That Internet dating thing

JoshV · 2010-02-07T10:52:31.000Z

malkav11:

I said the first thing people notice about me is the book I’m always carrying. 'cause I am.

Is it a bible?

Marcus · 2010-02-07T11:34:47.000Z

Well I could only make it to page 36 when it went off into Rimbo crazy land. Interesting read though with a lot of good information.

I met my ex-wife way back in the day on Love@AOL ha! It lasted 7 years but we were both really young and just grew apart. When it ended I tried a few of the dating sites but really did not have much luck. The person I am with now I met through a friend in a pretty odd way but it worked out very well I’d say.

As for first dates the person I am with now we had our first date at Disneyland when we first started talking it came up and we both stated that we liked going there. It actually worked out great for us as a first date because we both liked the place and the waiting in lines gave us a good chance to talk and get to know each other. I’m not saying it would work for everyone but it worked out great for me.

The flip side way back when I was 19 I went on a date with a girl and we went to Disneyland and I had a shitty time. She claimed to like the place but every ride I suggested we get on she said she didn’t like it. So fuck that I didn’t talk to her after that and I told her flat out that I did not have a good time with her there.

balut · 2010-02-07T12:32:41.000Z

Gourmand:

I’m down with a bad case of the lonely. As such, I’m giving That Internet Dating Thing a whirl.

Question for folks on OKCupid:
How did you come up with your answer to ‘The most private thing I’m willing to admit here’ and ‘The first things people usually notice about me’?

I can’t seem to write anything that isn’t overly invasive or overly sarcastic.

For “The most private thing I’m willing to admit here”, I believe I wrote something about clowns being inherently creepy. I got quite a few messages agreeing with that, so it worked as a passive icebreaker.

Gourmand · 2010-02-07T14:47:31.000Z

Thanks for sharing your answers. I was inspired to write a few answers but one of 'em makes me sound like an aspie, so I think I have to keep working on it.

For the private question, I mentioned that lying down + watching a movie instantly zonks me out. It’s from college when I used to only watch TV as I was going to bed, and I guess in a skinner box’ish way an association formed. Sitting up I’m wide awake, but as soon as I lay down, I’m passed out.

For the first thing people notice question, I said that I stare at distant objects when I need to think about something. Looking at someones face I tend to get pulled into interesting facial expressions / contours and lose track of the topic at hand.

Honest answer, but boy does that sound creepy.

Drai · 2010-02-08T08:13:01.000Z

Gourmand:

For the first thing people notice question, I said that I stare at distant objects when I need to think about something. Looking at someones face I tend to get pulled into interesting facial expressions / contours and lose track of the topic at hand.

Honest answer, but boy does that sound creepy.

Yeah, that answer seems a bit creepy; you may want to rethink that one.

I recall answering the “what is the first thing people notice about you?” question with something like “probably the extra digit on my left hand” (my profile picture made it clear that this was not the case).

I answered a few of the questions in an obviously joking manner, and it was a great filter for what I was looking for - women who may appreciate snarky/offbeat humor and most certainly were not taking the online part of the dating experience seriously.

It basically eliminated women who wanted to write long email missives prior to meeting, and matched me with women who dropped a quick email and then met me for coffee. This was great, since getting to the human interaction part is kind of the whole point, but you wouldn’t know it from how some folks wanted to just exchange emails for weeks on end.

I found that if you answer all of these inane online dating questions seriously, you will attract women/men who also take it far too seriously; you know, the ones that send you ten emails that are three pages long and ask you all sorts of silly questions before wanting to actually meet.

MikeSofaer · 2010-02-08T09:14:42.000Z

Brendan:

If it makes you feel better my old boss was Tom Cruise or shorter and had a string of insanely amazing ex-wives and girlfriends. Dude was a womaniser of note, so yeah, height doesn’t have to be an issue.

Yeah, I do fine, there are a lot of women out there, and plenty of them don’t care how tall you are. Thanks for trying to cheer me up!

Shadarr · 2010-02-08T10:57:11.000Z

Gourmand:

For the first thing people notice question, I said that I stare at distant objects when I need to think about something. Looking at someones face I tend to get pulled into interesting facial expressions / contours and lose track of the topic at hand.

Honest answer, but boy does that sound creepy.

At the very least, drop the part about staring at facial features like some kind of skin-thief. Remember, the point of a profile isn’t to be completely honest, it’s marketing material for attracting the kind of person you want to date. Is staring into the distance something your future mate will find charming?

I think for the thing people notice first about me I put “My big juicy brain” and in the six things list I talked about monkeys. I don’t know that it necessarily attracted anyone to me, but based on some of the responses to it I was able to quickly reject some women I would not want to meet, and that’s helpful too.

Gourmand · 2010-02-09T19:02:46.000Z

Thanks for the tips!

My profile is now less creepy and by correlation more awesome. Now for the fun part.

