That Internet dating thing

[Andrew]

Yeah, I’ve been dating my girlfriend for years and she still doesn’t list herself as “in a relationship” on Facebook, just because it isn’t something she wants to broadcast around randomly. But it is a good idea to have “the talk” a little sooner than 5 months into dating somebody, just to make sure that you are both on the same page. It is too easy for people to just assume the other person is thinking the same thing. Not a “where are we going” talk, but a “where are we now” kind of thing.

[Creole_Ned]

Davids have been my Brads.

Toilet guy was a David.

And thanks, DrCrypt. I’ll get back into the game when I’ve landed more regular employment – it’s distracting me right now, I think.

[ABailey]

I realize that the (non)relationship was doomed for lots of other reasons, like electronica in the woods and having the wrong name, but Holy stereotypical girl drama, Batman. You really got into that much of a tizzy over Facebook? I guess it’s good because otherwise you wouldn’t’ve figured out the relationship was doomed, but still. That story had a very grade-8-homeroom-gossip vibe for me.

I very much agree it has an 8th grade vibe to it. I found it utterly baffling that he got into a tizzy and avoided just talking about it. It was a mistake to update but I seriously do not care if a relationship is announced on Facebook. It was his reaction to it that bummed me out. It’s Facebook. The whole situation was dumb, and yes, it is a good thing it happened so I didn’t waste any more time with this guy.

He started the Brad hate. The next Brad I met through a dating site just sealed the deal!

(That Brad knew about the first Brad and was super pleased when I said I wanted to clear up whether or not we were dating/what the intentions were. Then the next day he accidentally sent me the Gchat message he meant to send to some other chick featuring his dick and her ‘silicone mounds’. Points for not lying, points deducted for saying he needed ‘an emotional release’ and ‘couldn’t help himself’. He had a bit of a past with women but assured me he was ready to settle down into a committed relationship. I tried to forget about it but wound up deciding it was too smarmy for me to deal with.)

(Brad the second is now known as ‘Sex-texter Brad’.)

Edited to add: A Millennium Falcon is cool. A Millennium Falcon coupled with every Star Wars Lego figure ever made and flanked with three Final Fantasy figures and a bust of Scarlett from G.I. Joe all prominently displayed in the living room is not cool. That is for your study/computer room or I suppose your bedroom, but I do not want to accidentally knock over Jango Fett and set off a domino-like cascade of toys when I would rather be paying attention to other things.

[Andrew]

Haha. “An emotional release”! Oh man.

[Mightynute]

Edited to add: A Millennium Falcon is cool. A Millennium Falcon coupled with every Star Wars Lego figure ever made and flanked with three Final Fantasy figures and a bust of Scarlett from G.I. Joe all prominently displayed in the living room is not cool. That is for your study/computer room or I suppose your bedroom, but I do not want to accidentally knock over Jango Fett and set off a domino-like cascade of toys when I would rather be paying attention to other things.

Aha, now that’s understandable. A well-kept geek collection is something to be respected. Laughed at a little, but respected. But when it becomes ubiquitous and becomes the entirety of the decor rather than an aesthetic part of it - that’s a bit over the line.

Sort of like the rule that it’s okay to have a poster in your living room, as long as it’s in a frame. Collectibles displayed to be admired or shown off? Fine. Toys spread all over the living room - sign that there’s a six year old in the house, either physically or emotionally.

[Editer]

a … half-a-decade old controversy that I regret – I was clearly out of line – but which everyone else has moved on from?

Oh, you assume too much, sir.

[Creole_Ned]

Well I don’t mean to be tearing you down, since I innately understand your dilemmnna, but my point is pretty much that I don’t see how spending any time at all out of your day to hang out in any fashion with Verboten Penis Guy is going to contribute to your stated or implicit goals.

Perhaps I’m reading the situation differently than you. “Hey, you’re great to hang out with! I like lots of things about you! Except your penis. No, I don’t like that. I’ve never seen it, but I don’t like the way you’re carrying it. Hey, you want to hang out and form a semblance of an emotional bond anyway?”

Say it with me, Ned. It’s a trap. Carve a route out.

Yes, you are reading the situation differently than me.

I have X amount of free time. I spend it doing various things – writing, jogging, hanging out with friends, reading and so on.

I use some of that time for dating, too. Spending time with a former date goes into the “hanging out with friends” portion. It doesn’t impact the dating part at all.

Emotionally, I’m capable of dealing with the disappointment of being rejected and going on to be friends. My closest friend is a former date.

Anyway, now I totally want to see jeffd’s Millennium Falcon Lego model.

[Leah_C]

I’ve got a Lego Millennium Falcon in my living room. The giant one. Any woman who judges me for that can go jump into traffic - that thing is fucking sweet!

Lego don’t count as toys. Lego are tiny morsels of awesome that combine with one another to create even larger pieces of awesome.

When we finally get around to building the most awesome Christmas present a guy has ever given me, it’s so going in the house somewhere. The Star Wars sets will most likely stay out, too.

