I can’t believe that nobody has dropped by here yet to inform us that they like 'em brown, yellow, Puerto Rican and Haitian.
QT3, you disappoint me.
ScubaV
3282
Care to elaborate on that? I’m not saying I’d enter every relationship ticking off some “Are you wife material?” checklist as I go, but I think it’s important to have some goals or some idea of what a long-term (or final) relationship would be like.
I would, but I wouldn’t want to give the impression that I am eligible to be the GB in anybody’s life.
Shadarr
3284
It sounded like you do go into a relationship with a bunch of requirements you’re evaluating against, if you don’t then it’s all good. I just found when I was reading women’s profiles that anything which implied a preconceived expectation about how a relationship should go was a huge turn-off, even if it was something I agreed with. It comes across a little desperate and also makes it seem even more like they’re interviewing applicants to fill a vacant position.
That’s why I always include my resume and a list of references in my profile!
JoshV
3286
It’s perfectly fine to have requirements when dating. You have some too, I bet, even if you don’t admit it. I mean, I bet you don’t want to date a meth addict, right? What if she’s really nice? /strawman I know. =)
I think having too many or too high of requirements is bad, but it’s good to have some standards, though I think listing them in your profile or whatnot is definitely bad form. (I used to always hit next on those girls with a list of 100 things they are looking for in a man or whatever)
Shadarr
3287
I don’t mean standards or vague goals, I’m talking specifically about profiles that give the sense they have a timeline in their head for how their relationship should progress before you’ve even gone on a single date. Sort of like the young woman in Up In The Air who had her whole life plotted out and tried to force her boyfriend into the role she had in her mind.
It’s the whole idea of ruling out women in their 30s because they don’t fit the timetable for when you want to have kids. There are a ton of women who either have kids and want more or are looking to have kids, and that should be enough to pass that check.
I have very high standards for a potential girlfriend, far more stringent than most I’d imagine. But I have no expectations for the relationship beyond fidelity. We may get married and have kids, we may date for years and never live together, or she may move away in May. Obviously some possibilities are more desireable than others, but even if the worst happens it’s not a reason to end or avoid the relationship.
Another update:
Sex columnist: Back in the running! Last week she told me she needed nipple clamps (!!!) and thought I should go with her. We had lunch and had a great time. Ended up going to a local cafe and playing some Upwords. Saw her again last night at a bar in her neck of the woods and another great time drinking beer and throwing popcorn and popcorn seeds at each other and each other’s beer.
Had a spur-of-the-moment date with a woman who works for a law firm selling sexual harassment HR training. We went out for a karaoke and had a pretty sweet time. We have another date on for tonight.
Also had a date with a public policy grad student last week. She’s planning on going into urban planning which is pretty sweet, as this is what I’m studying in my major. Very quirky and very short hair, which to me accentuates the quirkiness. We had a really great time and will probably go on another date next week. She offered to pay for half of the drinks we had, but feeling confident and cocky, I told her she can choose to pay the half now, or get next time. She correctly chose next time. Hopefully a next date actually does happen!
Also had a fourth date with marine biologist girl, which went well, but I was getting vibes that she was looking for a serious relationship rather soon. I let her know a few days after that date that right now, just not looking for anything serious. I was right, and we might have another date on Sunday, but I don’t see it happening.
The first two is quite a pair; a sex columnist looking for nipple clamps and then a woman who works for a law firm selling sexual harassment HR training (oh God those training sessions are awful, and forever spawned the whole “red zone” mantra at my last job).
— Alan
Though I wonder with the first, being her job, does that remove the whole thrill from it? I mean, I’d imagine that being like dating a building contractor who calls you up and says “Hey, I need help loading some drywall”.
Actually, hold on. Cute gals and construction. I’m gonna need a moment.
Well done, teledyne!
WarrenM
3291
Just had to endure a talking eHarmony ad on the front page of the site. DO NOT WANT.
Andrew
3292
“What kind of law do you practice, pretty eyes?”
