1981

Efficient. Well done. BTW, was Elijah at yours? He never shows up when I’m at one. I think he’s avoiding me.

1982

Nope. I’m considering drinking his glass.

1983

I put a tack on his seat. That’ll teach him.

1984

By the way, you sneak liquor onto a cruise ship by… hold on, BRB…

1985

I’ve never been on a cruise. I think a snarl might work, right?

1986

Why would having your hair tangled… nevermind. More beer.

1987

I’m all out. Stupid beer.

1988

So what you do is, cut the tops off of water bottles, leaving the cap and seal intact. Then you place them into a bowl of boiling hot water. Using a pliers and a screwdriver you carefully remove the intact cap from the top.

Then you empty out (or drink) other bottles of water. Then you cut the little plastic ring off of the now empty bottles. Fill them with the clear liquor of your choice. Screw the tops onto the full bottles.

When they are cool they will be perfectly sealed.

Anyone testing the bottles will have to assume that they have never been opened. Of course, putting them in your checked baggage will pretty much assure that they are not checked.

Do not get drunk on a cruise ship and fall off. Because I will not be responsible for that shit. Mmkay?

1989

Ah, fresh meat!

1990

[

](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0533599/)Winston: Charles, why have we got that cage?
Charles: Uh, security.
Winston: That’s right, that’s right, security. So what’s the point in having it if we’re not goin’ fucking use it?
Charles: Well, I would’ve used it but this is Willie and Willie lives here.
Winston: Yes, but you didn’t know it was Willie until you opened the door, did you?
Willie: Chill, Winston, it’s me. Charlie knows it’s me. What’s the problem?
Winston: The problem, Willie, is that Charles and yourself are not the quickest of cats at the best of times. So just do as I say and keep the fucking cage locked! What is that?
Willie: That’s Gloria.
Winston: Yes I know that’s Gloria, what’s that?
Willie: Fertilizer.
Winston: You went out six hours ago to buy a money counter and you come back with a semi-conscious Gloria and a bag of fertilizer. Alarm bells are ringing, Willie.
Willie: We need fertilizer Winston.
Winston: Mmmhmm. We also need a money counter. This money’s got to be out by Thursday, I’m buggered if I’m gonna count it. Just make sure if you do need to buy sodding fertilizer you could be a bit more subtle.
Willie: What do you mean?
Winston: We grow copious amounts of ganja, yah? And you’re carrying a wasted girl and a bag of fertilizer. You don’t look like your average horti-fucking- culturalist! That’s what I mean Willie.

I just love this movie.

1991

Okay, time to give my poor liver a rest. Tomorrow will be a scotch night perhaps. Fuck this weak Corona shit! :)

1992

Radio gaga!

1993

Goodnight Shadari’s liver. See you soon.

1994

You can also empty legitimate use bottles (toiletries, shampoo, etc) and refill those.

Note that you should make very, very sure you rinse them out very, very well. Otherwise the residue has lovely emetics and you will be very unhappy.

1995

Things are getting pretty tense between my girlfriend and one of our roommates. He’s graduating in two weeks and I think he’s realizing that The Legend is over, and that being a Montreal wigger isn’t cool, and getting bottle service and then going home to your mom’s house is actually quite sad, and that given that he never read a book until this year, he probably won’t succeed at his chosen post-college career path of novelist.

He’s realizing that not very many people give a shit about his opinion. He’s realizing that popularity isn’t really a thing once you get to this age. He’s realizing that he’ll be gone in a year and all this will go on without him and he’ll be forgotten and with nothing to look forward to.

I really don’t like alpha males. I don’t like people that rage when they think they’ve been made to look small.

1996

Oh man, this scotch really sneaks up on you. It’s like the first glass is a bit rough, then it’s smooth-sailing, then it’s oh fuck, I’m FUCKED UP!~

1997

Do the Amish do it doggy style? What about reverse cowgirl?

1998

So has anyone else here had that bottle of really cold liquor in the freezer? You know the one I mean. Vodka is the usual suspect. And you’ve had a few beers or something. And you decide to take a hit from said bottle, right out of the freezer. And maybe you have a really efficient freezer?

And so you pull the bottle out, and the liquid is like syrup, I mean really thick. And so you unscrew the cap and you take a gulp.

And your lips and tongue become totally numb. Just like you had a shot of Novocaine? How long is that numbness supposed to last? Because I’m worried that my lips and tongue are going to just fall off.

1999

You’ll be fine. Vodka’s never killed anyone.*

  • This is not medical advice.
2000

I just watched a movie called Dead Heat. It had Treat Williams, Joe Piscopo and Vincent Price in it.

My mind is totally fucked up now. Because… I liked it.

Jesus take me now.