That Internet dating thing

WarrenM · 2010-08-12T11:42:51.000Z

Robert Sharp:

Supersport’s adventures are very interesting. I could never get my wife into that sort of thing, though she’s given me full permission to do what I want sexually. I’ve never taken her up on it though, as it doesn’t seem fair if we aren’t both doing it. Anyway, keep those updates coming, Supersport. Fascinating stuff.

That interests me. Forgive me if there’s some back story here that I’m not recalling (wherein your wife is sick or something), but how did that come about? My wife is fine with me looking all I want but I’d never get permission to touch. :)

Blackadar · 2010-08-12T11:47:26.000Z

Robert Sharp:

I could never get my wife into that sort of thing, though she’s given me full permission to do what I want sexually. I’ve never taken her up on it though, as it doesn’t seem fair if we aren’t both doing it.

I don’t have to worry about that. My wife is awesome in bed.

At least that’s what she tells me when I’m allowed to come home after her boyfriend leaves.

Tortilla · 2010-08-12T11:53:06.000Z

WarrenM:

That interests me. Forgive me if there’s some back story here that I’m not recalling (wherein your wife is sick or something), but how did that come about? My wife is fine with me looking all I want but I’d never get permission to touch. :)

My wife has extended me the same permission, but I take advantage of it the same way Robert does. I think it’s an insecurity based thing, where some women are afraid of being too controlling/possessive as spouses. In the case of my wife, the fear becomes totally understandable the second one meets her mother ;-)

WarrenM · 2010-08-12T12:07:58.000Z

Kraaze:

My wife has extended me the same permission, but I take advantage of it the same way Robert does. I think it’s an insecurity based thing, where some women are afraid of being too controlling/possessive as spouses. In the case of my wife, the fear becomes totally understandable the second one meets her mother ;-)

Heh, wow, I can’t even imagine my wife saying that to me. “No, it’s cool, go have sex with whoever you want”. Uhh … Thanks? :)

Although, to be honest, I don’t think I’d even take her up on it if she did seeing as one of the benefits of getting married was I could stop dating and trying to meet people. Heh. Maintaining a home life AND trying to meet girls for hook ups? Don’t think I’d even have the time!

Robert_Sharp · 2010-08-12T12:08:07.000Z

She’s not being insecure in my case. She just really isn’t the jealous type. We talk about people that we find attractive all the time. Well, not all the time. It’s not an obsession. I just mean there is no fear in saying such things.

Anyway, long story short, my wife realizes that I would prefer to have sex more often than she would, so she is fine with me being with someone else. She would not want me to have a relationship with that person, as that would be different. But if it is just sex, and I am safe about it, she wouldn’t care. Interestingly, just having that offer on the table makes the whole thing less tempting and makes me feel more secure in our relationship.

But it specifically came up when watching the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode. Our 10th was coming up, and I turned and said, “Would you let me do that?” She said, “Yeah, if that’s what you wanted to do.” So then we talked about it, and I realized that it wouldn’t even have to be a special anniversary thing. I guess there comes a time in some relationships where you aren’t easily threatened anymore. We’re best friends and realize that if our relationship were to end it wouldn’t be because of something silly like that.

Supersport · 2010-08-12T12:17:32.000Z

Robert Sharp:

She’s not being insecure in my case. She just really isn’t the jealous type. We talk about people that we find attractive all the time. Well, not all the time. It’s not an obsession. I just mean there is no fear in saying such things.

Anyway, long story short, my wife realizes that I would prefer to have sex more often than she would, so she is fine with me being with someone else. She would not want me to have a relationship with that person, as that would be different. But if it is just sex, and I am safe about it, she wouldn’t care. Interestingly, just having that offer on the table makes the whole thing less tempting and makes me feel more secure in our relationship.

But it specifically came up when watching the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode. Our 10th was coming up, and I turned and said, “Would you let me do that?” She said, “Yeah, if that’s what you wanted to do.” So then we talked about it, and I realized that it wouldn’t even have to be a special anniversary thing. I guess there comes a time in some relationships where you aren’t easily threatened anymore. We’re best friends and realize that if our relationship were to end it wouldn’t be because of something silly like that.

My recommendation would be to take it slow. Let things happen naturally or maybe have her pick somebody out for you? That way she is participating in the event and it becomes a thing you do as a couple. Keep in mind that doesn’t mean that she will be into any bi stuff or whatnot, but maybe just watching or maybe just knowing that she is the gatekeeper. Either way, open and honest communication about it is best and really look at boundries (what is acceptable and what isn’t).

Shadarr · 2010-08-12T13:05:41.000Z

WarrenM:

Although, to be honest, I don’t think I’d even take her up on it if she did seeing as one of the benefits of getting married was I could stop dating and trying to meet people. Heh. Maintaining a home life AND trying to meet girls for hook ups? Don’t think I’d even have the time!

