The Book of the Joe

In the early 16th century, Baldassare Castiglione wrote The Book of the Courtier, a text on the proper behavior, education, and dress of the defining members of his society.

It is now the 21st century, and the defining member of our society is the Joe – be he of the Sixpack, the Plumber, or of the Builder variant. Everyone from politicians to talk show hosts try to be a Joe, or at least pretends to know one. Yet we lack a definitive text on how to go Joe!

This is obviously an issue that Qt3 can rectalfy! What does a Joe do? What does he drink? How does he speak, what does he watch on tv, and where does he go for fun? How does he earn his daily bread?

All these questions and more are yours to answer. Let the Joe-ening commence!

Well, I have a Joe, he’s asleep upstairs.
Joe goes to 1st grade.
Joe drinks milk quite a bit, but not soda. He doesnt like fizzy stuff.
Joe speaks pretty well, but has a hard time with his S’es
Joe watches Spongebob mostly, but also loves watching the Red Sox and that terrible StarWars show.
For fun Joe goes to the park, batting cages and just around the neighborhood.
He earns his bread by doing the dishes.

Black Flag made a song quite some time ago that seems to have summed up the whole “Joe 6-pack” situation up quite nicely. Name of the song is called “TV Party”, it seems to fairly well hit the nail on the head. Keep in mind, this is old 80’ punk, so sarcasm and angst was the order of the day.

T.V. party tonight!
T.V. party tonight!
T.V. party tonight!
T.V. party tonight!

We’re gonna have a T.V. party tonight!

Alright!

We’re gonna have a T.V. party alright!

Tonight!

We’ve got nothing better to do
Than watch T.V. and have a couple of brews

All our friends are gonna hang out here tonight

Alright!

We’re gonna pass out on the couch alright

Tonight!

We’ve got nothing better to do
Than watch T.V. and have a couple of brews

Don’t talk about anything else
We don’t wanna know!
We’re dedicated
To our favorite shows!

We sit glued to the T.V. set all night
And every night!
Why go into the outside world at all?
It’s such a fright!

We’ve got nothing better to do
Than watch T.V. and have a couple of brews

T.V. news shows what it’s really like out there
It’s a scare!

You can go out if you want
We wouldn’t dare!

We’ve got nothing better to do
Than watch T.V. and have a couple of brews

Don’t talk about anything else
We don’t wanna know!
We’re dedicated
To our favorite shows!

I wouldn’t be without my T.V. for a day
Or even a minute!

Don’t even bother to use my brain anymore
There’s nothing left in it!

We’ve got nothing better to do
Than watch T.V. and have a couple of brews

Wait a minute! My T.V. set doesn’t work!
It’s broken!
What are we gonna do tonight? This isn’t fair!
We’re hurtin’

We’ve got nothing left to do
With no T.V. and just a couple of brews

What are we gonna talk about?
I don’t know!
We’re gonna miss our favorite shows!
NO T.V. PARTY TONIGHT