That'll mess 'em up real good

So my Aunt calls her daughter, my cousin. Her 7-year old son answers the phone in tears, bawling about how bunny is gone (he and his little sister have had a pet rabbit for the past while). So my aunt gets my cousin on the phone and asks wtf happened. Cous’ explains she got rid of the bunny because the kids “…weren’t giving it enough hugs and kisses.”


Seriously that’s the kind of shit they’re going to be talking to a pshrink about in twenty years. “Why are you a dysfunctional clingy retard?” will be the question.

Let us know how it goes.

In case I wasn’t clear - this was entirely posted as just a mind-boggling wtf type thing. I should have left off the bloggy stuff at the end. Which I’ll now delete!

My sister had a rabbit when she was a little kid. Poor damn thing sat in its dark cage in the basement getting zero attention for months on end. Finally gave it away to folks with a big parcel of land for the rabbit to run around on. Of course my sister was in tears. Kids.

Ya, kids aren’t exactly the greatest with pets like rabbits. They’re all cool for a while, then they get neglected and/or abused.

A couple friends of ours had bunnies, and some good friends kid asked for them because she’d love them good… So, the kind hearted folks give the bunnies to her.

A few months later, they notice that the bunny cage is outside their window (where it had been kept) and squashed flat - with the bunny corpses still inside it. The kids had been using it as a stepstool inside and out of their bedroom window and had just crushed the bunnies flat.

We got peeps for Easter one year when I was like 7 or 8. We were a family of seven kids all under the age of 10. Actually we might not have been seven strong that early.

Those poor peeps. Clearly my parents didn’t expect the level of abuse we heaped upon those baby chicks. We were not trying to kill the peeps. But we did toss them down the steps to make 'em fly. More damaging were the peep races, with people trying to propel their peep across the finish line while tripping up all the competing peeps. It was bad.

Predictably there were tears as each peep expired. We burried them out back with little popsicle tombstones. We never got peeps again for Easter, only chocolate bunnies.

Okay, that’s just sick. I know kids are cruel, blah, blah, blah, but you need to be a preteen Charlie Manson to do something as awful as this.

Referring to the bunny cage story, not the peeps one. Although the peeps one is creepy, too. I don’t understand why parents would give kids pets like this.

I find this an incredibly droll response. Mabye it’s becasue it’s the second post and the original post has been edited, so I can no longer see the context. But must say I have gotten quite a big kick out of reading this response, but I can’t really say why.

Go to the pet store and look at the prices. I think peeps are like fifty cent for a dozen. Who knows how cheap they were in the 70s. If you are a parent you think, how inexpensive! Not: those poor things will never hold up.

the peeps in the pet store are cheap because they are being sold as feed for the other pets in the store

Actually, I’ve never seen them on sale in a pet store in Canada. Don’t remember ever seeing them in a pet store in Canada. And I wouldn’t think “How inexpensive!” if I did. I’d think “How fucking stupid and disgusting,” because I’d know that the little guys were being sold to be pretty much immediately killed by half-wits.

Not to go all PETA on everyone, but I don’t know why provinces and states would ever allow animals to be sold like this.

As opposed to what? Is there some super peep I don’t know about that costs more but is worth it? What?

This is only because you read all Internet message boards and are an informed procurer of peeps, my friend. And possibly because you live in Canada, a bastion of peep protection.

If you ever get some pussy and are blessed with a half-wit, that half-wit and his mother can rest assured that you will only allow wise pet purchases.

Am I the only one wondering what the hell kind of animal a “peep” is? A google image search comes up with all kinds of nasty images (should have left safe search on). If it’s a baby chicken, isn’t it called a Tom?


I assume he isn’t talking about these guys:

This is a Peep:

On the subject of cruelty to Peeps, note this research study.

If Tim is calling actual baby chickens peeps, it’s either because he is a mutant (with lousy powers), or he likes to eat them on Easter.

After the neighbour’s dog ripped our guinea pig cage apart and killed the two guineas, we tidied up the cage and told the kids that the guinea pigs got bored of the cage and went off ‘exploring’. Now, whenever a pet dies and they are unaware of it, it conveniently joins the exploration party, valiantly led by Snowball and Lucky. If you see two Guinea Pigs and three goldfish in pith helmets and safari gear scouting your yard, let them know that the kids still talk about their adventure.

So my sister’s crazy dog, which she abandoned upon reaching college - because it was given to her by her boyfriend and omg that guy is, like, disgusting now - goes crazy when she gets together with it again, whilst bringing along her pet rabbits that are expecting a litter. Her dog breaks loose, grabs mr. rabbit by the head, and doggishly rips it off. So everyone is broken up. She hides the mother and the babies in the laundry room, with a KEEP DOOR CLOSED sign.

Christmas dinner, on Christmas day. The dog gets into laundry room. Rips the heads off of every living thing - except one baby that somehow escaped the rabbit holocaust. So guess who just got a baby rabbit for Christmas?

Now i take this rabbit back with me, and he’s quite a little darling. I try to teach him, as best i can, to use the cat litter, since at that time i’m stuck in an apartment. He likes sleeping on a map at the foot of the bathroom door. I play with him, pet him, and he’s more or less completely tame, insofar as you can tame a rabbit.

Now i’m used to little dogs sleeping in my bed, so i figure why not teach the rabbit to sleep up there with me? He doesn’t have anyone else, right? I feel rather fatherly toward him, considering that he was the only survivor of his little rabbit family. So i make a pillow starcase and coax the little rascal a step at at time “here you go, buddy!”. Finally he reaches the bed.

And immediately, on top of me, without hesitation, urinates right on the bedspread.

And from that moment on the only place he would go was on top of the bed or my couch. The litter box was instantly forgotten.

I one particually dreadful memory of being so sleep deprived from the combination of his bunny feet clawing at the bathroom door to get out and the feces and urine that inevitable follows his escape, that one night i said “fuck it”, piled EVERY single blanket i had on me, crossed my fingers - and it still soaked all the way through. So i slept on the floor with a vacuum cleaner for a pillow. And though i’m not certain, i still kind of think he went to bathroom on my head as i slept.

But what could i do, he was my sister’s last remaining rabbit?

Well, at this point, he gets to sleep in the rabbit cage from now on.

A month or so later, i took him back, and told my family they had to find him another home. Eventually they gave him to the neighbor’s with some young kids. Though i’m not certain, i think the kids didn’t know how to care for a rabbit, because i was told it died less then a month later from “causes unknown”.

Never gets old.

this is why parakeets are the ultimate kid pet. there are basically only, like, 5 different parakeets in the world. so, when one dies, you just replace it with one that looks the same. kids are none the wiser.

i like the exploring story, though.