, no. That would at least have been humorous.
Shadarr
3185
Obviously I’m not dating your girlfriend then.
This is why dating “rules” are pointless. The right time for the first kiss is when it’s right for the two of you. Some women are going to want a kiss on the first date and some want to get to know you better. I’m pretty sure the other woman I went out with last week would’ve been fine with a kiss if I’d been interested. You just have to read the signs.
Well, for me, I’d think the person simply wasn’t interested in me romantically by that point and figure the relationship was purely friendly.
So I really like HEY THERE’S A SQUIRREL!
My ex was like that. Then again, she was Australian and had never actually SEEN a squirrel before.
shift6
3191
In my view, if you’re having a good time (whether it’s a quote-unquote date or just hanging out) and you want to know if there will be future dates, you go in for the kiss. It’s the best way to gauge interest. People have plenty of practice hemming and hawing with words, but not as much with their bodily reactions. And kisses aren’t some slappable offense anymore as portrayed in 1950s movies, at least in the US.
So at the end of the night, go in for the kiss. If she’s hella not interested, she’ll turn her head away or something to otherwise indicate there is no interest there at all past friendship. If she immediately throws arms around your neck and jams her tongue down your throat, well I’d say there’s some interest there. Middling reactions you just have to figure out. Did she pull away blushing and smiling? Did she pull in to you a bit and prolong the kiss but without getting all crazy? Did she immediately run away, brush her teeth, and block you on Facebook? Did she respond as you initiated, gauging your interest at the same time? Each of these says something about what she is thinking about you at the end of a fun “first date” and if you have dates or only “friend time” in the future.
- note: “she” above was used for grammatical purposes only from the author’s POV.
Shadarr
3192
Did you just call my girlfriend a liar? I challenge you, sir, to a duel!
Seriously though, I don’t think you need to try for a kiss to tell whether you’re in the friend zone. There are a lot of other cues that not only tell you whether she likes you but also whether she wants you to kiss her.
But maybe you guys just suck at flirting.
shift6
3193
Man, the guy finds a girlfriend and he’s a fuckin’ expert all of a sudden! hehe ;)
There are certainly ways to tell if you’re already in the friend zone. But I think there are legitimate times at the borderline. One example would be if you were already friends for a time and are now both single so you’re exploring if something more could go on.
There are also cultural issues. For instance, all the girls in my school study group are Asian (as in born and raised Chinese, Taiwanese, and Thai) and their normal disposition is exceedingly friendly; we’d call it flirty. So the only way to know for sure if they are interested is to move in. The other male in my study group had to do exactly this for the Thai girl he liked to reciprocate; culturally she was missing his “signals”.
balut
3194
This is why we should do everything elcor-style.
Tentative Flirting: You look pretty today.
Polite Dismissal: I view you as a friend.
Shadarr
3195
Sure, there are cases where you might not understand the signals, but that’s just a case of non-verbal language barrier. I’m sure if you had been around a lot of Thai girls over the years, you could learn to read and send the appropriate signals.
I’m mostly arguing against the idea that you have to go for a kiss on the first date otherwise you’ll be shunted to the friend zone and will never have another chance. I’ve never done that, and these past few months are the longest I’ve ever been single. In fact, the whole idea that you can’t get out of the friend zone is bunk in my experience. Probably half of my relationships started out as “just friends”, and I never “went for” a kiss. You can accomplish exactly the same thing with holding hands and a look.
ElGuapo
3196
Just out of curiosity, I did a search in San Francisco, where a lot of you are talking about. Man, I have a LOT of matches that are 90% plus in San Francisco. Maybe I’m in the wrong city!
Don’t do it, man. If I remember correctly, didn’t you have an Internet adventure that landed you in the no-man’s land between Korea and David Lynch, and the only way out was to chew through your arm with your teeth?
I am absolutely terrible at nonverbal signals. For all I know the girl I’m dating wanted me to have wild monkey sex with her two months ago, I never noticed, and she wasn’t going to initiate. (I doubt it, but do I know? Nope.) I’m also really reluctant to try to go somewhere she doesn’t want to go. This is not a good combination.
What, like the back of a Volkswagen?
Now that’s just rude. Don’t call his gf a Volkswagen.
