Kalle
6381
Don’t provoke Brian Lee Rubin. He might assassinate someone.
I didn’t think optimists stuck out their tongues that much.
A guy I dated three times last year and who I occasionally hang out with (to see movies and whatnot) left me a message at the site we met on, just to see how things were going. No big deal, though it’s a bit odd since we usually chat over IM, albeit only once a week or so. But he addressed the message as ‘hey sexy’ even though he knows I’ve been seeing someone for some months now. Unnerving!
And speaking of the someone I’ve been dating for some months we got together today because it was my day off and he also had the day off due to fire alarm testing in his suite. That wrapped up early and we went on a nice hike, which featured a few interesting moments traversing the hard-packed, icy snow. At an early point we came to the only stairs on the hike, a wooden set leading down and covered with ice. I stabbed at the first step with my walking stick and stepped forward. I immediately slipped, put out my hands, watched the walking stick skitter down the steps and managed to brace myself and avoid silding down after it. I then backed up and, since I was now sans stick, asked my partner to go first. Plus I’d have something to land off if I slipped again. He fell in the exact same manner that I did. A woman coming up behind us opted to forgo walking on the stairs and just slid down on her bum from the get-go.
We finished the hike with no further landing-on-butt incidents.
When we got back to his place he re-iterated how glad he was that I sent that message to him on PoF (how I miss that site in all its 1999 web design glory!), then he casually mentioned how nice it would be to live together. Yikes! I don’t know if I’m ready to make that sort of commitment yet. On the other hand I’m not firmly opposed or anything and he didn’t press the matter. Still, it made think about how we’ve solidly moved beyond the ‘just dating’ phase.
Xerapis
6384
RUN AWAY~
Mostly just kidding ^^
On a more practical note…since he’s testing the waters, you might want to let him know if the water is cold or lukewarm or filled with piranhas. Maybe you already did. If so, then you must be punished for leaving us hanging on your response.
I’m with you bruv. Be friends without the drama.
Also, I doubly agree with you on the swooping bf-be-damned part. A little empathy gents, how would you feel if your girlfriend was separate from you due to circumstances and some twat started zoning in on her? Leave their relationship in peace.
It’s been my experience that if I have a serious crush on someone, hanging around with them as a friend is just going to make it worse. For me, the best medicine was always to stay as far away as possible until I got over it.
YMMV, of course.
Like my girlfriend and I had some serious problems we needed to work on?
I have a problem with people telling you not to pester an attached woman with your presence out of respect for the person that she’s with. That’s bullshit. If she doesn’t want you around, she’ll tell you. If she does want you around but not in the capacity that you want to be, better to have that out early so that nobody gets their expectations twisted. If she wants to screw around on whomever with you, the last thing I think about is whether or not it’ll hurt her current other’s feelings. I might consider whether her current other would flip out and hurt ME, and I would consider the fact that this woman is trying to pick me up without breaking things off with the other one first a significant turn-off, but refusing to engage her because I respect not her and her wishes, but the wishes of whomever she is with so much seems remarkably disrespectful to me.
I wouldn’t do it because what kind of idiot wants to insert himself into that situation? In the best case, you’ve got a fickle and conflicted person who’s clearly not got her life, you know, together at this point. In the worst, you’re going to show up on an episode of Cops.
I would probably say don’t go for it unless you have some sort of indication of her being interested in being anything more then just friends, or you really trust this advice girl’s opinion. Half of the time girls don’t actually have any idea what their friends are thinking and just get excited at the idea of a new relationship and tell you to go for it. Nothing makes hanging out with a circle of friends awkward like a failed/unwelcome romantic attempt on one of the members of the group.
This happened to me a few months ago, the girl’s best friend urged me to go for it, and now I don’t really hang out with them all that much anymore. Would it have been worth it if it had worked out? Maybe. Granted I wasn’t like best friends with them or whatever so it’s not like my world was shattered either.
EDIT: And I have no opinion on what to do in the girl likes you but has a boyfriend scenario. I have had a guy challenge me to a fight and threaten to bring a knife into play once over that, and I have walked away from a girl because I found out she had a boyfriend and she wasn’t thinking clearly at the time. Stuff like this gets more complicated and morally difficult when most of your social interaction takes place with heavy alcohol consumption and some people are skilled at hiding just how drunk they are. No-one wants to wake up the next day and be the asshole that “took advantage” and ruined a relationship.
Well, if the dude was some twat, I’d chuckle and recommend that she hit him with a plank, metaphorically speaking.
Maybe she’s in an open relationship? You never know until you ask.
Say, whatever happened to Supersport?
Agreed. Though in addition to just staying away, I’d toss in the option of actually asking them out or somehow clearly expressing a romantic interest. Either way, playing to not-lose is a waste of time. Play to win or don’t play at all.
VSys114
6392
On the other side of the coin I’m really bad at picking up signals, and I’ve had more than a couple of guy “friends” get really angry with me when I didn’t notice they were hitting on me. I’m straight too. The last “friend” who did this actually tried to fight me over it. I cut off all contact with him after that. My trust level is pretty low right now.
Absolutely fine. If she’s my girlfriend, there’s no problem with fidelity. If there’s a problem, then she’s not my girlfriend. I thought that was an easy one.
Pogo
6394
A “twat” was zoning in on her? Might be time to shoot for that threesome.
Match.com acquired OKCupid. How long before it starts sucking?
Welp, you’re a far better man than me if getting cheated on doesn’t destroy you.
The point is, if the only thing keeping your girlfriend from cheating on you is that nobody’s asked her, well, good luck with that.
OKCupid? Not that I’m aware of.
Xerapis
6400
I quite prefer it to the usual gay “matching” websites.
I do wish they had a nice position stat just for us fags (top, versatile, bottom) just to make it easier to weed out the undesirables, but that’s just a minor quibble overall.
Besides, I’d still end up in the situation where some guy says he’s a bottom and I don’t find out until much later that he doesn’t do anal. Dealbreaker for me. I’m just not all that comfortable having to lead off with the sex-focused questions. On the other hand, already got enough e-friends.
I really like the site. Reading the profiles and the match questions is actually really useful. And it’s not HIDEOUS like POF. And so far, not overloaded with sluts and whores just trying to hookup for random casual sex like manhunt or gay.com.
