4481

The only way to be sure is to track her down, corner her, and ask her directly.

4482

So in the last ten days, it has been super crazy…

We sorta had sex with that one couple. His wife and I got right down to business but he couldn’t get it up and running. The wife and I both thought that we were getting an experienced couple but from what Jen told me, he got really intimidated by her. I would look over and I thought everything was fine, but it wasn’t. He kept on telling her he was nervous because he had never been with such a beautiful woman. Afterwards, the wife and I had a long talk about how to handle those situations and learned a lot from that night. The guy sent us an apology email the next day and we were respectful in our reply email. I don’t think we will ever do anything with them again (even though his wife really wants too) but they are cool people and probably just go out to dinner or lunch with them in the future.

Then we met another couple our age and they were cool as shit. In fact, him and I are fast becoming friends and got a feeling that this will be exactly what we are looking for. We haven’t done anything with that couple but the anticipation is there. Texts between his wife and I are progressing from chit chat to innuendos and flirting. He and I talk about normal guy stuff. My wife and him flirt around a bit. We went out to lunch with them and they were fascinated with how we came into the lifestyle even though they been around a bit. They even got us txting joke photos back and forth. Just a ton of fun. Just to throw this out there, he is white and she is filipino.

We went on another date with a couple that said they were 39 and 34. That could be farther from the truth. More like 59 and 44. The female was cute (chinese/filipino) but he was all old. The funny thing was he was funny and great conversationalist while his wife was playing with her iphone the whole time. As the dinner was winding up, no joke she says “Do you guys live close?” we say yes. She says “Do you have kids?” we say yes. She says “Are they home?” we say yes and she goes back to playing on her iphone. The wife and I both looked at each other and thought she is the pushing him into it. hahaha.

We had our poly meeting and I made that dude apologize to my wife and I in front of everybody. Shows him right for trying to pulll that crap on me last time. The people that run it were like “What the hell happened while we were gone?” I demasculated him pretty bad after my wife was told him that I had anger issues and had been working on them and that she doesn’t want me to go back to that state again HAHHA.

Then finally, we went to Kauai over the weekend and hooked up with the couple we met on AFF. We hung out with them all day and then got busy at night. Just a really crazy night and lasted till early morning. For the first 45 minutes, he was getting stage fright like that first couple we were with and my wife was ready to tap me in, but then he found his rhythm and next few hours went great! This is definitely a couple we will be great friends with and looking forward to having them come over to Oahu. The wife and I both have been acting like teenagers all day; feeling the residal effects. Oh and my wife got the other woman to try out some girl on girl action for the first time. I thought her husband’s eyes were gonna bust right out of his skull. I literally gave him a thumbs up! LOL!

So this week, is my wife’s week. When we went to that swingers party, we ran into a couple and we are going out with them on Tuesday. Both of us are totally hot for that couple. Now these guys are total swingers. Don’t want to have conversation or whatnot, and normally we don’t like this kinda thing, but my wife has the total hots for the dude and I think his ol lady is pretty fine, so we are gonna try it out. He and her already told us they are good to go and whenever we want, we can hook up. I was like damn!

After Tuesday, we are gonna lay low for a few weeks since I got a conference to go too. When I get back, we pick it back up.

4483

I think Supersport deserves his own thread. I won’t dare to offer a suggestion on what the title of it should be. :o

I continue to crank through the messages, with the usual hit/miss ratio. I am beginning to exhaust potential matches on one site but PoF still has a bunch I can go through. Plus I can look forward to whatever idiotic interface ‘feature’ they implement next!

I had another guy on PoF message me. We got chatting a bit and at one point it seemed he was telling me he had a problem with ED. I’m thinking, dude, I can’t help you with that, I’m not a doctor. Turns out he was just horny and not expressing himself well. Then he excused himself to go to the fruit market, which may or may not have been a euphemism.

I’m hoping to get some more profile pics this week. I will be sure to link the better ones here so they may be 'shopped to the delight of all. And no yellow shirt this time.

