My wife and I are almost a case of opposites attracting (and, as related many, many pages ago, we met on match.com).
At our core, we share a lot of values. However, with day-to-day stuff we’re extremely different. She’s a social worker, working with dying patients and I’m a video game programmer. I come home stressed about deadlines and she’s just had a patient die of cancer. Her talents my own have almost no overlap. Yet, I think these differences are really an important part of how we “work” as a couple.
And I definitely met my wife in an attempt to meet someone different after consciously seeking out different sorts of gals to date on Match. Previously I’d gone through a string of many, very similar women. The two main things tying them together was that they tended to be smart in a somewhat techy field (nerdy but not geeky) and a little bit challenged when it came to relaxing and enjoying life. I was attracted to their accomplishments in a field that I was in and found that I was good at making that type of gal happier by getting them to not worry about things as much.
However none of those relationships worked out (although a few lasted a few years). Ultimately I found that sharing talents was a bit stressful: every time you achieve something, the other person appreciates what it is BUT it’s hard not to feel a bit of competition going both ways or to find their work/life more stressful since it shares so many problems with your own. And, moreover, I found that I was dating these very accomplished women who were, nonetheless, really anxious and had a really hard time just having fun – which made all of my relationships ultimately rather stressful and times bordering on codependency.
I don’t think I realized that, quite, at the time but I did know that I wanted something different. It worked out great. Having such different talents means that we complement each other very well. I have a great respect for what she does although it’s something I could ever do very well and vice versa. Sharing our work drama and such is a lot easier when it’s so different. And, while she’s still prone to a bit of perfectionism, she’s a lot better at just being happy than many of the girls I was with before – which in turn gives me a lot more time and energy to just enjoy life.
Still, there are many ways in which we’re very similar. We’re both from Oregon, we’re both atheists (although she came to that later in life), very liberal, both former athletes, we both love food, wine and travel, etc.
So I guess think that it can be really great to turn your “type” upside down and see what shakes out although ultimately I think you’ve still got to have some strong shared values or things may be too hard.