[Jackstar]

I use some of that time for dating, too. Spending time with a former date goes into the “hanging out with friends” portion. It doesn’t impact the dating part at all.

Have you ever read “The Body”?

Your friends drag you down.

[ElGuapo]

Note to self: move Jango Fett figure to a safer location.

[sinfony]

Jango Fett? You sick bastard.

[Mightynute]

Actually had a decent phone conversation with a gal from OKC last night. “Decent” meaning “wasn’t psycho”, at least. After an interesting chat about Filipino stick-fighting (the odds of finding someone else who’s studied arnis in the Midwest were low enough that it piqued my interest, the fact that she happens to be kinda cute was just extra) - the conversation seemed to fall flat. Not necessarily awkward or forced, just… boring. It was like “Wow, you have one interesting characteristic, and that’s it”.

So, if she calls to chat or set up a coffee/drinks date, yay for me. If not, I actually won’t be all that disappointed. I suppose that’s a step in the right direction for self-confidence, yay.

[Mark_Asher]

Actually had a decent phone conversation with a gal from OKC last night. “Decent” meaning “wasn’t psycho”, at least. After an interesting chat about Filipino stick-fighting (the odds of finding someone else who’s studied arnis in the Midwest were low enough that it piqued my interest, the fact that she happens to be kinda cute was just extra) - the conversation seemed to fall flat. Not necessarily awkward or forced, just… boring. It was like “Wow, you have one interesting characteristic, and that’s it”.

So, if she calls to chat or set up a coffee/drinks date, yay for me. If not, I actually won’t be all that disappointed. I suppose that’s a step in the right direction for self-confidence, yay.

You’re the guy, right? She probably expects you to call. I wouldn’t wait for her.

[ABailey]

So I started the internet dating thing in late February 2009. I finished in February 2010 when I met a nice-enough seeming guy for a date. It was a pretty good date. We laughed a lot, I left with a smile thinking it was not bad.

Then, the day we were supposed to go on our second date, he friendzoned me because he ‘didn’t feel sparks and butterflies’. I guess I should’ve ridden my rainbow-shitting unicorn to the date. I hear that really impresses fourteen-year-old girls.

And I’m done! The only people I’ve gone out with that I still talk to/would like to talk to, I met offline.

[Mightynute]

You’re the guy, right? She probably expects you to call. I wouldn’t wait for her.

I did call her. The next call is hers, she’s got my number. I don’t buy in to the whole “the guy has to take the initiative every step of the way”, and I have no interest in dating someone who subscribes to that idiom.

[Mark_Asher]

So I started the internet dating thing in late February 2009. I finished in February 2010 when I met a nice-enough seeming guy for a date. It was a pretty good date. We laughed a lot, I left with a smile thinking it was not bad.

Then, the day we were supposed to go on our second date, he friendzoned me because he ‘didn’t feel sparks and butterflies’. I guess I should’ve ridden my rainbow-shitting unicorn to the date. I hear that really impresses fourteen-year-old girls.

And I’m done! The only people I’ve gone out with that I still talk to/would like to talk to, I met offline.

I found this to be the case with online dating. It’s like you have to sift through a lot more candidates to find someone than if you go the more traditional route of clicking with someone you managed to meet in person.

It’s a numbers game both ways – lots more opportunity with online stuff, but the percentages are low. Fewer opportunities with meeting someone the old-fashioned way, but the success percentage seems higher.

[Mightynute]

I found this to be the case with online dating. It’s like you have to sift through a lot more candidates to find someone than if you go the more traditional route of clicking with someone you managed to meet in person.

It’s a numbers game both ways – lots more opportunity with online stuff, but the percentages are low. Fewer opportunities with meeting someone the old-fashioned way, but the success percentage seems higher.

Exactly. Online dating has the major advantage of convenience - you’re not likely to meet 10 women in one night going out to any social event, whereas with a dating service you can spread your focus and multitask. However, odds of success are lower with the online method, but the end result works out about the same, at least from anecdotal data.

[Mark_Asher]

I did call her. The next call is hers, she’s got my number. I don’t buy in to the whole “the guy has to take the initiative every step of the way”, and I have no interest in dating someone who subscribes to that idiom.

So why are you subscribing to the “I go, you go” idiom? And does she know this? People can be quite liberal-minded about most things but when it comes to dating, be a bit more old-fashioned.

My feeling is that if you want to talk to her again, talk to her again.

[Mightynute]

So why are you subscribing to the “I go, you go” idiom? And does she know this? People can be quite liberal-minded about most things but when it comes to dating, be a bit more old-fashioned.

My feeling is that if you want to talk to her again, talk to her again.

Honestly? Because I’m not sure she’s all that interested. If she is, she’ll call. If she’s not, she won’t.

[Matt_Bowyer]

Have to agree with Mark on this one. You don’t wait for the opportunity to go to you, you go to it!