That Internet dating thing

ZekeDMS · 2011-02-06T21:09:50.000Z

It’ll be true again soon.

Raife · 2011-02-06T21:12:25.000Z

Wumpus needs to make a poll.

DrCrypt · 2011-02-06T21:46:38.000Z

divorced:

And now for a success story, and believe me I need one! The woman I’ve been dating for the most part for the past 2 years, with a 6-month break early last month, and I are getting married! Yeah, the timing sucks with me having been laid off and only getting contract gigs here and there and her recovering from an auto accident. We also had some fairly serious drama about a year ago ( see about 100 pages earlier in this thread). But we finally realized that through it all, we really want to spend the rest of our lives together. She’s an awesome person and on dark days (of which I have had a number, see the “I got laid off thread”), she is an incredible ray of sunshine.

So this gal who I met online (at christiancafe.com) and I are getting married on March 26th. Since we are both close to 50 and have already done this once before, we don’t need a big long engagement. Just a couple of months to make the necessary plans and for guests to make their plans.

divorced, honest to goodness, I hope you end up happy… but is this a fucking joke? Are you crazy? You don’t think you need more than a two month long engagement with a woman whom you were just separated from for six months? Guess what: you do.

I really am not trying to shit on your happiness, but look: 50 year olds should not need to take six month breaks from healthy relationships to know if one is or isn’t and if it’s working or not. I’m not saying she doesn’t love you, or you don’t love her, but you should let up on the gas pedal here until you both have time to not just be enthusiastic about marriage, but both be cool about marriage, lest your nick become an issue of a square.

(Without knowing the full story, I would also hazard caution on marrying anyone after they’ve been in a potentially traumatizing car accident.)

Seriously, I know, I ragged on you before, but why the rush? You say you’re 50: what makes getting married now so pressing?

divorced · 2011-02-06T22:20:43.000Z

DrCrypt:

divorced, honest to goodness, I hope you end up happy… but is this a fucking joke? Are you crazy? You don’t think you need more than a two month long engagement with a woman whom you were just separated from for six months? Guess what: you do.

I really am not trying to shit on your happiness, but look: 50 year olds should not need to take six month breaks from healthy relationships to know if one is or isn’t and if it’s working or not. I’m not saying she doesn’t love you, or you don’t love her, but you should let up on the gas pedal here until you both have time to not just be enthusiastic about marriage, but both be cool about marriage, lest your nick become an issue of a square.

(Without knowing the full story, I would also hazard caution on marrying anyone after they’ve been in a potentially traumatizing car accident.)

Seriously, I know, I ragged on you before, but why the rush? You say you’re 50: what makes getting married now so pressing?

First off, we weren’t JUST separated for 6 months. We have been dating steadily for the past 7 months or so as well as the 12 months or so before we had our break. We know each other very well. We know this is what we want and there is no reason for a longer wait quite frankly. And without getting too boring going into finances and such, late March is an almost perfect time for both of us. As for the accident, it’s not like she has a whole new personality afterwards. She has some definite health issues and I want to be with her through them and she wants me. We currently live 120 miles apart and are both REALLY tired of the constant driving, only seeing each other on weekends, not being able to do anything spontaneous, etc.

A year ago when we took our break, things were different. There were some other significant hurdles involved then. Those have long since resolved themselves. While our lives are not two fairy tales, we do know what we want and who we want to be with. After really close to being with myself 5 decades, I know what and who I like and who I do not as does she. We have chosen to be with each other.

We didn’t just decide over a candle lit dinner last night and just go all out. We have been discussing this over the past 2 months and doing some hard thinking. This is our decision and I’m really excited for the first time in a long time.

Now as for changing my name here, can that even be done???

Editer · 2011-02-06T22:39:27.000Z

Divorced,

You’d posted:

with a 6-month break early last month

I think you meant “last year.” But that’s why a lot of us read your post and had a “say WHAT?” impression. It sounded like you’d just gotten back together after the break last month, not seven months ago.

divorced · 2011-02-07T01:15:24.000Z

Editer:

Divorced,

You’d posted:

I think you meant “last year.” But that’s why a lot of us read your post and had a “say WHAT?” impression. It sounded like you’d just gotten back together after the break last month, not seven months ago.

Oops, yes that would be a bit weird. It was early last YEAR. Thanks Denny!

Robert_Sharp · 2011-02-07T04:24:51.000Z

divorced:

Now as for changing my name here, can that even be done???

Elhajj has done it like 14 times.

DrCrypt · 2011-02-07T05:48:00.000Z

Yes, this break happening last year makes all the difference in the world. Congratulations, divorced! Really, I wish you the best and hope you’re very happy together.

divorced · 2011-02-07T06:44:23.000Z

DrCrypt:

Yes, this break happening last year makes all the difference in the world. Congratulations, divorced! Really, I wish you the best and hope you’re very happy together.

Thanks! I appreciate that!

divorced · 2011-02-12T06:52:27.000Z

Man, I talk about getting married and the thread just dies…

ZekeDMS · 2011-02-12T09:59:17.000Z

We’re simulating your marriage, that’s all.

Creole_Ned · 2011-02-12T10:47:20.000Z

Speaking of marriage, the SO and I did actually talk about furthering our commitment re: living together and agreed that the time to do it is not right now but probably not too far off in the future. I raised the most important question concerning the arrangement: Where would my computer go?

His place is much nicer than mine, so I admit I’m warming up to the idea.

jerri_blank · 2011-02-12T11:01:04.000Z

Wow, that’s a big step. Congrats on even talking about it. :)

Robert_Sharp · 2011-02-12T11:53:18.000Z

How long have you two been dating, Ned? I personally think people should try living together before they get married. There also comes a point where you essentially ARE living together, if you are constantly together. Moving the stuff in becomes the next logical step. Glad you found someone that is that serious, especially when you think back to how you were early in this thread. I remember when you almost gave up on dating, so this is good.

Hans_Lauring · 2011-02-12T12:24:22.000Z

does anybody outside arranged marriages and deeply religious cults get married these days without having lived together first?

Creole_Ned · 2011-02-12T12:28:55.000Z

We’ve been together for four months or five hikes. Both measurements are equally valid. :D

Morberis · 2011-02-12T13:16:37.000Z

I’m really excited for you Ned, it seems just like yesteday that you were talking about your garbage luck.

Raife · 2011-02-12T13:17:41.000Z

Yeah, congrats, Ned!

Alan_Dunkin · 2011-02-12T13:41:45.000Z

This is the radio guy, right?

— Alan

Raife · 2011-02-12T13:54:21.000Z

Wait, video killed the radio guy.