Yeah, I sucked it up and put myself through the online dating experience as a means to an end. No way would I do that when I’m not single. That’d be like finishing a marathon and finding out you have to walk back.

Tortilla · 2010-08-12T13:09:36.000Z

Haha, yep. I honestly suspect I could start getting a little on the side and my wife wouldn’t mind at all, but there’s no way I want to go through all the hassle of finding someone to get some on the side with. Especially since I’m sure overweight guys in their thirties with wedding rings on their fingers are not exactly what a lot of ladies are looking for ;-)

Mordrak · 2010-08-12T13:30:50.000Z

Another thing to keep in mind, and these are people you know very well… so who am I to say, but after it happens once they may change their minds. It’s one thing to talk about something theoretically and say, “Yeah, I’m cool with that” and then another when faced with it happening or having actually happened.

Matt_Perkins · 2010-08-12T13:38:21.000Z

Mordrak:

Another thing to keep in mind, and these are people you know very well… so who am I to say, but after it happens once they may change their minds. It’s one thing to talk about something theoretically and say, “Yeah, I’m cool with that” and then another when faced with it happening or having actually happened.

Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.

Tread lightly my friends…

Mightynute · 2010-08-12T13:47:17.000Z

*IMG=itsatrap!.gif

ElGuapo · 2010-08-12T13:50:37.000Z

That Internet dating thing.*

Now with 33% more married daters!

Truly, the Internet has changed the course of dating, sex and relationships forever!

AaronSofaer · 2010-08-12T13:56:22.000Z

Supersport:

Maybe. It seems to me that there are a lot of single guys meeting people on there. One thing we have heard in common throughout when it comes to single guys is that having a profile that is laid back, respectful, outgoing, but showing that you are somewhat adventurous will get you lots of responses.

On recollection, you’re right. I was thinking of Fling.com, a site which a friend of mine got burned by (they’re a straight-up scam; the majority of profiles on the site are bots being run by the site, or otherwise scammers / cam girls / spam bots).

Robert_Sharp · 2010-08-12T14:22:33.000Z

Mordrak:

Another thing to keep in mind, and these are people you know very well… so who am I to say, but after it happens once they may change their minds. It’s one thing to talk about something theoretically and say, “Yeah, I’m cool with that” and then another when faced with it happening or having actually happened.

I agree. However, I’ve been with my wife for 15 years now. I have a pretty good idea of when she is doing that and when she isn’t. She isn’t in this case. But like Kraaze, even the idea of going through all that effort isn’t very appealing. Maybe if something just fell in my lap, so to speak…

Mightynute · 2010-08-12T14:24:57.000Z

Robert Sharp:

Maybe if something just fell in my lap, so to speak…

Sam: About a week ago I accidentally slept with a prostitute.
Toby: Really?
Sam: Yes.
Toby: You accidentally slept with a prostitute.
Sam: Call girl.
Toby: Accidentally.
Sam: Yes.
Toby: I don't understand. Did you trip over something?

Supersport · 2010-08-12T15:36:32.000Z

Robert Sharp:

I agree. However, I’ve been with my wife for 15 years now. I have a pretty good idea of when she is doing that and when she isn’t. She isn’t in this case. But like Kraaze, even the idea of going through all that effort isn’t very appealing. Maybe if something just fell in my lap, so to speak…

But that is what I am saying, have your wife set it up for you. Maybe for a special occasion like a birthday or something. Be involved to some degree so you both are participating but let her take the lead.

DoomMunky · 2010-08-12T15:42:42.000Z

Darnit, it’s not internet related, but it’s about dating. I have a crush on a coworker I’m in a play with. She’s nice and funny and goofy and just really cool, and I dig her. A lot. But I’m in this play with her for another month, and if I ask her out now and things go south, we’re stuck. Classic co-worker situation, I guess.

It’s not really a problem to wait to ask her out, but anybody got any thoughts on how to bide one’s time while seeing the object of one’s affection every single evening?

(It’s sorta rad, actually. We get to hang out and laugh all evening together, and then any time we get bored or don’t know what to say next, we just get back to work. Preparing for being onstage and whatnot. So it’s nice to hang out with an awesome, pretty girl, even though we’re not really building anything other than comfort. There’s not the understanding that we’re on a date, for example. So I’m not sure if she thinks I’m teh sexay, but it sure is fun to chat and laugh.)

AaronSofaer · 2010-08-12T16:23:20.000Z

It sounds like you’re asking advice for how to stand the company of a female of superior quality.

My suggestion is to adopt the shocking and inconceivable-to-many plan of enjoying your time with her, even if you don’t get any nookie from it.

:P

DoomMunky · 2010-08-12T16:30:48.000Z

Hmm. Sounds risky, but I’ll give it a shot.

Life is tough. :)

Demon_G_Sides · 2010-08-12T16:38:41.000Z

Or just sleep with her.

One or the other!