“Sexual harassment, mostly.”
I have had two people refuse to meet until after the Olympics.
I never imagined this would be how sports might crimp my style when it came to dating.
Zylon
3295
Ted, we all know what this about. You want me to have an abortion.
Yes that would be in the red zone :)
It’s basically the sexual harassment training term used to describe being outside the comfort level a normal office conversation (or action/demeanor) should take for any of the potential or even non-potential participants.
“I am not in favor of that commercial for Big Red,” would be a normal conversation (I think some term this green zone, but of course no one cares about that).
“Damn did you see that fucking commercial? Those jugs were cum-tastically huge!” would be red zone.
You’d think this would be common sense, but it’s generally taught to show how certain behaviors are not acceptable, or more importantly could be deemed sexual harassment without you really knowing it–even to people you’re not talking to.
In male-dominated companies this of course can be a problem (especially gaming companies). Also, from what I understand, insurers give companies discounts/better policies for making externally-approved sexual harassment training mandatory.
— Alan
My inbox on one site this morning, from someone whose profile I have not seen before:
Haha, sounds like a winner Ned.
I’m having moderate success. I have 3 dates lined up, 2 of which I feel pretty “meh” about. The first is a 35 year old ex-lawyer (I’m 26!). The second is an HR rep with similar interests, but who I (unfortunately) don’t find physically attractive. In both cases, I’m trying to keep an open mind. I’ll see if feelings change after a meet up.
The last is a science teacher who seems sweet. Sadly, I can’t really figure out much more than that. She seems a bit shy. So, what I like about her could just be me filling in the blanks.
I also have to confess, I’m pretty bad at composing icebreaking messages. What’s your move QT3? I usually just list points I like about their profile, mention whatever part I personally identify with, and then end with a question about them + an invite to get coffee or tea sometime. I make it a point to never go over 500 characters.
For some reason, they take me forever to compose. How to improve?
My initial message is usually the same – I touch on one or two things in their profile, point out common interests if applicable, then offer an invitation to chat over coffee/beverage. It usually only takes a few minutes to write something like that for me. How to improve on the time it takes to write these? If you write enough, you’ll pick up the pace eventually. :) Just don’t lapse into boilerplate. Some people might not notice but others can smell it a mile away and it’s probably a fair turn-off.
I also have three upcoming dates, two of which I am “meh” on. The first is someone who agreed to meet (after the Olympics) but said up front he felt there was “probably not a physical connection”. Since my reply put the onus on him getting back to me post-Olympics, I am expecting I won’t hear from him again.
The next is a guy I contacted in January. At the time he was about four days from being out of town for a couple weeks, so he suggested we meet when he got back. He got back, I checked in four days later and he said his brother was here from Ontario and we’d have to wait until after the Olympics. Not sure why he never mentioned the brother before (I’d think flying out 3,000+ miles to work at the Olympics wouldn’t be a spontaneous endeavor but hey, what do I know?) so I suspect this, too, will come to naught.
The third guy I impulsively messaged yesterday. We have chatted back and forth a bit and he actually messaged me first today. We have a place and general time frame for meeting, so this one seems more promising.
Finally, there was a guy who messaged me on POF after I checked his profile. We began chatting back and forth via the messaging system there and it finally came out that he had a teenage daughter. No big deal to me, really. He was attending a creative writing class so I suggested we meet after one for coffee. He made a reply that suggested he was open to this then he disappeared. He went from sending a message every other day or so to vanishing. And this is why I always think it’s a bad idea to stretch out the online part of dating any longer than necessary.
Shadarr
3300
My best two first dates were the last two, and in both cases we spent over a week messaging online before meeting. My worst first date was the one where I took the conventional advice and asked her out in the first message. I’m not saying there’s a correlation, I just think that if there’s a connection you’ll end up meeting eventually, and if there isn’t, meeting right away won’t make it happen. You can’t know why he disappeared, but you do know that he didn’t want to meet. Which is really the only part that matters.