Mark_Asher · 2010-02-09T19:55:34.000Z

teledyne:

Art grad student: First date will be tonight. She seems pretty laid back which is kinda nice, but she did say that she was a lesbian up until a few months ago (she has been with a guy though) so I guess I have some sort of inherent straight male requirement to live up to by converting her to heterosexuality (or at least bisexuality?) by use of only my penis.

Teledyne, this made me laugh. The nation of men have their collective eyes on you. No fair catches. We expect you to field the kickoff and weave and wend your way all the way to the end zone and score and then make the conversion.

Mightynute · 2010-02-09T20:12:10.000Z

Mark Asher:

Teledyne, this made me laugh. The nation of men have their collective eyes on you. No fair catches. We expect you to field the kickoff and weave and wend your way all the way to the end zone and score and then make the conversion.

He! Could! Go! All! The! Way!

…I’m really, really sorry for that.

Creole_Ned · 2010-02-09T23:04:00.000Z

Changing my primary photo on several sites has prompted fresh interest. This is good. That none of them so far have been 25 year old closet cases is even better!

I had a second meet-up tonight with someone I met last week. Very nice guy, graphic designer, has an incredibly tidy place with a ceramic watering can shaped like a penis that an artist friend made for him. Likes ambient/trance music. Had a good chat about a variety of subjects, arranged to meet again soon. Enjoyed each others company. Um, a lot.

John_Merva · 2010-02-10T01:04:21.000Z

Gourmand:

For the first thing people notice question, I said that I stare at distant objects when I need to think about something. Looking at someones face I tend to get pulled into interesting facial expressions / contours and lose track of the topic at hand.

Honest answer, but boy does that sound creepy.

Honesty is great, but that sounds like you’re about half a step away from eating her liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti!

teledyne · 2010-02-10T01:31:22.000Z

Mark Asher:

Teledyne, this made me laugh. The nation of men have their collective eyes on you. No fair catches. We expect you to field the kickoff and weave and wend your way all the way to the end zone and score and then make the conversion.

Regarding this: I can now say I’ve taken (though more like gone with) a girl to a strip club on a first date. We randomly took the bus downtown and she asked me about the bars in the area. I named a few, then jokingly said that there were strip bars in the area too. She was much more interested in patronizing a strip club than a bar.

Fumble. Recovered by the opposing team, and brought in for the touchdown.

Alan_Dunkin · 2010-02-10T01:46:57.000Z

I had a somewhat recent date (hetero for those that don’t know me :) where we went to a couple of gay/lesbian clubs (on her suggestion) after food downtown. That was a ton of fun actually.

— Alan

Mightynute · 2010-02-11T14:18:40.000Z

Maybe it’s just me, but lately with the absolute dearth of responses on OKC, I’ve started hitting profiles almost at random like a weird cross between The Bachelor and Press Your Luck, hoping to find something remotely acceptable.

“Come on big money big money no whammy big money no whammies…”

28, Kansas City, Single…

“Big money big money big money…”

3 children

“FUCKING WHAMMY! DAMMIT!”

I wonder if there’s a little Firefox plugin to have a little animated Whammy walk across the screen as I hit the Reject button…

nixon66 · 2010-02-11T14:48:17.000Z

I’m amazed at the little amount of people who respond as well, then again I am the guy with the “1 kid”, so that probably throws a lot of them off. “Hmmm… this guy looks interesting… oh my… kid… yea… next!”

Still though, finally got my first response, after my start just couple of weeks ago. About time.

Adam_Eayrs · 2010-02-11T14:54:07.000Z

I’m not trying to brag or put out a gauntlet or anything, but I created a ringer account based on the very worst things about me and I still ran a 30-40% response rate on 40-odd messages sent. There has got to be something wrong with you, your profile, or your messages. Maybe the kids are enough to do it? Are other single parents the only demographic that won’t balk at kids on the scene?

Shadarr · 2010-02-11T15:36:30.000Z

I think it’s a pretty big barrier, yeah. My girlfriend filtered out everyone with kids from her searches, and while I didn’t do that explicitly I did basically do it mentally, and I never even asked out a woman with kids. I’ve even heard from some women with kids that they wouldn’t date a man with kids, because of the potential issues blending families. It seems awfully hypocritical, but there you go. Maybe the next OK Trends blog can tell us whether having kids is a bigger detriment to dating than, say, herpes.

malkav11 · 2010-02-11T17:14:33.000Z

It would be a big barrier for me. I don’t like most children much and have no desire to raise one (much less more than one). I’d be marginally more open to dating a single mom than procreating myself because of the reduced level of responsibility and the possibility of skipping some of the earliest years, but she’d have to have a lot of other stuff going for her to counterbalance the youngun. And I’d have to get along with said child.

I suspect it’s not going to happen.

Hanacker · 2010-02-11T18:45:56.000Z

If you have a kid, I’d imagine you’d be better off in real-world dating because at least then the person can get to know you a bit before you spring it on them. Online I’d filter out anyone with a kid unless the kidless options in the area were really bad.