3501

I was going to say that he shouldn’t be posting ads on Craigslist, because that’s the sort of people you meet there, but maybe it’s actually a step up for him.

3502

So I dated a witch. I didn’t know it at the time when we met, but she talked about it later. She was a “weather witch,” meaning she felt she could influence the weather. She was a believer in the “law of attraction” too.

One time we were at a party and she started talking about time machines and how scientists have already invented one. I had to stand there with a smile on my face while she prattled on about it in front of others. I was like I wish I had a time machine so I could go back in time and not go out on this date.

One time she was over at my house and an owl started hooting across the street. That was very odd. She went to the window and listened and said the owl was giving her a message – as a weather witch her familiar was an owl. Anyway, she left because of the owl’s message. I don’t speak owl, so I have no idea what the owl said.

Turns out the owl was telling her to go be with this other guy she had recently met. He was a warlock. I really couldn’t compete. The guy can cast spells, has those glowing red eyes, and gets to wear a nifty cape. I can’t even do card tricks! So she threw me over for a master of the mystic arts.

(And that relationship ended up being a disaster for her, even though she told me he was her “soulmate.” Turns out her soulmate lived with and had children with another woman. Oh well.)

And about her church, I think it’s called the Fifth Spiritualist Church. I went to her church and they talk to dead people there – seriously. They have mediums who talk to the dead people who apparently follow us around. And you know what? They’ve gone to the Great Beyond! They’ve Parted the Veil. They know the mysteries of Life and Death! And what do they come back to tell us? “Why aren’t you wearing a scarf? It’s cold out.” The dead are apparently really boring! So I have transcribed a typical session. :)

Dead: I see…I see…

Living: What? What do you see?

Dead: I see…someone who needs to remember to always wear clean underwear! A squirrel runs in front of your car, a dog chases the squirrel, you swerve, and you wake up at the hospital with doctors wearing Rolexes who went to Ivy League schools peering down at you with holes in your underwear! You want that?

Living: Ma?

Dead: Of course it’s your mother! Who else would care about your underwear? Calvin Klein? And button up when you leave. It’s winter and this isn’t Miami Beach.

Living: Ma, you came back from the dead to scold me about how I dress? Where is the life-altering message?

Dead: You want life-altering? Cut down on the red meat and eat more vegetables. I can hear your arteries hardening all the way here in the spirit world. It’s not a pretty sound. And while you’re at it, would it hurt you to write your mother once in awhile?

Living: But Ma, you’re dead!

Dead: Always with the excuses, this one!

So that was my affair of the heart with a witch.

3503

Ha! CL is no better or worse than any of the other online places. They are all hit or miss and all full of bitter, disillusioned people.

I did have a nice six month relationship with a nice, normal, really sweet woman who I met through a CL ad. I posted a rather odd ad with a short poem by Albert Goldbarth that I like. I essentially said that if you find the poem interesting, you might find me interesting. I only got one response but she and I ended up having a nice time together.

I’ve had much better luck meeting people in person, however. I find the whole online thing a bit tiresome.

3504

Good stories, Mark! Someone I was with for a while claimed to be a witch, but she only read Tarot cards. I guess I should consider myself lucky.

3505

I actually found her interesting to talk to. While I don’t lend much credence to those sorts of things, I find the symbolism inherent in a lot of the lore she knew interesting.

Now I’m going to make a sexist remark. For some reason, I find that women are much more likely to believe in astrology, wiccan things, energy healing, crystals, etc.

3506

Men “believe” in those things, in that they want to sleep with the women who believe in those things.

3507

It’s not entirely sexist - it’s correct to conclude that there are generally more “let’s all do something stupid in the forest and pretend that we can talk woodchuck” women than there are men, and there’s a very good reason for that. New Age bullshit is generally geared toward the feminine empowerment language. An extremely brief flirtation I had with tarot cards back before I was smart enough to know that they were a giant sack of crap very quickly taught me that in the eyes of many of that set, men were definitely second class. A lot of that culture seems to be very concerned with goddess theologies, for example. I assume it goes along with their whole counter-culture thing, but now it’s baked right into the marketing, so it should not be surprising to find a larger number of women who have been led to believe that they can talk to owls about bursting clouds with their brains or whatever than men.

