I was really looking forward to this game. After facing Tenuki in…damnit, that rand game where I was Mictlan, and Nate in Sleipnir where I was Agartha, I was pretty hyped on Caelum. What’s not to like? Flying scouts, check. Air power, check. Water power, check. Little astral, little death, check check. Furry elephants, check.
Now elephants, furry or bald, really concern me. I kinda obsess about them. If I think i might be against them, i go straight to counters. If i have them, i try to flood the world with them. Good old rock, nothing beats rock.
So my initial expansion strategy relied on elephants(furry). After pounding on the world with my hirsute pachyderms for a while, I would phase them out and replace them with thunder and lightning. Shock and Awe! Almost literally. I’d use those high seraphs, with a bunch of storm guards flying cover. Damnit, they’ll never suspect it. I started writing my victory speech.
For a pretender, i took a daughter of the dawn. She has a magic owl. I dig chicks with owls more than i like my hirsute pachyderms. I spent 10 points to get her glasses, and another 5 to have her hair done up in a tight bun. I wouldve spent another 10 to make her hair black, or at the very least, dark chestnut, but this silly game doesn’t allow for such important things. In any case, she’d be my stormy librarian goddess of the dawn, with owls. I gave her pretty high astral, cause she was smart like that, and earth to insinuate that she was still pretty grounded. The astral was…well, i guess i always want someone that is competent astrally (lesson learned), and earth…damn, i like earth too. She was dormant, and a little moody, and a little…ah, but perhaps I’ve said too much…
So the game starts, and I initially really like where I’m at. Pre-game, I was a little worried about not have enough resources, but my spawn point is just filled with trees, and mountains, and forested mountains. Remember this for later, because irony is like a beloved brother to me, always beating me with a soapbar-filled pillowcase every night. First you hate it, but later, you come to realize that if he didn’t love you, he wouldnt take the time to beat you. So it’s alright.
Anyways, scouty goes away and on turn 2, i know where my good friend Nate is. Nate’s important, cause we always seem to end up next to each other, clawing each others eyes in a freefall, until someone ends up crushed. And eyeless. This time, we easily settled on a border, and peace, and everything was muffins. I wasnt too concerned about Nate, I figured he’d be doing some kind of archer thing, and all my stuff in the air and flying are pretty nasty for archers. Not to mention goblins crush easily under hairy hoofoot.
I think by turn 6 or so, i’d found everyone. I even offered to sell information and, like an older hirsute hooker with bunnies, I was a little disappointed when no one was interested in my hares.
So, everything settled, I have Machaka to the north, shiny to the northeast, Van to the south eastish, kail to the south, and pythium west over the water. Eriu was north of Machaka or south of kail, depending on which way you were facing.
Oh, but I wanted to hit Kail…The monkey people are weak to start, tramble well under hoofoot, and were in possession of some huge open land. Most importantly, i was scared of their endgame - and so, i really wanted to hit them hard and early. Plus, it was perkins. We have rulez about the perkins.
Oh, but Machaka was scary. He was in a crappy place, with little room to expand. I kinda toyed with him diplomatically, to gauge where he wanted to go, and i thought we might work out something. But then he done and went gone attacked eriu. Eriu’s cracking, and the fact that Machaka was riding a huge double bless, made me think i needed to help him now, when I was still in furry-phase. Shiny was worried too, and we both charged to Eriu’s rescue.
Well…part of my strategy relied on my high dom(9 or 10 iirc). This would be necessary for my storm warriors, as all that wonderful magic ice armor melts in the heat. Then i noticed Machaka’s riding heat dominion. Ah, nuts - i better make this fast, cause if i dont, this is gonna hurt.
So i toyed with him, jousted with him, played little peek-a-boo games…and tried to get domspread to cover my advance. i realize i couldnt trample his big-ass spiders(and I’m curious what you were worried about from me, Maer), and without dominion, my other options were pretty weak compared to the massive fire and nature trump cards he had.
So this is where I think the irony sets in. As I start waging my war, i’m a little shocked(no pun intended) to find that I’m just not making much money. I mean, literally, not too much more than the cost of a single high seraph(like 300g) …wtf is going on? Well, that start point has next to no plains anywhere near it. Mountains, check. Forests, check. Swamps, check. Wide open plains with tens of thousands of exploitable, semi-skilled, labor - no, not so much. In fact, my second most profitable province ended up being the sea beside Machaka’s capital. Ugh indeed.
So, cost cutting mode. Furry elephants - too expansive to maintain or buy - cut em. High seraphs - cut. And then you factor in many of the caelum troops are size 3 and…stall.
So that’s where i pretty much ended the game, trying to win a war i could barely fund. Of course, I eventually managed to dom kill Machaka, but only when he made a mistake and sent his pretender in with no retreat lane. But i never sat in his capital, nor tasted those fine spider wines.
WHen Vanheim came aknockin, i was pretty gimped magically and one side having fog warriors tilts the playing field pretty substantially. Plus they were like all vampires (and tbh, i was really surprised how well they resisted cleansing water, since i figured he’d come with his dead-on, and i had cleansing water spamloaded and ready to fire).
And well, hey, go giants!
