4461

Why am I such a sucker for facial hair?

Keep the first two pictures, and trash the last two. The first pic is a good show of character (to me), and makes me smile. Interested parties will be able to pick you out of that crowd easily as long as your main picture still looks like you (beard/glasses). The second picture is fine, probably still not “main picture” quality. Cute face, but the obsessive analytical types will be wondering what you are hiding under that jacket.

The third pic doesn’t make sense without context, so unless you have an awesome story about why you are walking a Macy’s Day Parade balloon through the tundra, I wouldn’t use it. The fourth pic is just terrible :p.

4462

Thanks for the feedback.

I’m surprised a bit about the 4rth pic but I’ll roll with that.

I don’t have a dog, but I do have a cat. Walking her just isn’t the same, but maybe I can get my brother to take a camera out from the university, one of the nice huge expensive ones and get a pic of her attacking my face when I talk on the phone. Though she’d be covering my eyes at that point, hmmm.

4463

So what do you guys do when you find someone you know IRL on OkCupid?

Thus far, I’ve found… hm. At least seven.

I tend to send them a message and be all “Hey, what’s up? Nice profile, you should come by the ACM (e.d.: a computer club where my friends tend to hang out) more often. Also, you still owe me the vegan brownie recipe.”

Well, okay, that was only one person, but still.

Anyway, what’s your experience / tendency? Just ignore them and hope they never find you? Send them a message to share the amusement? Ask them out, since they’re single / available?

4464

With my friend, we critiqued each other’s profiles. With my landlord and a woman I used to work with, we pretended we’d never seen each other’s profiles.

4465

I’m on there, but with a profile that clearly states I’m not available and not to message me (that doesn’t actually work, but whatever).

Sometimes my single friends will see my profile and ask me to look at/critique theirs. If I find a friend on there, I don’t mention it. I know some of my friends are a bit shy about online dating. I don’t run across people these days since I’m not actively looking though.

Speaking of friends and online dating…what do you do when a sort of emotionally sensitive friend asks you to check out their profile and they are misrepresenting themselves in a way that makes them seem douchey instead of like the really nice person they are? The things aren’t really even true, they’re mostly exaggerations and traits he wishes he had. Example, he likes to think he’s a “bad boy” and really he is very, very far from it. I guess since he asked me to look, it’s fair game to burst his bubble…?

4466

Yes. Absolutely break his bubble. Point out that he’s misrepresenting himself, and that he’ll get a lot further with the women who will respond to a profile that’s true to himself than he will with women who will respond to a less honest one.

4467

Ditto what Aaron said, and also point out that telling women what they want to hear is a good way to get first dates but not second dates.

4468

Agreed with Aaron and Shadarr. Just be gentle as you burst the guy’s bubble. :) Also, you can go into the settings of your OKC account and disable it if you’re not actively looking or don’t want to receive messages. This hides the account but doesn’t delete anything associated with it. I disabled mine when I took my ‘break’ from online dating.

I had an odd thing happen today that was probably inevitable. I was riding the bus back from downtown this afternoon and saw someone get on who looked somewhat familiar. I realized I had seen his profile on one of the gay dating sites I use. I sent him a message asking if it was indeed him and he confirmed it (and was impressed with my observation skills). He’s looking more for hook-ups, so not really my thing, but it would have made for a decent icebreaker otherwise.

4469

I’ve found a few, including one particular woman I despised at work. Feels a little weird; ignore them as much as possible.

— Alan

4470

This. I had a friend who had a profile on a site called Christian Cafe. A Christian site mind you where you would think honor and honesty would be the rule of the day. Not so much. My pal had so many lies about himself that I was dumbfounded. This was the kind of crap that gives online dating a bad name. He had that he made over 100k per year. He hasn’t made 100k in any 15 years combined! He never works, always looking for get rich quick schemes and lives with his mother. Oh, and he is 50 years old! I had to do some major bubble bursting! Didn’t matter a whit though, he didn’t change anything.

4471

Maybe he meant household income, and his mom has a really good job.

4472

That’s not “a bubble” that’s flagrant deception, or perhaps delusion.

