There’s not much to tell, really.
The first time we met something clicked for me. I had a great time. I wanted to meet again, to date again. When he asked at the end of that evening if I wanted to get together on the weekend, I mistakenly assumed he felt the same thing.
After the movie (third “date”), I brought up the subject and that’s where I got the “let’s just be friends” talk. I was interested in dating, he just wants to be friends. That’s all. I seem to make a good friend for many of my dates. It’s like my super ability or something.
Anyway, as I said before, this completes the current dating cycle for me. I’m not sure what would compel me to resume dating again. Insanity, perhaps.
So far we are two-for-two on psychotic wackos from OKC once things move from email to a phone conversation. The first one was “How can you support gun control you godless commie?” chick from a few months ago, but yesterday’s… ah man.
a) Apparently the fact that I have a job makes her concerned that I’m “settling” and “giving up on dreams”. Her? “Oh, I’ve been a free spirit, between jobs since 2008. I don’t like to be tied down to routine.”
b) Also, the fact that I’ve even had past relationships is a “warning sign”. Because if I didn’t have “baggage” and “drama”, then obviously any relationship I’ve ever had would be the One True Love permanent one.
So if anyone in the KC area has never had a girlfriend and has no intention of ever being gainfully employed - I think I have found the woman for you!
I’ve tried somewhere in that neighborhood. I don’t really recommend it. It may just be me, but being around me in person is different from being around me on the phone or online, and not being able to condition another individual to accept the strange bag of contradictions that is myself in person on a regular and routine basis (which you will not be able to do with that much distance between the two of you) is a formula for failure. That whole experience kind of ruined my life for a couple of years, though, so I might be a little bit jaded on the whole distance thing.
The other thing to consider, however, is the amount of weight you’ll be putting on your meeting when you meet. Another thing I have learned over the past few years is that you do NOT dick around exchanging emails. Find out that neither one of us is an axe murderer and then meet me in a public location NOW, because that’s how we’re going to be spending time together. Distance makes that kind of a challenge, which, for me, has historically made it a little bit weird to figure out what in the ass crapping bastard hell is the situation when meeting somebody from far away.
I drove a thousand miles to meet someone from online. Seven years later, I married her.
In my defense, we didn’t meet doing dating stuff, we met in an online writing workshop, spent a year talking online and on the phone, and then I decided to come out to visit over a summer for two weeks, see Kansas City, and we were going to see if we hit it off well in person, and could then try dating and doing something about closing that thousand-mile gap. Two years later I moved to Kansas City with two friends of mine, two and a half years after -that- we moved in together, and eventually I proposed and we got married a year and a half ago.
I don’t recommend this method. I’m overjoyed that it worked for me because my wife and I work together perfectly and I couldn’t be happier, but I tell everyone not to do what I did because I still don’t know -how- we made it work.
Because you’re both nerds with no other prospects! Kudos!
(I kid, I kid.)
Ned, this is what you say:
“Well, if I’m not getting laid, I inevitably turn into a terrible friend. Peace out, cya!”
Fortunately in the 21st century, it is no longer necessary to find a way to constantly wait by the phone while prentending not to, so this gambit works infinitely better now than it has historically.
Best of luck with whatever strategem you select next! What was it again? Giving up? Yeah, rock on!
So Brian, when you’re sitting there reading Guns & Ammo and masturbating in your own feces, do you ever realize you’re crazy? Like it just hits you, “holy shit, I’m out of my tree!”
In other words, no, it’s not just you.
I don’t know, Zylon, maybe that was a rude way of putting it. Very apt, though!
Leah_C
3870
Years ago, this dude came to Virginia from Ireland to spend a couple days in my town and ask me out. He was a bit surprised when I said no. I was surprised he came to f-ing VIRGINIA to ask me out.
He did the same thing a couple of years later with another woman. I think she was in Colorado. They ended up getting married and having two kids.
I had a long distance relationship with another internet guy before that. North Carolina/San Francisco. We made trips back and forth. It was kind of nice because I got to spend a lot of time pretending he didn’t exist. That should’ve clued me in that me + long distance = bad idea. Or maybe me + him = bad idea.
Now I can’t imagine going across the Bay Bridge to meet someone. It was annoying when Gary lived across town.
Shadarr
3871
I did the long distance thing for a long time, and like Leah it should’ve clued me in that I liked living alone for the majority of the time. When she finally moved over and we lived together, we broke up after 6 months.
I think I could do it again if I was dating someone and then she moved away, but I would not start a relationship that way. When I was internet dating I rejected anyone outside of town, even if it was less than an hour drive.
1243 miles according to google maps. Though technically she made that drive. I never did worse than 400 miles by car. I flew longer trips :)
My story has a happy ending too. I netted my wife out of the deal. Long distance relationships are a nuisance but can be made to work.
It really helped that we knew each other from playing the same MUD and were friends before we decided to take it further into being intimate. Since we were both people naturally inclined to spend a lot of time online we kept a constant stream of IM chat for hours a day. With that sort of communication we both felt like we were staying in touch and not drifting apart despite going months between visits.
ScubaV
3873
Zylon: I really think he is.
I knew a raid leader in an old WoW guild who moved from Germany to North Carolina to live with a recently divorced single mom in our guild. Every now and then it would come up how “lonely” she was and then suddenly the news broke that he moved in. I have no idea what happened to the relationship as our guild broke up (from lack of participation/raid success, not drama), I quit WoW, people server transferred, and I lost contact with everyone.
Man, Jackstar has become markedly more odious in the past weeks. I guess my ignore list gets to be 1 larger.
On an on-topic note, my relationships, such as they are, are proceeding apace… and deliciously. I’ve had some hilariously bad dates, but the two that went well, we’re still seeing each other. Neither of them is someone I’d be interested in being with long-term, and both of them are okay with what we have.
And in the meantime, I continue to seek dates.
Now that Aaron has finally put me on ignore, I can finally admit that, yes, it’s true, when people insult me, I insult them back.
Shh, don’t anyone tell him my cunning and vicious plot. Odious, indeed.
Shadarr
3877
Your flames have been noticeably less clever recently, though. Have you switched meds?
I’m not sure I can properly navigate the sarcasm here, but for what it’s worth, the guy did nothing wrong – he’s just not attracted to me in any sort of romantic way. We may very well end up being good friends, as we do have a number of things in common. And that’s okay, just not exactly what I was hoping for.
And I’m not giving up, just taking a break from the whole thing. I need time to recharge and get a few other things straightened out (so to speak). Going insane would probably make it easier when I resume dating, though!
In fact, I thought it might be fun to try a designed-by-Qt3-committee approach next time, see what sort of results that leads to. If nothing else, it could provide some cheap entertainment.
Tapir battle dancing supertaster shit bonerz?
With choggle-pants.
Oh, and I get to introduce Kn to Caylus on Wednesday at a regular game night. That will be interesting. She’s introducing me in turn to Ticket to Ride and Frag (neither of which I’ve played, shockingly) and we’re playing Set. That’ll be even more interesting!
