3901

I don’t know that I’m necessarily doing anything wrong, though. As I’ve said before, chemistry is elusive. It could be that I’ve just not met someone who I ‘clicked’ for. It’s been a year. Is that a long time to go without finding a good match? I have no frame of reference, so I couldn’t say.

But by taking a break, I am using the time to reflect on my approach and what I might do differently. I am not precisely the same person I was when I started this thread. I am more outgoing, more likely to take charge, to suggest things, to speak my mind. I dress better. I run. Not from things, on a trail.

Maybe I need to change something, maybe I don’t. I’ll be mulling it over. Perhaps I’ll end up shaving my head, getting a tattoo on my butt, joining an obscure band as the drummer and then the guys will find me irresistible. Or perhaps not.

Do you have an example of what sort of thing I would consider changing? Some things are easy. “Don’t go on a date with your breath smelling like moldy newspaper” is easy to change. “Don’t go on a date without having more muscles than a Rob Liefeld sketch” – not so much.

As for the other guy, I don’t mind having him as a friend. He’s interesting, I enjoy his company. He enjoys mine. What’s wrong with that?

3902

Oh dear. K has informed me that I should beware, and possibly read through the rules of Set beforehand or even play a game or two, because it is a deceptively deep game for all its simplicity, and it takes some time to get used to it. She doesn’t want me to embarrass myself tomorrow evening, you see.

It’s such a tossup… do I tell her that I’ve played it since I can remember? Or do I stay silent, and match her glares with my grins and, possibly, evil laughs?

Of course, it’s entirely possible she’s as good as me or better, in which case it’ll be hilarity the other way!

3903

I think you are over thinking things a bit, Ned. All dating relationships fail until you find one that doesn’t. Rejection is part of dating. It hurts, but we shouldn’t dwell on it. Just keep meeting people you think are cool, and one of these days you will find someone who reciprocates your interest and likes you just how you are. Honestly, rejection doesn’t mean anything.

3904

Nothing wrong with it, unless you have too many friends already. You can’t turn the wrong guy into the right guy by wishing, or working out, or being more assertive.

I also think Jackstar’s high-pressure approach is ass backward. In fact, I think you were already going too hard at this. Don’t go full bore and then stop, it’s not something you can brute-force. Keep meeting new people and keep an open mind, without putting pressure on yourself that this is something you’re doing to achieve a specific result.

My girlfriend’s profile had no picture and said she was looking to “hang out”. I was looking for a relationship. I could’ve easily rejected her out of hand, but she seemed like someone I’d like to get to know regardless of whether it went anywhere. If I’d been totally focused on finding a relationship, or if I’d burned out and quit looking, I would’ve missed her. Some things, you just have to let happen.

I don’t think there is any possible upside to trying to hussle your date.

3905

No capes, darling.

You would think people wouldn’t need to be told that. On the other hand, maybe that’s what you should get when you make a profile on geek2geek.

I did not actually meet the man in the cape. He simply winked at me to show his interest in my profile, I clicked to check out his and the first thing I noticed was him in a silly hat and a cape. I think it was RennFaire or something. I didn’t reply. Later he mailed me asking me to please explain why I didn’t answer. Was it something with his profile? He even gave me his email address so I wouldn’t have to activate my account and pay for the privilege of replying. I still feel a little bad that I didn’t reply, but the best I could come up with was ‘In your picture, you are wearing a cape. You need a girl who is okay with a guy wearing a cape. I am not that girl.’ And also, I didn’t want a) him knowing my real email address or b) going through the trouble of whipping up a quick disposable one.

My dislike of capes probably comes from dating a LARPer once. Long distance (313 miles).

Not that I thought you were a cape-wearing kind of guy! But just in general.

3906

Ummm… yeah. Capes.

Nice first post though :)

— Alan

3907

Kissoon.

3908

What prompted jafd to start posting so much, anyway? Quiet for years and then, wham, troll up the ass.

3909

He didn’t deny a change in meds, so…

3910

What’s wrong is that you want to enjoy his penis, and you’re allegedly not allowed to, nor is there any apparent acceptable substitute. If you’re okay with that, by all means, carry on doing what you’re doing.

I would honestly like to explain in more detail, but I have to go get ready to get laid. Oh wait, maybe I just did.

3911

The hilarity of it. We’re both the kind of people that would find it hilarious to get rocked unexpectedly at a card/board game. But hey! what do I know. I’ll tell you tomorrow, if she kicks me out of the house for ‘hussling’. Or Thursday, otherwise. :P

3912

Acting out?

