5301

Well, don’t get your hopes up until you actually set a date. I’ve had a fair few “Oh sure, we’ll go out again”, or “It’d be nice to see you again” that never happened, because I think they just didn’t want to be honest and say “Yeah, I’m not interested.”

Hopefully that’s not the case, but I’m not one to offer false hope apparently, and am also a bitter, cynical man depending on who you ask (me).

5302

Yeah, I have had people enthusiastically agree to a second date that never happened.

One of them later became a good friend, so it’s not always a bust but be wary (if optimistic!)

5303

The way I see it, if she wavers on it or isn’t really responsive to it, she’s probably not that interested. I think most people know by the end of the first date (especially most women) if they’re interested. Not always, but even not being sure seems to say as much as being uninterested in my experience.

5304

Coffee shops aren’t always a good place to meet. For one thing, they tend to have lots of windows so you’re highly visible from the street. Nothing interrupts a date quite like a creditor, cop, jealous husband, or Vatican assassin spotting you at random. By the same token, although coffee shops tend to have multiple exits, none of them are going to be much use to you since your pursuers will be able to see where you’re going, and coffee shop furniture does NOT provide good cover (believe me). And it’s hard to eat biscotti and shit like that without getting crumbs over everything. And the staff will be either total morons or hipster dickheads, and you can’t slap them around the way you usually would (chicks frown on that kind of thing).

Far better to pick one of your own gang’s restaurants. The metal detectors at the door will pick up if she’s wearing a wire or a remote bomb, and you know you’ll get good service. You already know the layout, and she probably doesn’t. And if you get something stuck in your teeth the waiter will signal you.

5305

Are you sure it wasn’t the irrational jealousy you talked about earlier in the thread? I’m not trying to kick you when you’re down, but a 49 year old woman “bolting” because she was “scared” that you do contract work seems like a very small fraction of the story, and if this did in fact turn out to be about trust issues you may have had, it will be helpful to recognize those going into the next relationship.

Also, don’t give her the iPhone.

5306

Damn, I forgot about that crazy story. Perhaps because it was 2,500 post ago. Damn this is a big thread.

5307

This thread has its own continuity cop! Awesome!

5308

DrCrypt has it bookmarked for use on special occasions such as this.

— Alan

5309

I had a few of those and they’re always confusing as hell.

“I’d really like to see you again.”
“Yeah, that sounds great! I’d like that.”

Then you never get a response ever again…

5310

Just a random addition to the “Boy, that was confusing…” line of thinking. I was at a concert once and had a girl come up to me, we hung out for the evening listening to the band, then she gave me her number. I didn’t ask for it (and maybe that’s the answer right there), but I did call, but never heard from her. Was really odd. Anyway, that’s all I can contribute since I’m actually dating someone at the moment. I will live vicariously through you fine people.

5311

maybe you just have to be patient.

six months after a first date which i thought went swimmingly, i have a second date this weekend. there are a few possible explanations i could offer as to why it took 6 months but i can’t be bothered to go into them. no-one was in jail though.

also i got an e-mail shortly after we arranged to meet up this time that said “also, you can stay over if you like”. so yes. maybe you just have to be really, really, really patient.

5312

Or maybe that person really, really, really needs a kidney! Watch your drinks carefully.

5313

Six months? Man, I’d never be able to agree to that. I’d read it too much as “I ran out of options, so here I am.”

I had one recently where the first date ended up cancelled via car crash (super minor, nobody hurt, but the first wreck is always traumatic), a mere block from the site. I bought her a drink, brought it to her, waited for the cops with her, etc.

She really seemed to want to try again, and said so even. But when the subject came up of when/where in later conversations, she magically stopped responding. I took the hint, and was able to write her off as “If she doesn’t have the decency to say she’s changed her mind, I don’t need anything to do with her.” I’ve had quite a few I’ve had to take that approach with, come to think of it, but it does help.

5314

Nothing wrong with that. Some people need a reality check before they can approach dating with the right mindset.

5315

Or they were still dating someone else, or the divorce proceedings are still going thru, etc. =)

5316

Fair point, Kraaze, I’ve certainly left a few girls behind who needed the reality check.

Josh-In my case it’s usually they were between me and someone else, and chose someone else. I don’t really have a desire to go back to someone after that. The divorce papers are almost never finalized when I’m dating someone to begin with!

5317

I like it better when the divorce papers haven’t even been filed yet. It adds a certain piquancy to the first date.

5318

possibly, but we were in contact pretty regularly for those 6 months, so there is some back story to the whole thing. we’ll see. i am not exactly presented with many opportunities to hang out with awesome single girls (although as fate would dictate, i ended up hanging out with another awesome single girl last weekend. typical.) so yeah…

5319

It has been about a month since I posted, so here is the update…

We have pretty much settled in with the CSM and his wife. Ms. Super and him get along really great (which had created some boundry problems with myself and his wife). His wife really wants the swapping thing to occur as a rarity rather than a common thing which is fine by me.

The other couple, the IT guy and his girlfriend, are another couple we have settled in with. Ms. Super is really not into him but his girlfriend is a total pleaser type like Ms. Super and myself. I click with him because we share a lot of the same interests, but Ms. Super doesn’t so much but we both really click with his girlfriend. Plus she is 25 and asian so totally down with her, so we make exceptions.

Went to a meet and greet hosted by the same group that held the camping trip. This went much better and Ms. Super and I had a great time. Some local comedians were there doing their routines and some of them were really funny. As for the swingers, they broke up into two groups, the 40+ crowd and the 30 under crowd. We were in the middle so really didn’t know who to hang out with. Ms. Super and I were getting some seriously hard stares from the 40+ crowd which was pretty funny.

We have another meet and greet on Friday night with a group that we have met before so we definitely know what we are walking into. That should be fun.

Saturday we are meeting two couples. The first couple we are meeting is just for coffee. They have cancelled on us a few times so not holding my breath; He is a police officer and I don’t know what his wife does.

The other couple later that night have cancelled on us a couple of times. I literally thought they were a single guy pretending to be a couple, but the wife called Ms. Super last night so I guess they are the real deal. They are older (45) but doesn’t hurt to meet people.

Meterologist and his wife are a dead end. Ms. Super has come to not like his reliability, so no play there.

We haven’t been to a poly meeting for awhile since we have both been very busy.

We haven’t seen our third in awhile either since she has been busy with teaching at the middle school.

A couple weeks back we went to a tequila tasting that was being hosted by a woman we met at the poly meetings. Her boyfriend got Ms. Super and I into a fight by egging on Ms. Super to “talk about her feelings” about the meterologist and his wife. Since Ms. Super and I have different perspectives on them, Ms. Super had a few to many tequila shots and got argumentive. I told him to mind his own business, which he did but the damage was done by then. It took us a few days to work that out.

One thing we have found out in the last month is that we can play seperately and not be crazy about it but we have come to the agreement we enjoy it better when we play together so that is a new rule for us which really wasn’t a rule before.

5320

Does that mean something different in swinger lingo? Just askin!