That Internet dating thing

Siren · 2010-07-28T16:38:03.000Z

Thirty-four, actually.

kerzain · 2010-07-28T16:38:29.000Z

In guy years that’s about the same thing.

jerri_blank · 2010-07-28T16:55:44.000Z

So he’ll have sex with you but won’t hold you when you cry. What an asshole.

Creole_Ned · 2010-07-28T17:01:17.000Z

Agreed on Siren’s guy. Pretty much a jerk.

The guy from PoF (the one I met a week or so ago) has suggested getting together Friday evening and I have agreed. Didn’t someone in this thread mention something about a ‘rule of three’ or somesuch where if there’s no physical interaction at all after three dates (touching, hugging, etc.) you’re just friends? This will be date #2. What will or won’t happen? Suspense!

Supersport · 2010-07-28T18:02:46.000Z

Siren:

No, he had issues with the fact that I completely fell apart sobbing when I found out that a friend of mine had committed suicide, that I needed someone to just hold me for a few minutes, and that I asked him to do so. Apparently, showing any sort of emotion was “moving too fast” for him. Please note, I was not asking him to talk about it with me, I just needed someone to be there and hold me for about 5 minutes. We’d been dating semi-seriously for about three months at that point, and I thought this was a reasonable request.

We didn’t speak for about a month afterward. I reached out once, and when I received no response, I chose to not make any more effort.

WOW. So sorry to hear that. :(

Yeah. I wouldn’t pursue that person anymore. I can honestly say I have never acted like that even with people I dislike. That is cold.

Mark_Asher · 2010-07-28T20:02:44.000Z

Siren:

He’s still interested in (having sex with) me, just not interested in a relationship. I’m not interested in being with someone without the option of a relationship further down the road.

And this is often the fundamental difference between men and women. Women usually are looking at a man and thinking “Is there a future with this guy?” and men are usually looking at a woman and thinking, “Will she?”

Neither one is wrong. We’re just different in our priorities.

AaronSofaer · 2010-07-28T20:40:12.000Z

Why can’t a man be thinking both? :P

robsam · 2010-07-28T21:11:20.000Z

Pretty sure most people on QT3, man or woman, would have been happy to hold you during that moment. I lost my best friend to suicide when I was 18, and my then girlfriend of 3 months, who is now my wife, held me for hours while I sobbed. That “person” is not worth your attention in any way.

Omniscia · 2010-07-28T21:23:28.000Z

Yeah, that guy sounds like a selfish bastard. You’re better off without him, if all he’s in it for is the horizontal mambo. He can get that from anyone. Why waste your time if he’s not going to appreciate the rest of you?

Editer · 2010-07-28T22:54:41.000Z

Mark Asher:

And this is often the fundamental difference between men and women. Women usually are looking at a man and thinking “Is there a future with this guy?” and men are usually looking at a woman and thinking, “Will she?”

Neither one is wrong. We’re just different in our priorities.

Sexist pig!

I’ve known plenty of guys over the years who are more into the relationship thing than the immediate gratification thing.

(Including myself in college. Dumbass.)

Siren, better you found out what kind of guy he was now than later. What an ass.

jeffd · 2010-07-28T23:42:39.000Z

Tacoma Girl had stopped messaging me a couple of weeks ago. I figured bullet dodged - I’m not really interested in dating someone who lives an hour away.

Amusingly, she messaged me again today saying she didn’t know if it was her turn to reply, or mine. how the hell does that even happen?

Shadarr · 2010-07-29T01:38:17.000Z

AaronSofaer:

Why can’t a man be thinking both? :P

It’s kind of a moot point, because if she won’t there’s no future with her.

GloriousMess · 2010-07-29T03:35:05.000Z

Your posts are fascinating, Supersport, thanks for writing them. One thing raises an eyebrow though:

As for testing, we don’t do that.

As in, you don’t get tested or you don’t insist on other couples getting tested? To me that seems dangerous, especially in the swinging scene where you have a much larger pool of potential STD/STI sources.

Supersport · 2010-07-29T09:18:18.000Z

GloriousMess:

Your posts are fascinating, Supersport, thanks for writing them. One thing raises an eyebrow though:

As in, you don’t get tested or you don’t insist on other couples getting tested? To me that seems dangerous, especially in the swinging scene where you have a much larger pool of potential STD/STI sources.

No No.

The wife and I get tested because we view it as a responsibility thing, but we are not asking other couples to do that prior to hooking up. We do ask the question though but don’t see paperwork or anything. Yeah there is some risk in that, but we minimize it to some degree by screening the people prior and wife and I insist on condoms.

Jason_McCullough · 2010-07-29T09:35:45.000Z

jeffd:

Amusingly, she messaged me again today saying she didn’t know if it was her turn to reply, or mine. how the hell does that even happen?

MAGNETZ

Kael · 2010-07-29T11:25:40.000Z

Siren:

He’s still interested in (having sex with) me, just not interested in a relationship. I’m not interested in being with someone without the option of a relationship further down the road.

Sounds like hard core self-involvement on his side. He isn’t interested in you as a person in the least (though he may put on a good show of it). You are better off without him.

AaronSofaer · 2010-07-29T11:32:15.000Z

grumbles

It’s such a pity. C. and I are getting along very well, but she leaves for North Carolina to go back to school when her internship ends in a week and a half.

It looks like I might actually, for the first time in, oh, years have neither attachment nor dates for a few weeks. Lord help me.

Then again, once everyone gets back to school and life settles down, A. and I are probably going to start seeing if our schedules allow us to see each other at least once in a while… she goes to AU in D.C. and I’m in Baltimore, so it’s not that hard, just a matter of taking the MARC and the metro.

And in the meantime, I continue to trawl OkCupid. I’ve been having very, very little luck in finding anyone who’s actually compatible of late, but since C. and I have been keeping each other busy at least a couple times a week, I’m not all that concerned.

(Damnit, now I feel like ElGuapo. And I don’t even have a hottub! Though that would be all kinds of awesome…)

Siren · 2010-07-29T11:37:34.000Z

Thanks for the support, everyone. That was just the beginning of this awful two months that I’ve had. Nearly three, now. May was the worst, but things are getting a bit better.

Current guy has been amazing through it all; incredibly encouraging and supportive during this time of emotional, mental, physical, and financial crisis, without acting like he’s rescuing a princess.

Robert_Sharp · 2010-07-29T11:44:58.000Z

I hope things are getting better, Siren. You should have let us know. I mean, internet sympathy isn’t going to give you all you need, but you’ve done right by a lot of us here, who are willing to return the favor when possible. And I put myself high on that list, thanks to some SS goodness.

(Yeah, Siren and I were once Nazis together)

Siren · 2010-07-29T11:50:17.000Z

Thanks, Robert. The sheer volume of shit that I’ve dealt with lately is almost overwhelming, and, to be honest, I’ve been so busy just trying to keep my head above water that I’ve not had much time to share it all, even with family.