4484

Different strokes and all, but I find the concept of someone who is happily married and in love with his or her partner wanting to start dating strangers all over again to be just the height of idiocy. Look at all 150 pages of this thread and you’ll see an incontrovertible pattern: dating sucks. The strongest argument for a lifelong monogamous relationship is that you never have to go through the bullshit dating cycle again. Add polyamory to the mix though and all of a sudden, you’re dating in one of the creepier fringes of human sexuality, full of swollen-cod grampas who want to cream pie your wife and withered Filipinos ass-players with peanut butter caked beneath their fingernails. No thanks.

4485

Really? How much farther?

Look, I don’t know your world, but if some weird chick is asking those questions about my kids while constantly fucking with her handheld computer…I start to see red flags. At this point I start to think I’m in a Mamet film and I bail.

We had our poly meeting and I made that dude apologize to my wife and I in front of everybody. Shows him right for trying to pulll that crap on me last time. The people that run it were like “What the hell happened while we were gone?” I demasculated him pretty bad after my wife was told him that I had anger issues and had been working on them and that she doesn’t want me to go back to that state again HAHHA.

I have read this several times. And all I have to say about it is this:

Dinosaurs our hot now of days.

-xtien

4486

What the wife and I figured was that she was asking us if we could host right then and there. When we couldn’t, she lost interest.

As for Dr. C, seriously you got to go to AFF and check it out. Granted 80% are going to be exactly what you are talking about, but the other 20% are just normal, good looking folks. You just have to weed them out prior to actually doing the date.

4487

Oh, “host”, is it? Nudge-nudge, wink-wink.

4488

yeah it is one of the terminologies we have been learning. She wanted to come to our house for some extra-cirricular activities.

Dr. C, I totally understand that this is very foreign to you when I describe this lifestyle, but it works for us. I don’t mind posting about it here cause it is kinda theraputic for me to do so. I make one big post every few weeks so I don’t hog the thread. I am trying to be very courteous and really get the true essence of our experience portrayed.

We have met some really cool, open-minded, and generous people during this. You mention that people hate dating, but I can honestly say that my wife and I love dating. We love the possibility of meeting somebody who totally clicks with us, the feelings of anticipation when we do meet those folks, the entire newness of it and the feelings it gives us afterwards that linger for days. So even though you think most people despise dating, we throughly enjoy it even if sometimes it doesn’t go as expected.

This will be the last time I defend what we do. From now on, I will just ignore those that attack.

4489

Don’t let the haters bother you supersport, I’m fascinated by the peek into the world of swingers and polyamory. Please do update in the future as I’m genuinely curious how this all turns out.

4490

Dating is honestly as frustrating as you let it be. If you go into it with a healthy attitude you’re going to have fun. I don’t think most people here would consider it unpleasant - I certainly don’t get the impression that Ned does, for instance.

On my front - I’m in one of those “when it rains it pours” phases, this time on pof.com. I hate the site, but honestly I’m getting a much better response rate there than I ever did on OK Cupid. I’ve got three girls I’m messaging with, two are definitely date material. The only drawback is that one of them lives in Tacoma - which is about 50 miles south of where I’m at. I just realized this today. :(

4491

I agree with you on Ned’s posts. I have always been curious how that dynamic is when it is same sex dating. In traditional dating, the guy is usually the instigator (not all the time; but mostly) and in same-sex dating, I guess it is more on attitude? What happens when you both are not instigators?

4492

When even “your place or mine” apparently takes too long to say… just wow.

Also, since you apparently haven’t picked up on it yet, a lot of the ribbing you’re getting in this thread for our pleasure is due to your semi-literate posting style. If you have a browser that supports spellcheck, strongly consider turning it on. And if you don’t, well, that’s funny too.

