salwon
4962
You know exactly where, don’t deny it.
A singer in a smok-ay room…
No, trust me, he doesn’t. When it comes to pop culture, Bowyer’s about as aware as Stevie Wonder in a tittie bar. “What’s going on? Everyone seems excited about something. Can I get another Dr Pepper?”
balut
4964
Livin’ in a lonely world…
Here are my thoughts. To me, sex is absolutely as intimate as you can be with another person. Do you not think it would make you upset to see your wife being that intimate with another man? Try to visualize it for a second. I’m not trying to be a dick here, just making a point. The thought of your wife kissing, caressing, having another man inside her, etc. That wouldn’t bother you?
Personally, I don’t think a relationship is ever made better by introducing third parties into it. I fully realize that this is strictly my viewpoint, but I’m a big believer in the sanctity of marriage! I think your spouse should know you in a way nobody else does. If either (or both) of you is having that intimacy elsewhere, where is the real intimacy between you? Granted, this does go with my beliefs as a Christian so I have to say that in full disclosure. I also know that I am not in any position to tell another person how to live thier life. But I think a husband and wife’s bodies belong to each other and each other alone. The husband should not deny his body to his wife and vice versa.
Please forgive me if I came across as judgemental or being a prick. That is certainly not my intent here, just to give my limited perspective.
Maybe you should do something about that.
Awesome deal, Doomsie. We should all enjoy such neat moments.
I, for one, am not ashamed to admit that I sang along with every song when Journey came through town a few years back, with Peter Frampton in tow. And I was better than Steve Augeri.
God, though, that show was cougar central.
Yes, divorced, you do in fact come across as a judgmental prick.
I don’t know that I agree with every single thing he said, but I disagree that he came across as judgmental or a prick. He expressed his opinion rather reasonably.
He’s restating arguments that have already been dealt with, doing them in an offensive manner (e.g., simply asserting that his position is the correct one, despite the discussion having already been had about them). No, the people in this thread who are polyamorous aren’t bothered by their spouses kissing someone else. Duh.
Just saying that you’re saying something without intending to be a dick doesn’t automatically make you not a dick. And if he wants to not come across as judgmental, maybe he should start by not judging other peoples’ relationships (as I believe his holy texts command).
Or maybe I’ve just become jerri’s counterpart in this context, bearing my grand cross of humorlessness? I dunno.
I thought the same thing Aaron did, because I remember the first post from him having a similar tone to it.
That said, the second post is more neutral. I think this topic is a fascinating one, because it’s not something I could ever do and I’m always amazed that people do and succeed at it – supersport even points out a couple that fell apart over it during his recaps – so when people can make it work, I’m always curious as to how.
JM1
4973
divorced comes across as someone struggling to understand a point of view that is completely alien to him and how his emotions work.
Which is fine, because that’s the case. And his is probably the majority view. I don’t read it as being insulting.
Ah. Would he have come across better without mentioning he is a Christian?
I always wince when someone brings their religion into an argument, but in this case I don’t think he was doing it to give himself the imprimatur of infallibility.
Enidigm
4975
I don’t understand it because i don’t understand the need for it. Sex just isn’t such an important thing to me that i feel the need to stray outside of my current relationship, or that i can’t be fulfilled by one person. I find it stranger that it becomes such an important obsession to others that their whole social life starts to revolve around it, more than the actual acts itself.
If you encounter someone randomly, without seeking for it, and find a mutual attraction, and then look for acceptance and consent from your current partner… i can grok that, even if it’s not my cup of tea. Looking for random partners, going to swingers parties, ect., is completely out of my ken. Frankly i’d rather be doing something else with my spare time than looking for another interesting stranger to sex up. I enjoy sex, but i don’t want it to be the most important thing in my life or in my mind.
If you want me to go judgmental for kicks, it seems to reflect a kind of boredom, looking for something interesting to do.
You don’t have to be religious to feel a real twinge of pain and fear when imagining being in an open relationship in any of its many forms. There’s nothing wrong with communicating that twinge.
Attributing the twinge to a violation of sanctity, rather than to a purely personal feeling, may feel a bit aggressive. But I don’t think divorced was doing more than noting his religious feelings as a sort of full disclosure.
Sometimes you say strange things. This is one of those times. It’s quite possible to have an interest in something without it becoming the most important thing in your life. You enjoy gaming right? Would you put it before all other things? Do you scour video game stores instead of going to work? Do you neglect friends and family to get one more level? Your points here are a form of strawman argument.
Also, since when is looking for something interesting to do a bad thing?
Oh, and divorced, your post didn’t strike me as offensive at all. I appreciate the perspective. I wish you had read my earlier post that addressed your first questions. Of course, the idea of my wife being with someone else doesn’t bother me. If it did, I would be opposed to it. That should be kind of obvious. I have to admit that when I was younger that sort of thing really bothered me. Even thinking about how my wife had been with other men before me bothered me. I’m not sure why I’ve changed my views on this. And I’m not talking about a full swinging lifestyle. I have neither time nor inclination for such things. Mark asked me if I would be willing to allow my wife to do the same thing she would allow me to do, and I said yes. I know what that would mean. It WOULD bother me if it were a relationship, but that’s different.
I also disagree with the claim that sex is the most intimate thing two people can share. In fact, that’s likely where the disconnect between Supersport/me and many of you comes into play. It’s certainly an intimate act, and sex between two people in love is VERY intimate. Sex itself though is not the same thing. And I think there are many other aspects of a relationship that are just as important/intimate as sex.
FWIW (nothing?) I’ve never seen swinging described as a pastime, hobby, or interest, but always as a lifestyle.
One other thing: I think it’s precisely BECAUSE sex isn’t the most important part of a relationship to me that I have come to have this perspective. So contra-Endigm, it isn’t an obsession with sex that leads to this way of thinking (at least in my case). Instead, I perceive the act as something two people can enjoy together. It’s fun; it’s pleasant. But our society has made it into more than it really is, IMO.
Adam, I’m not sure what you are suggesting with that comment, but I guess I would agree. The term ‘swinging’ connotes a lifestyle, which is why I’m not really talking about swinging per se.
I’m only saying that when it comes to the scant public discourse about openly having sex outside your relationship, the conversation seems to be dominated by people who have reoriented their priorities around their sex lives.
