Think of it as quicksand, kid: the more you struggle, the more enmired you become. So don’t struggle or stay involved with someone who likes to struggle; just lie back and float.
pg1
5602
Maybe American women whose family have been here a few generations are too much work. I’ve had much more interest from women on trips over seas and with women here who are either immigrants or children of immigrants. They seem much less spoiled for a lack of a better term. I know women still avaliable who expect too much and would rather stay single if they can’t find Mr. Perfect. I know female family members who are like this. I don’t even want to meet boyfriends anymore because none of them are ever good enough in the long run. Conversely the women in my family who have ended up married or in serious long term relationships, with marriage seeming increasingly likely in the future, are almost all together with guys they met in school or work in their late teens or early twenties. Instead of focusing on what the other person has/is they have just grown their relationships over time. After college it does seem like chances go down a lot which has me concerned since I’m almost done!
ZekeDMS
5603
I’m not sure college is any better, really. I’ve not met anyone there, though I’m am adult reentry student. There are a lot of girls from 24 and up though, which is nice. Or would be were I remotely capable of approaching someone anyway, and there was a single other single person on campus. I’ve never heard the words “my boyfriend” more in my life. Or maybe they’re just using it as a preemptive rejection!
Hey Zeke, have you tried this newfangled thing out? I think it’s called online dating. I’ve had quite a lot of success through it! :)
ZekeDMS
5605
I’ve had a lot of “Fuck it, why do I bother if I can’t even get a courtesy “no thanks” or anything past a first date even if I do?” via that internet dating thing, anyway. Success, not so much.
Disillusionment ahoy, today!
Athryn
5606
Looks like that’s only for the SF/Bay area. I’d kill to find something like that for the DC/Nova area!
Four dates in with radio guy now. He wants us to go snowshoeing soon (the first snow recently fell on the coastal mountains). The only snowshoes I’ve encountered are in cartoons about Eskimos.
According to the women I’ve met from OkCupid (of which there are several), my profile is excellent, my pictures are adorable, and my messages are witty and demonstrate that I’ve read their profile and have a genuine interest.
I still had around a 15-20% response rate, and that includes the “No thanks” ones and a couple of trolls.
Message women and move on; don’t dwell on it, don’t dwell on them, and don’t message them again.
Maybe the problem is you. What’s your income? Are you fat/ugly? If you look fine, do you have crappy social skills? Do you have chronic diseases? Do you have kids? ETC
So basically you just want to get married and find someone just tolerable enough to make that happen.
Took this advice and i’ve already hit it off with a new girl. Thanks JMJ!
ZekeDMS
5612
Oh, plenty of times the problem is me, and I’m well aware of that. Other times the problem is them, and I realize that just a little late.
It just doesn’t get any less frustrating when you know a ton of women who swear by how great you are but are married/across the country, especially right after what seemed like a wonderful date. Like I said, a lot of first dates that seem to be going pretty damn well, but end up with a total disappearance of the other party.
I’ll just go with “people don’t make any damn sense.” Oh, and I still have to learn to attract NORMAL women. Or at least not chaos-seekers, because that was my big problem for a long time. Married women disenchanted with their marriages LOVE me, but that doesn’t end up anywhere healthy. Conversely, I tend to be the first nice guy women date after a long history of jackasses, but not knowing how to handle someone paying attention to them and not treating them terribly freaks them out, and they bail.
Okay, so I know why a few of the first dates never go to a second, at least. But I’m still perfectly entitled to my frustration and confusion!
Zeke, how old are you? If you’re young enough to date college/University girls (graduate students, possibly), I’d recommend going for the geeky chicks at your local university. If there are any. I dunno, it’s Arizona…
ZekeDMS
5614
Two months shy of 28, at this point. I’m on the older side of the curve for my school, but there’s a surprising amount in the 24-26 range. But the geeky ones, few as they are being a community college, are quite coupled off already.
Unfortunately, one of the big things about Arizona is everyone gets married right out of high school. Honestly, Phoenix is one of the worst towns out there for dating, and I think that’s the biggest issue. I suspect I’d have a lot more town in a city where the standard wasn’t ignorant ultraconservatism with Jesus and two kids.
Also, I should probably stop dating latent lesbians. Seriously, that happens…a lot. I’m just your stereotypical lonely nerd, I guess. Never had a date in high school, but a lovely “You’re just a friend” letter written out in a full page of my senior yearbook from the girl I asked to prom. Horribly shy, terrible at small talk, don’t know how to approach new people. The last few “relationships” I’ve had were really just me being used for attention, and after the utter humiliation of asking a girl out at work and having her laugh in my face, the prospect of engaging with someone new and taking a chance is…well, horrifying.
Shit, at this rate I’m going to end up with a Rimbotitle. “Senior Prom Reject.” At least I haven’t sunken to the PUA levels, I suppose?
Go hunting Engineering and Computer Science students. grins Geek girls are the best.
Alternatively, move to a city that doesn’t suck, but that requires a lot more effort (and preferably a job before you make the move).
ZekeDMS
5616
Classes I’m already in, Aaron. Art classes, comp sci, psych, and anthropology. A fair few great nerdy girls there, but the complete and total lack of self-confidence plus the ol’ “my boyfriend” issue. And the crippling fear of rejection I suppose.
Moving out of Phoenix has been something I’ve been trying to do for at least five years now. But I got screwed on contract after contract, jobs kept disappearing, and nobody wants to spend the money on an out-of-state hire right now.
I’m accepting of the fact that my next paying job will just be the money for a RealDoll and my resignation from humanity.
shrugs The only way to deal with a lack of self-confidence is exactly that; to just deal with it. Make yourself meet girls. Do you have your own house (or a large apartment)? How about arranging a monthly board/card game night? Pick up a copy of Munchkin and Dominion and you’re set.
OkCupid’s also good for meeting geeky chicks; what’s your profile, if you want some criticism from someone who’s spent way too much time thinking (and writing, since I’m working on a book, one of these millenia) about it?
Do it. Snowshoeing is a very pleasant way to spend the afternoon, since its like hiking, but there’s snow everywhere, and you generally encounter fewer people. It’s not especially taxing.
Like Aaron said, just force yourself to go talk to girls. Take a month and just go out to a bar every Fri, walk up to people who are sitting near the bar and ask them how it’s going, then just try to talk them as if they were friends for as long as you can. PUA stuff aside, it really helps to feel confident and comfortable talking to new people if you aren’t pressuring yourself into trying to get a date every time.
ZekeDMS
5620
See, for me just talking to new people at all is a ridiculous challenge. I am all about the socially awkward. Add in the potential of having INTEREST in someone, and I lock up. I am genuinely incapable of small talk, and unless I manage to hear something specific to talk to someone about, I’m at a loss for words.
