Speaking of Wisconsin, I know that you know that I like to pimp The Junior Player from the Dairy State, Mister Senator Russ Feingold on your ass. Seeing as how he was the solitary gangsta ass mothafucka to oppose that distorted Patriot act shit, he does evoke a certain sense of pride. But I digress.
My state offers to you a potential presidential robot topic of flavor. Savor it, you bouncing clefairies of conservatism. Taste his milky flavor, let it reform your tastebuds the way he reformed welfare in the nineteen-nineties, bitches. But don’t cut yourself like so many taxes on his sharp cheddar. Be respectful, my working girls, or the former Governor and flash fashion dance hall and reggaeton sensation will slap you down like you were not a woman, but rather one of nineteen hundred, that’s 1-900 for all you freaks that like to chat, bills by tax and spend liberals that got vetoed.
Do not fart in the darkness, this candidate is a hunter, and he ride his motorcycle to you and drown you in a bucket of water like he was Ronald McDonald Reagan. Let other people debate whether Barak Obama or Hillary Clinton has enough substance to embarrass themselves as much as John, Nickel-Trick, McCain. You will be too busy ironing your panties.
Ehhhh, I’m all for “Go Big Green!” etc., etc., but Thompson’s got exactly a snowball’s chance in a field where Romney’s already pulled ahead of people like McCain and Juiliani in funding.
(oh, and, I live about 5 blocks away from Feingold’s Middleton office, met the man during the 04 campaign. As much of a fantastic guy in person as he is in the Senate. I’d kill myself campaigning for a Feingold for presidency, if this country would ever elect a short Jew to the office.)
Thompson: “The secret is that I ride motorcycles.”
Matthews: “You’ll win the macho states!!!”
Alright, pared down, but essentially one of those moments that reminds me why I’m constantly disappointed in Matthews even with his rare moments of outraged lucidity.
I am just saying that Republican people have been presented with a bunch of lousy pseudo-neocon choices and now Wisconsin has been so kind as to let the country have a peak at a true conservative. He hunts and has a motorcycle. The judges that he appointed are motherfucking conserv-a-tive.
What is Conservatism if it isn’t School Choice, Welfare Reform, Vetoing the shit out of spending increases, and throwing away the key when you lock up criminal defendants? He even cleared the way for sex offenders to be locked up for the rest of their lives after they serve their sentences! He builds street cred while they build character.
Hold your breath if you want to, but I think that even an extraordinary human can only hold his or her breath for about two minutes, and the temperature of Hell would have to be dropping at fifteen degrees celsius per second for the whole two minutes in order to allow the monkeys to pick up sufficient speed as they fly out of my butt to turn the Straight Talk express around on the head of a pin.
Anyways, vote for him in the primary, if only in jest.