4473

So I went on the date with the Okcupid girl. It went well, she wanted to start at the Starbucks in the Chapters but I showed her the much better coffee place nearby. We hung around, saw a movie etc. She’s a nerd definitely, also a coffee/history nerd. I bought her lunch, she wanted to pay for movie tickets. I lost my movie ticket for a minute, took me a whole 3 minutes to do too.

I like her personality, I can get over that she’s non-denominational religious (or at least she didn’t want to say what she was), but I think her weight might be an issue? Is that horrible to say. She’s not just a little overweight, and all of it’s in her belly. I like her, I could definitely be her friend, but I’m not sure if I’m attracted to her.

Anyway we have another date next week, I’ll see if there’s anything there then.

4474

Attraction is attraction, man. You can’t fake it. Especially for fat chicks. ;)

4475

Not horrible to say. If you’re not attracted to her because of her weight, that’s not your problem. Some guys like that or will deal with it, but if it’s a dealbreaker for you, it’s better for you to be honest with yourself about it. Don’t string her along just to be a nice guy, it will only make things worse down the road.

4476

^^^ This most of all.

4477

Yeah. Do it too long, and you wind up in a relationship based on that alone. Those suck.

4478

I have been hitting the ol’ dating sites in the last week, squeezing them for all they’re worth, like fresh melons at the farmers market.

As of right now, I have a pending meeting with someone from PoF who contacted me first. After a few messages had been exchanged he admitted he had first thought about sending me a note a year ago but waited. I like his profile, he seems smart and needless to say, may also be a bit shy.

Last weekend I met two guys, one on Saturday and one on Sunday.

Saturday guy is about five years older and contacted me first on PoF. He lives in Langley, meaning that when he heads out of town the gay population there dips by 50%. We ended up walking the seawall (about 5.5 miles) and chatting mostly about him and his background. I tend to be more of a listener so this is not uncommon the first time I meet someone.

He came out just this past January and had been married for 17 years so being out is still a relatively new thing for him. It’s hard for me to relate to, being such a vastly different experience than my own. He mentioned up front that he is seeing someone but the description of the relationship made it sound like it was on a shaky foundation. I guess he is keeping his options open or is just looking for friends.

He seems nice enough but even if he were unattached I doubt I’d have any real interest. His world is too different than mine. Plus he talked about the ex a lot, which is a bit of a flag on the first get-together.

Sunday guy had also contacted me first. From the IM chat we had it sounded like he was angling more for a hook-up than a date and I’m looking for more than that at this point. He went on to assure me that if we got together and just chatted that would be cool, too. No pressure and all that.

So we met and he talked about his parents, both of whom died of lung cancer. As you might expect, this was a bit of a downer. He talked in great detail about their deaths, the hospital visits, dealing with the staff there, dealing with siblings and others. He talked the way a shark swims, never stopping, never pausing. Not only did I not have to interject at any point to keep the conversation going, I pretty much couldn’t interject.

He said he wanted to meet again but hasn’t made contact since. I don’t mind so much because my ears need the rest.

Tonight I sent a message to someone on PoF (who had viewed my profile but not contacted me) whose profile reads in part “Im also interested in dating guys who –like me- want to disprove the theory that nice guys always finish last, because (Ill be honest) I am a decent and honest nice guy who tries to live every day to its fullest.” He deleted my message without reading it. Perhaps it is his way of proving the point he was making.

And speaking of PoF, it has become even more obnoxious with a now mandatory question about your longest relationship:

I don’t think the longest you’ve been in a relationship is a detail that needs to be mandatory. I tried using the ‘Contact Us’ link to complain but the page appears to actually be a glorified FAQ, with no actual way to contact someone at PoF.

Overall, I say bleah.

4479

When the girl I’ve been chatting with for the past week deletes her account from the site, does that mean she’s not interested in me?

Yeah, thought so.

4480

Signs point to yes, but there could be a small chance her account got banned or somebody else was harassing her or something. Shit happens. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything towards you. Did she give you another means of contacting her? If not, then I wouldn’t worry about it and just move on.