How are you meeting them, Zuwadza?
Martin, I suspect most people would consider a 60-75% response rate pretty good. It’s a lot better than what I saw, certainly.
Zuwadza
5982
Parties and bars! Usually they’re friends of friends or friends of friends of friends, etc.
WarrenM
5983
God, the pain. It burns us.
Interesting perspectives on being ignored, thanks for sharing.
Martin, I’m with Ned on this one. It’s my experience that anything higher than a 20% response rate is rather rare.
In any event, here’s a recent one of my starters to be ripped apart. (I make no claims to quality!):
Hello ______. I enjoyed reading your profile, so I’m writing to say ‘Hey’.
I noticed 30rock listed twice in your favorites. I just recently got into the show via netflix myself. Seems to me like Tina Fey might just be the patron saint of comedy for mid-20s to 30s women. She’s kinda got the market cornered.
Anyways, generally curious how you find your entertainment. You seem to have a good list picked out.
– Paul
Pogo
5985
I don’t like that inquisition. “Generally curious how you find your entertainment”? Imagine a woman coming up to you and asking that question. What would your reaction really be?
Yeah, I definitely agree Pogo. I hate writing these small talk-y intro messages. This one at least resulted in a date (supposedly happening next weekend). But, I’m generally not-so-great at typing out these messages to begin with.
I imagine, the fact that I don’t find much joy in it being a big part of that.
I generally just rip into girls from whatever direction they’ve given me in their profile. If she’s a freelance designer, ask if she gets cold sweats worrying about an Indian taking her job. If she’s a nurse, ask if she feels inferior to the doctors and resents their status. If she’s studying something worthless in grad school, ask how her parents feel about her throwing their money into a black hole. If she works for a big corporation, ask her to rate her corp’s evilness relative to its peers, and her sector as a whole relative to others. If she says she’s into charcuterie, ask her what happened in her childhood to make her get off on suffering. If she’s made a point of showing off her large breasts in her pic, I mention it. Etc.
Do you see where I’m coming from? Obviously I burn a lot of bridges, but at least 1/2 of the responses I get are positive, or at least attentive and conversational.
Interesting. I understand the approach, but that wouldn’t work for me (or, I wouldn’t want it to work rather). Controversy will garner a larger response, but that’s not the type of person I am.
I’m just a mellow dude looking for a mellow lady.
Using a “neg” to get a response isn’t particularly new, but personally, I’m a fan of the kind of strong-willed, trope-aware woman who will ignore anyone who uses that approach.
Kalle
5991
The kind who is your girlfriend with an account on this message board who will end up reading this?
hong
5992
Whoa! Kalle is Aaron’s girlfriend?!
BUSSSSTEDDDDD
The funny thing is, I forgot that she’s been reading/posting on Qt3 when I made the post, but yes. My girlfriend is delightfully trope-aware.
Zuwadza
5994
I know, I know. The outside world is a horrific place. Much more horrific, however, are the women on OkC (at least those that live in St. John’s, Newfoundland).
WarrenM
5995
I found it generally successful (back in my internet dating days which was over 7 years ago) to make sure to mention something specific from her profile in your opening message. If you don’t, your message just looks like a cookie cutter, copy/paste from your greeting.txt file that you probably spammed out to 50 girls hoping for a bite.
It’s impersonal, you know? If you mention or ask about something from their profile, it shows that you’re interested in more than the fact that they’re female and breathing.
Single? :)
I guess it depends if you’re trying to be funny (and it comes off that way) or if you’re being an asshole. I don’t understand the asshole tactic but some guys believe in it so whatever works I guess.
No, I mean clubbing and bars. I’ve never been able to put up with that scene. Every conversation is a shouting match filled with distractions.
There are, IMO, much better places to meet women. Of course, I’ve never been to Newfoundland.
Zuwadza
5996
Enh. I generally don’t participate in or enjoy anything that even looks close to “clubbing.” I do enjoy going to small pubs or house parties with friends though.
Yeah, I’m no fan of clubbing either but I love low-key bars and parties. Around here the bars all close at 1 so there is a lot of hanging out at people’s houses after the bar. That is how I meet pretty much everyone I date. The internet dating thing doesn’t actually work all that well if you don’t live in a city, at least in my experience. The mutant-to-human ratio is a bit too high.
fire
5998
Wow. If someone sent me a message asking me what it’s like to be throwing away my parents’* money** into a black hole*** because I’m in grad school and studying something meaningless****, not only would I not reply, but I’d probably start MartinGuerreSucks.com, find a valid e-mail address, and inject it into every spam link known to man.
Few grad students have enough self-confidence to laugh it off when a stranger insults them several times in one e-mail, even as a joke or conversation starter. Truth be told, many of us struggle with feelings of inadequacy anyway. We don’t need some Internet asshole pointing it out. I’m sure this goes for other professions as well.
-
- Only one parent.
** - I am fully funded by fellowships and research assistantships.
*** - A black hole that gives a doctorate.
**** - Really? Fuck you.
Don’t jump to conclusions, yo. You risk coming off as an insensitive prick.
Ha, ha, ha. Back to the drawing board Martin!
But what if he is an insensitive prick? Isn’t he just practicing truth in advertising?
