School is a pretty brutal experience, and the mixed messaging women get from basically pre-teen and on doesn’t help.
This is not as unusual as you might think it is.
Wait, her dad co-founded ILM! So she’s upper middle class for sure. Or upper class. I don’t see that power imbalance or abuse set up at all now…
Ah well, still terrible treatment. She doesn’t mention in the article what her motivations were, perhaps he strung her along with the promise of fame or fortune…
I know, right? Why won’t these victims stop being victims? It’s basically not even Hardwick’s fault. He’s the true victim here. If only Dysktra would have been strong enough to avoid him altogether, his reputation would be preserved. That’s the real tragedy here.
It’s hard to believe people are still ignorant about abuse in this day and age but there’ll still be people blaming her.
The passivity of the victim does not excuse the actions of the predator.
Again… this happens to “normal” people all the time.
ALL. THE. TIME.
It’s been happening to my cousin for 3 years now. Maddening.
It’s fairly natural for people to look at folks who are in terrible plights and immediately try and picture themselves in such a situation. That’s good, actually – having empathy is a great thing.
The problem is that the outside viewer often hit a spot where they (probably a self-described “normal” person) simply can’t see themselves behaving as the victim did.
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“Well, I would certainly never get into a relationship like that!”
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“Hey, there’s no way that I would stand for such a thing as [x]!”
The next step is for that want-to-be empathetic person to start looking for the flaws in the victim that would cause them to accept the situations that they (the viewer) can’t see themselves in.
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“Oh, they’re a drug addict.”
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“Oh, they’ve got daddy issues.”
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“Oh, they’re just nuts.”
But then the viewer tends to just write off the whole situation. The victim was flawed, so of course they got into trouble. Then they don’t ever get around to seeing the other half of the equation here: Someone villainously exploited those flaws.
Dysktra had flaws, sure, and maybe she would have ended up in an unhealthy relationship no matter what; but Hardwick actively sought out someone with those exact issues and exploited them in a predatory manner. For years.
Being outside a relationship and seeing what is going on, and how one party or the other is being hurt or abused is easy. Try talking someone in a relationship like that out of it. Pretty damn hard thing to do.
You nailed it, Scuzz.
How many people here have gotten out of a bad marriage or relationship at some point in their lives? I’m not even talking about abuse, although that can be included. Just bad relationships in general. And then once you get a chance to step back and get some perspective, you wonder “what the hell did I see in him/her?”.
This woman signed her heartfelt article about what she saw as her abuse as “Former Trophy Girlfriend”. I guess that tells me all I need to know about her self image/agency in this whole thing.
How terrible.
She really got what was coming to her, huh?
You do remember the guy is the asshole… right?
Yes, he sounded very controlling, emotionally unavailable, dismissive of her, selfish, paranoid, and self deluded. From what she wrote in her article.
Not a sex offender, though. This is nothing like Weinstein. He still sounds like an asshole and a cautionary tale about celebrity worship and power dynamics and how you can slip into emotionally abusive relationships.
If you think you have to be a literal rapist to be part of MeToo and Weinstein is the top of the bucket instead of the bottom, I think you might need to reconsider that.
I can’t really tell if her experience was career based or not… seems maybe no but sex offender is not a requirement.
I guess I meant the top in the obvious and oblivious department. Jumping out of the shower in your robe and asking a massage from a stranger is about as close to “pervert in the bushes” as you can get on this spectrum, ala Weinstein. Certainly there are worse people committing worse crimes, I get that.
According to her he pressured her into sex continually, even when she would not engage at all (hence the starfishing reference). She felt violated. Perhaps legally you could not convict him of a sex crime but his behaviour really seems to have crossed the line.
Wait, @Nesrie, which way does the bucket go? I need to know how this analogy bucket is sorted, I fear I got it backwards or something.
The worst shit is always at the bottom of the bucket ;-),
Hardwick’s first official statement went to Deadline:
“These are very serious allegations and not to be taken lightly which is why I’ve taken the day to consider how to respond,” said Hardwick in a statement Friday night. “I was heartbroken to read Chloe’s post. Our three year relationship was not perfect—we were ultimately not a good match and argued—even shouted at each other—but I loved her, and did my best to uplift and support her as a partner and companion in any way and at no time did I sexually assault her.”
Hardwick went on to detail the circumstances of their eventual separation, seemingly quote from Dykstra and how he was “blindsided” by her online account earlier today.
“When we were living together, I found out that Chloe had cheated on me, and I ended the relationship,” Hardwick asserts. “For several weeks after we broke up, she asked to get back together with me and even told me she wanted to have kids with me, ‘build a life’ with me and told me that I was ‘the one,’ but I did not want to be with someone who was unfaithful,” he added in the carefully crafted response. “I’m devastated to read that she is now accusing me of conduct that did not occur. l was blindsided by her post and always wanted the best for her. As a husband, a son, and future father, I do not condone any kind of mistreatment of women.”
One of the two is a psychopath.