4493

It’s shorthand, and it’s useful for putting in things like anonymous ads online, so it becomes part of the jargon for the particular subculture in question. I secretly sort of believe that polyamory probably doesn’t work very well, and certainly doesn’t work for me, but I’m all for brevity. I’m actually more shocked that anybody wouldn’t recognize that terminology? You guys are doing a terrible job of being creepy internet pervs.

4494

Really, Zylon, I find nothing particularly objectionable about Supersport’s writing.

4495

I think your suspicions are well founded Brian. The more we talk with the poly folks, the more the wife and I feel that we are not fully poly like we are not fully swingers either. I think we are somewhere in the middle.

Swingers are for the most part, unemotionally attached. Poly folks seem to get really attached emotionally which has its own set of problems. The wife and I so far seem to like the connection/friendship we have with other couples (poly) but we don’t get emotional when it comes to the sex part (swingers). It is hard to explain but that is the closest I can come to an explanation.

We have been defining boundries though. I can’t go on dates with women by myself now. She can’t go on dates with guys by herself. If we get intimate with a couple, we make sure the other guy is good to go (erection) before I start messing around with the other woman. If one of us doesn’t like one of the other couples, we don’t do anything with them.

This effects me moreso than my wife since most of the women here in Hawaii are thin/petite Asians; The guys tend to be on the short side which my wife doesn’t care for.

4496

Neither do I.

4497

I don’t dislike the actual dating part. It’s always at least interesting to meet new people (with one exception where the guy was a complete bore. I think he probably goes to sleep at night by engaging in a monologue with himself) but the groundwork leading up to a date can feel like a chore at times, which is why I usually suggest meeting in-person ASAP.

After a year or so of doing this (and noting that I can only speak for my own experiences), I’m secure in saying that when it comes to same-sex dating most guys are not instigators. They passively wait for someone to message them. If both people are not instigators, what happens is you never go out.

I am not normally an aggressive person, but I’ve learned to take charge when it comes to online dating and deal with the inevitable rejection when someone says he is not interested. It’s helped me overcome a lot of the initial shyness I would otherwise feel.

I’ve been keeping track of the guys I’ve contacted or been contacted by since this past winter, mostly so I don’t inadvertently message someone again who already said no some months earlier. On a gay-specific site I have 79 names, 5 of whom contacted me first. That’s about a 6.3% contact rate coming from the other guys over a period of around six months. If I wasn’t the instigator (or in nerdspeak, the one to make ‘first contact’) the level of activity on these sites for me would be somnolent at best.

4498

Sounds to me like the two of you are looking for several couples to simply be “friends with benefits”. Considering how common that seems to have become among single people in the last decade or more, it’s not a surprise that it would carry over into the poly/swing scenes.

I also suspect that your location has a lot to do with your success in the lifestyle scene as well. It seems like a lot of the people I’ve met who were swingers or poly were also fairly well educated and tended to be economically well off. Hawaii by nature attracts plenty of educated folks with money who might also tend to be a little more socially liberal. I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on the subject.

4499

That is exactly opposite of what I assumed. I figured same sex guy dating would be two initiators (instigators) and there would be butting of heads while same sex females would be two non-initiator types. That is what I get for using gender stereotypes. :)

4500

We have met all types actually.

The Kauai couple: He builds custom kayaks and other watercraft; She works for the state as a parole officer.

The older couple: He retired early from a shipping executive position. She is a high school teacher.

The couple we had lunch with. He is a neurologist. She is a nurse.

The couple we are going to dinner with on Wednesday. He is a meteorologist researcher studying volcanic effects on weather while she is a Japanese translator.

So I guess you could say the ones we tend to be attracted too are educated or skilled. They definitely have to be able to carry on a conversation.

I don’t know what other places are like since we only started doing this while we have been here. I bet major metro areas though are better than here due to the larger population.

We been told that “Friends with benefits” before. I tend to agree with you.

The interesting part of all this is when we introduce our third to some of these couples. She has been in New York since May but we been keeping her updated on what is going on. She seems into it and wants to experiment this with us. That sounds totally confusing. hmmm.