What’s sexist is assuming that they’re more likely to believe because they’re women. They’re not. They’re just far more likely to be marketed to. If I could come up with socially acceptable mystical trappings around Penis Power, I’m sure I could make millions of dollars evening the scales. People end up believing in crazy shit like that because they want an alternative to…well, reality. The alternatives on the particular branch of New Age that you’re examining are mostly directed at women. Head on over to the conspiracy theories and reptoid side of the pond and I suspect you’ll find a different kettle of insaneopods.

3508

I went out with a communist several years ago. I think I’ve told that story here somewhere, though. She had a Rebel Alliance tattoo on her shoulder. That date . . . or rather, the two dates we went on . . . were an exercise in having a thoughtful, honest conversation about differences of opinion with someone who is really out there, vs. actually trying to get laid.

3509

The only person who believes in astrology in my family is my PhD dad. The rest of us find his going on about it quite irritating.

3510

Did you in turn show off your Emperor’s Inner Circle tatts earned from flying those special missions in Tie Fighter?

3511

Well, now that I’m single again (grumble grumble) I guess it’s time to brush up Ye Olde Profile on OkCupid?

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Geekykat

I haven’t touched OkC in over two years, wow. I haven’t actually gone through and edited it, only updated it for factual content (what I’m doing work-wise, what city I live in, etc). So feel free to rip it apart! Lord knows it reads terribly in my eyes.

3512

Aaron, yours is one of the best pictures I’ve seen of the profiles posted in this thread.

A little constructive criticism: I’m no dating expert, but some of you aren’t well-served by the quality of your pics. I can tell you guys are attractive, but your pictures aren’t really bringing that out. Ditch the webcams and cell phone cameras for profile pics. Surely you have a friend and a decent camera. Let your light shine!

3513

You might be surprised. I expect that this is a problem for me, but the only human I know with a camera is my brother and I’m not sure I’m prepared to suffer the lifetime of hectoring that will come with having him snap some glamor shots of me. Also, I would feel almost obligated to pose like a 1940s pinup girl just on principles.

3514

Fair enough, but at least SMILE. :)

Lorini has a really good profile pic too.

3515

I have some pictures I really should not add to my OkC profile, but am so tempted to. One of them is me on the balls of my feet, glaring at the camera, with a 3-foot-long icicle dagger in each gloved hand. My friends love it, and it will always bring back fond snowpocalyptic memories, but I think it’s not quite right for a dating site…

… and then there’s the Otakon pictures… man, all of my pictures from the last two years are unpostable.

3516

I think guys should stick to pictures that don’t make them look menacing. :)

3517

Yea, finding normal looking pictures of myself that were recent proved to be much harder than I expected.

3518

I once went out on a double date once with a friend and his date was a communist. She was a sincere if somewhat flaky young lady who wanted to go on and on about politics. Armed with my portfolio of stock responses from QT3 P&R, I was able to politely engage her in conversation on the topic. This apparently impressed her and at the end of the evening she made a rather transparent and rude attempt to ditch her date and have me ditch mine so we could leave together. That struck me as a bad idea for a whole host of obvious reasons so I declined. I do find it amusing though that my participation in QT3 P&R could have gotten me laid. I bet there aren’t many QT3ers who can say that :)

3519

'scuse me while I get my camwhore on:

If all you have is a cell phone, taking a picture outside in natural light or at least in front of a sunny window will improve the quality by a million percent. Also if you’re doing the mirror shot, to avoid distant “I am so emo” gaze, look where the camera is pointing rather than checking out your reflection to see how you look.

Can you borrow your bro’s camera rather than asking him to take pictures?

Also 40s pinup pictures would be kind of awesome.

3520

Had a rather lame (not even in an interesting way) date last night. Met a girl at a German restaurant/brew house for dinner. She didn’t like the beer she ordered, didn’t like the wurst she ordered (“German isn’t really my favorite food.” Then why didn’t you suggest we go somewhere else??!), was more interested in watching the hockey game than in talking, and didn’t even offer to go dutch.

Then, to top it off, I set down my leftovers while paying for parking and forgot them!