The Ballad of Douche Quadbike

So I was poking around a forum I used to visit before it mostly went to shit, and I discovered that while it’s still pretty bad on the signal/noise ratio, some of the old posters are still around and creating things that are glorious.

The story: as far as I can make out, there’s this bodybuilder guy who really wants to play Captain America in the upcoming Marvel movies. He’s made a few videos to this effect on Youtube, as well as one where he lifts a bunch of HEAVY THINGS to prove that some girl who dumped him years ago should come back to him or something. He (and probably a few of his friends) decided to promote him for Cap by creating a bunch of fake internet identities and spamming links to the creepy stalker video everywhere they could think of. After two separate rounds of spam, one guy on the Cracked forums decided to make something awesome out of the situation and wrote The Ballad of Douche Quadbike, which he posted to Youtube as a video response. Then Cap and his friends decided that he was a terrorist, and well, I can’t really explain the direction the story takes after that. Read it, it’s fucking gold.

not feeling it.

I’m enjoying this…

A bottomless pit of mirth.

Nothing funnier than someone who takes themselves Way. Too. Seriously.

The parody video itself is weakish. The wild overreaction by wanna-be Cap and his buddies is where the humor lies.

The message from a supporter who claims he’s being investigated for linking the video is priceless.

The first parody video: not so great (although I love the painfully awful guitar solo). He didn’t really do any work on the video itself…pretty sure he just ripped the original video and chopped it off when his song ended. The techno remix video, on the other hand, is pure gold, particularly at the end.

I’m also finding “I’m Not Gay Anymore” to be a pretty catchy song and whistling it to myself on occasion.

That ‘techno remix’ is excellent!

Fantastic stuff. Man these guys are wackos. Must be the steroids talking.

Edit; The stuff at might actually be the funniest thread in the universe.


Stare into the abyss long enough… the abyss stares back at you. (we’re “Some Random Web Forum”)

Hi, Denieru!

And also Secret Agent!

Thanks for poking the bear, guys!

Everyone knows that you lift with your legs not your back.


That song was amazing.

I’m way too stupid to understand any of this, thankfully.

The fake co-conspirator message was the best thing ever.

A guy, Douche Quadbike (DQ) decides to campaign to be cast as Captain America in the upcoming Avengers movie by creating an incredibly cheesy video of himself and then spamming message boards and youtube to draw attention to said video.

Example:“Hey check out this incredible video! I think this guy should be the next Captain America!”

Some jackhole gets hold of the video and sets it to a song that conveys an entirely different message and posts that.

Which is where it should have ended.

But DQ and his friends (I’m not convinced that these friends are not DQ’s alts) decide to try and intimidate said jackhole into taking down his parody video. They call him a terrorist, they threaten legal action, they use hamfisted deception.

I think that’s about it.

I feel even stupider now, haha.
Thanks BlueJ.

No, no, don’t be, I had to use an dowsing rod, procedural algorithm and Powerpoint presentation to find the exact cause of the funny myself.

The fact that the guy is a douche didn’t give it away?
Not just that, but a douche on a quadbike.

I have “I’m not gay anymore” stuck in my head.