I disagree, but perhaps I’ve just had different experiences. I’m squarely in the camp that a any woman who makes herself available is fair game. If she has a relationship elsewhere that she is being unfaithful too then that’s between her and someone else. In the long term if the relationship matured into something serious I’d definitely want an explanation from her as to why it happened. Coupled, hopefully, with an explanation as to why it wouldn’t happen again. In the short term however there’s no reason not to have a few exploratory dates and see if there’s any chemistry.
Trying to figure out if women are “taken” or not before a first date seems to be an old fashioned attempt to classify women more as property or prizes than as people. I’m really uncomfortable with that mindset.
Eilonwy
6442
I would sure as hell want to know if the guy I was having a first date with had a girlfriend, because I would not ever want to be put in the position of that girl and I sure as hell would not want to help PUT someone in the position of being cheated on.
It’s hardly thinking about someone as a prize or property and more like having respect for other people’s relationships and feelings. I’ve been on both sides of the equation (unknowingly dating a guy that “put himself out there” when he already had a girlfriend, having a guy keep me around until he was sure someone else was interested) and I have seen the fallout and when it happens, it is devastating to people.
That’s a trust issue, to me. You should be adult enough to break it off with the other person before you go out testing the waters. It is not fair at all to treat someone as a safety net, keeping them around in case no one else interesting shows up.
Jiminy Christmas, this thread is getting depressing.
For what it’s worth, I’d never want to get involved with someone who was already with someone else, regardless of the strength of their relationship. It just seems… predatory. Tacky at best.
And I’ve certainly had my opportunities. One girl, who’d been after me for a while, wanted to start something while her boyfriend was away at boot camp. Thanks, but no thanks.
Yeah, I don’t think you’d want to cross a dude who’s off learning how to hunt The Most Dangerous Game.
So when you were first starting to date the woman that would become your wife and you were “the other man” so to speak, it didn’t bother you that after a date, she was going home to get in bed with and possibly have sex with her current boyfriend? If it didn’t bother you, you are a better man than me because it sure would have bothered me! While I’m glad you are secure in your marriage and should be, I also agree with the other poster that in general, a woman (or a man as well) that will cheat with you will eventually cheat on you.
ElGuapo
6447
I was reading over this thread just now and came to the conclusion that I’ve been a real dick over the last year (or two!) to WarrenM. So I would like to apologize to him (especially for that wife comment, that was really in poor taste).
Sorry man.
You’re an alright dude, Guapo.
That link needs to be enshrined in the YouTube thread, if you haven’t already. It’s one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time.
Even if you have no moral compunctions against cuckolding other men, it’s usually not a good idea to do it to them while they’re off learning how to kill people.
Xerapis
6452
Wow. So had a cute guy from OKCupid start chatting me up last night.
I login this afternoon just to check messages and whatnot. And there on my list of suggestions is another profile with the same picture. Not the same primary. This other profile has the first profile’s secondary as it’s primary, slightly cropped. Another pic on the list is identical, another one clearly taken at the same time but in a different position/pose. Other profile is different location, age, height, etc.
WTF?
I was just reading a Jezebel article about something like that earlier! I was googling okcupid profile pics (for ideas on what works best) and stumbled upon it: http://jezebel.com/5737806/okcupid-profile+fraud-is-the-crime-youd-never-expect
This is one of those things that is oft repeated, but are there any studies that prove that it’s true? It sounds like one of those pseudo-psychology things that become common knowledge without any proof.
WarrenM
6455
It’s just common sense. Why would suddenly stop cheating on their partners because you came along? A pattern is a pattern. I’m not saying you shouldn’t give people another chance but at the same time, don’t be surprised if they cheat on you. They cheated to BE with you, FFS.
I think it depends on the circumstances. A long time ago I knew a woman who, if she was unhappy in a relationship, would line up a new girlfriend before breaking up with the current one because she couldn’t handle being alone.
OTOH, there are one-time situations where someone cheats either because they’re unhappy in one particular relationship or their soulmate comes along, and it’s not likely to ever happen again.
WarrenM
6457
Yes, it’s not a universal rule. Look, all I’m saying is that it’s a warning flag. Be careful out there.
Yeah, I think it is important to make the distinction between cheating and meeting someone new. After all some relationships end because one of the people realize there is someone else they would rather be with.
Of course I think a lot depends on how that overlap period shakes out. If the breakup happens very soon, I think that’s OK. If weeks and months roll by I would say you are definitely dealing with either a cheater or a very weak willed, indecisive person. Either way it’s probably going to go bad.
And now for a success story, and believe me I need one! The woman I’ve been dating for the most part for the past 2 years, with a 6-month break early last year, and I are getting married! Yeah, the timing sucks with me having been laid off and only getting contract gigs here and there and her recovering from an auto accident. We also had some fairly serious drama about a year ago ( see about 100 pages earlier in this thread). But we finally realized that through it all, we really want to spend the rest of our lives together. She’s an awesome person and on dark days (of which I have had a number, see the “I got laid off thread”), she is an incredible ray of sunshine.
So this gal who I met online (at christiancafe.com) and I are getting married on March 26th. Since we are both close to 50 and have already done this once before, we don’t need a big long engagement. Just a couple of months to make the necessary plans and for guests to make their plans.
So see? This Internet dating does work once in a while!!
So… are you gonna change your handle?
