Aaron, I support you man. Whenever I go out and won’t necessarily know some of the people, I tell my roommate that if I don’t text him by a certain time, to text me. If no response for an hour after, he calls. If no answer to the call, he goes to where I expected us to be. If I’m not there, he’s to call the police.
It’s not that weird. It’s called safety. I’d rather have my body found than missing forever.
(Fwiw; never gotten past the initial text phase)
JoshV
3642
I dunno, sounds like a bunch of paranoia if you’re a guy. Judging from craigslist, casual gay sex is pretty easy to come by and getting raped by a woman is, well, highly unlikely, since all they need to do is ask the right guy for some action.
Though I’ll admit I think the first meeting with someone should be at a public place, i think the chances of getting robbed on a second date are pretty slim. Also, if people want kidneys, they go to the Philippines or similar area, they are very cheap there.
Two out of the four first dates I have had or will be having thus far have been at the woman’s house/apartment. The other two were at a cafe.
Okay, yeah, see, one thing you should probably do right there is at least initially meet in a public place with lots of old women and children that you can throw to the ground behind you to slow down the axe murderer that you thought was a pretty lady. I would always meet initially in public to confirm that there’s nothing pear shaped about the situation.
ElGuapo
3645
There’s your problem. First date at her house? Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve been out with some loose women in my time. But who invites you over to their house before meeting you?
There is sexual openness, there are one night stands, there are bar pickups, there is loneliness. And then there is that line that crosses over into the great Kingdom of Lazy Whoredom. This is not a path to travel, for that way leads madness.
If you are a gentlemen you will insist you meet in public, for her safety. You may be a nice guy and not hiding anything, but you can’t vouch for the next guy. You want to teach her good internet dating manners.
Someone who wants to watch a Terry Pratchett movie?
There is sexual openness, there are one night stands, there are bar pickups, there is loneliness. And then there is that line that crosses over into the great Kingdom of Lazy Whoredom. This is not a path to travel, for that way leads madness.
If you are a gentlemen you will insist you meet in public, for her safety. You may be a nice guy and not hiding anything, but you can’t vouch for the next guy. You want to teach her good internet dating manners.
These women have been dating longer than I have, and know full well what they’re doing.
Cubit
3647
Bingo. Also, the first date in a public place isn’t just about safety. If things aren’t going well, it is a lot easier to cut the date short after dinner/movie than if you first met him/her on their doorstep and were invited inside.
Is this the kind of date where you do get detailed instructions up front about where to show up and when and what to be wearing? The kind where you are never quite sure that you’ve even gotten your date’s real name because you don’t think anyone would name a child Mistress Pain?
No, Kraaze, I am not dating professional Dommes. eyeroll
Also, I would as soon date someone named Mistress Pain as I would carve my eyes out with a wooden spoon. The whole Domme subculture is about as appealing or attractive as prostitution, except with more hypocrisy and less aesthetic sense.
I agree with EG – I wouldn’t go on a first date to some woman’s house. And those women really should have more sense than to have a man they have yet to meet over to their house. Seriously, a lot of men would make the assumption that they’ve been invited to hook up.
I did have a first meeting with a woman at my place – her idea. Of course she was a police officer, so I’m sure that made her feel safe.
ElGuapo
3651
I think you should read again what I wrote. You think you are paranoid? These girls should not be inviting strange men into their place, no matter how empowered they feel or how wimpy you appear. It’s why you don’t approach strange women at 2AM in underground parking lots for a chit chat.
I’ve had girls invite me over to their places before on first “dates” . . . but always insisted we meet in public first.
I would not meet someone at my place or his for a first date, primarily for the reason Cubit mentions – if the date doesn’t pan out, it is much easier to slip away early if you’re in a public place. I also think there’s a level of familiarity in entering someone’s home that makes going there on an initial date awkward.
EDIT: Mark makes a good point, too. A first date at someone’s home can be misinterpreted as a hook-up.
I’ll tell you what… after we watch Hogfather, I’ll ask Kirsten why she felt comfortable inviting me over for a first date. Presumably it had something to do with the 100,000 words’ worth of messages we sent eachother, but you never know.
And yet you’re still afraid of being raped.
Fear doesn’t have to be reasonable or rational, and having something arranged that I really doubt I’ll ever need means I’ll be less nervous / worried going into the date.
It’s annoying that I post here under my real name, because I’d like to say more, but you know what, I’m looking for a job right now, no need to say too many stupid things.
Cubit
3656
It is just funny that on one hand you are perfectly fine with a first date at someone’s house, but you also have a system of “nonce’d rape checks” in place and are admittedly paranoid.
Here, let me help you resolve your logical conundrum.
Point 3 necessitates Point 2 in order for me to be comfortable with Point 1.
Does that help?
Cubit
3658
I don’t have a “logical conundrum”, I just think your position is funny and a little odd. Why not just have a first date in a public place and eschew the rape checks?
But whatever floats your boat.
Obviously because you can’t watch a Terry Pratchett movie in a public place. If only you could! That’d be awesome.
That’s a completely different approach than the one I take now. After learning that most dates start and end with the first one, I no longer invest a lot of pre-date time to messaging back and forth over IM/e-mail or what have you because chances are you won’t click with the person when you finally meet, no matter how well things seemed to click online.
But YMMV and all that. You do what works for you. Chances are you’ll be married and having kids while I’m trying to think of a clever excuse to not meet the guy whose profile I failed to notice had “nipple play” listed as an “into”.
