The 50 Most Loathsome People In America, 2007

The 50 Most Loathsome People In America, 2007

9. You

Charges: You believe in freedom of speech, until someone says something that offends you. You suddenly give a damn about border integrity, because the automated voice system at your pharmacy asked you to press 9 for Spanish. You cling to every scrap of bullshit you can find to support your ludicrous belief system, and reject all empirical evidence to the contrary. You know the difference between patriotism and nationalism – it’s nationalism when foreigners do it. You hate anyone who seems smarter than you. You care more about zygotes than actual people. You love to blame people for their misfortunes, even if it means screwing yourself over. You still think Republicans favor limited government. Your knowledge of politics and government are dwarfed by your concern for Britney Spears’ children. You think buying Chinese goods stimulates our economy. You think you’re going to get universal health care. You tolerate the phrase “enhanced interrogation techniques.” You think the government is actually trying to improve education. You think watching CNN makes you smarter. You think two parties is enough. You can’t spell. You think $9 trillion in debt is manageable. You believe in an afterlife for the sole reason that you don’t want to die. You think lowering taxes raises revenue. You think the economy’s doing well. You’re an idiot.

Exhibit A: You couldn’t get enough Anna Nicole Smith coverage.

Sentence: A gradual decline into abject poverty as you continue to vote against your own self-interest. Death by an easily treated disorder that your health insurance doesn’t cover. You deserve it, chump.

That’s an awesome entry. Reminds me of the Punk Testament from the Boomer Bible.

Ooh, attitude, attitude! Soo snarky! He sure told me off! I want to be just like the ill-mannered, miserable rodent who typed up that particular screed.

I don’t like it when websites or blogs or magazines or other entities that want me to read them start hurling insults at me. I have better things to do with my time than willingly take abuse from internet strangers. Like, y’know, hammer nails into my winkle.

So we all suck and are ignorant. Insightful. That’ll learn us.

I don’t know, since none of those insults applied to me I wasn’t offended by it. But I sure work with a lot of people that it nailed to a head.

I liked it better when I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year.

Generally mean-spirited and stupid.

It’s description of “you” sure was a helluva lot more accurate than Time’s.

It’s clearly aimed at everyone but YOU. This is what makes it work as an entry. You can say “Yeah, Americans DO suck,” and somewhere in that list you’ll find a pretty good reason why. Don’t some of the reactions in this thread actually support the claims made? Also, doesn’t the entry itself show that the person who wrote it also falls into the category of people he/she is railing against? And don’t I for writing this post?

That was awesome. I’m going to have to keep an eye on this blog.

My guess is if you found that offensive, then it touched a little too close to home for you.

Me, I found it fucking hilarious.

Great writing.

But they forgot a LOT of things that YOU did wrong.

They missed out on your complacency about the War on Drugs and the constant assfucking of our civil liberties. And speaking of assfucking, it didn’t call you out on being a homophobic cocksucker who let the religious wrong enshrine discrimination against gays in state constitutions in 2004.

Hahaha, those fucking hacks at buffalobeast. They pulled this same thing in 2005, except we placed 4th overall. So hey, improvement!

The trend of including “You” in top ____ ___ people lists is starting to get tired.

No it wasn’t.

Stop being wrong.

This is like the blog version of griefing. Now he just needs to install a geography-trivia-based gate on his content.

  • Alan

Haha, this is what I was thinking.

41. Chuck Norris
Charges: Only famous for knowing Bruce Lee. Churning out puerile “action” bilge for 30 years. Skill as martial artist greatly exaggerated. Kitsch value wearing thin. Total Home Gym®. Walker, Texas Ranger once let a little girl battle armed gangsters, because she had the power of belief in God. Doesn’t understand evolution, despite access to mirrors.

   Exhibit A: Campaigning for Mike Huckabee.
   Sentence: Roundhouse kick from Charles Darwin. 


Charges: You believe in freedom of speech, until someone says something that offends you.

C’mon people… too easy.

I liked how they gave suitable, somewhat ironic sentences for everyone. Until they got to Cheney.

Punishment: Raped by the sun.