3913

Nah, I’m probably giving the wrong impression here. I have rejected people I’ve met, some have rejected me – as you say, it’s part of the experience. It kind of sucks to be the rejectee but I don’t dwell on it (if I post in the immediate aftermath, it probably seems that way).

I don’t harbor the illusion that I could change a person or that they would magically change on their own. It might be fun to be that delusional, though!

As for being friends, we got to see House for free. I can live with that.

I don’t think I’ve been brute-forcing things, but I am a little burnt out on the process, so a break is more about recharging than looking for dramatic revelations on finding the perfect match.

I can safely report all dates have been cape-free.

I think I said it before in this thread – sex is easy, dating is hard. I have no problems finding a hook-up if I want one. I’m interested in meeting a partner who is compatible in and out of the bedroom. That’s a bit trickier than just a good lay.

3914

Edit in an Incredibles link. That bit was great.

3915

My experience with internet dating has been pretty horrible. I have learned a lot. That’s the best I can say about it.

I started off with a profile on geek2geek, which usually only resulted in a message every few months, including cape guy and a guy I would wind up playing Scrabble with via Facebook. But this doesn’t start out with a horrible geek2geek story!

Since the profile thing wasn’t so bad on geek2geek, I figured I may as well try something a little more mainstream and signed up with Plenty of Fish. Which was fun, and about five days in I got messaged by a guy with a lot in common with me. So much in common that he had actually previously taken classes at my kung fu place long before I ever got there. For the purpose of this post, I will say his name was Brad. So we met and it was cool and I had someone to see sci-fi movies with. I stayed over at his place pretty much every weekend, he met my friends, I met a couple of his friends. We played video games (sucker couldn’t beat me at Tetris) and watched Big Bang Theory and Farscape and stuff like that. About five months in, I get a friend request from a guy I know from Warcraft. While I friend him, I look at the ‘relationship status’ thing on my Facebook profile.

I hesitate. I think for a bit. So I’m at his place every weekend, check. So he says he missed me when he went camping for some electronica thing in the woods. We never actually said it officially - we actually had this discussion during the episode of Big Bang Theory where Leonard changes his Facebook status to ‘in a relationship’ - but I figure, hey, five months. Sure. I update. It’s Facebook! No big deal. THAT WAS MY MISTAKE.

He doesn’t update his. I figure he hadn’t seen it. Neither of us were big Facebookers. I shrug it off 'til he mentions talking to a half-sister on Facebook. Turns out he had seen my update and ‘meant to talk to me about it’. Why did he want to talk to me about it? I asked. Were we in fact not in a relationship? Should I take it down? He agreed I should but didn’t want to talk about it. I get mad but figure fine, it’s Facebook, maybe he has a crazy ex girlfriend stalker or something or he really hates those little relationship status things. So I let it slide for a week or so until it’s the weekend again and I figure, well, if I’m spending time with this guy this weekend I should clear this stuff up, right?

It turns out that five months is not in fact a relationship. I discovered he felt saying he was ‘in a relationship with someone’ was pretty much ‘I am going to marry this person’. I told him he had perhaps confused it with the term ‘engaged’. This was a big step for him! Changing his Facebook status? How dare I not consult with him before changing mine!

So I figured maybe I shouldn’t stick with a guy who wouldn’t even commit to a Facebook status and waited a week to get around to telling me it wasn’t a relationship. Or would have waited more if I hadn’t pressed the issue. And he was kind of self-centered and not very considerate, either.

So Facebook had a part in my break-up (non-breakup of a non-relationship?), something I considered a great indignity. It makes for a fun story, though. And from that point on and forever after, he was referred to as ‘Facebook Brad’.

3916

No, because the Guapo haters always fuck it up when he posts. (I love ya Jerri, but cut him some slack)

Thank goodness we have a Wall Of Text poster contributing now.

I mainly read this thread to check in on Ned, hoping he finds a good match.

3917

That is my longest story. I promise.

3918

I have so far greatly enjoyed your posts and have found the lengths perfect.

However, your non-relationship should never have gone past “electronica thing in the woods.”

3919

Hey, I wasn’t alone.

3920

Well I don’t mean to be tearing you down, since I innately understand your dilemmnna, but my point is pretty much that I don’t see how spending any time at all out of your day to hang out in any fashion with Verboten Penis Guy is going to contribute to your stated or implicit goals.

Perhaps I’m reading the situation differently than you. “Hey, you’re great to hang out with! I like lots of things about you! Except your penis. No, I don’t like that. I’ve never seen it, but I don’t like the way you’re carrying it. Hey, you want to hang out and form a semblance of an emotional bond anyway?”

Say it with me, Ned. It’s a trap. Carve a route out.