The I'm drunk thread

CLWheeljack · 2012-04-10T04:52:04.000Z

I liked Dead Heat. Did you know that half of all people that have ever been alive are dead? Or something.

Houngan · 2012-04-10T11:33:15.000Z

RichVR:

So has anyone else here had that bottle of really cold liquor in the freezer? You know the one I mean. Vodka is the usual suspect. And you’ve had a few beers or something. And you decide to take a hit from said bottle, right out of the freezer. And maybe you have a really efficient freezer?

And so you pull the bottle out, and the liquid is like syrup, I mean really thick. And so you unscrew the cap and you take a gulp.

And your lips and tongue become totally numb. Just like you had a shot of Novocaine? How long is that numbness supposed to last? Because I’m worried that my lips and tongue are going to just fall off.

No promises that this is authentic, but a friend’s father was a missile silo operator in North Dakota. He said that he knew a guy who kept a bottle of whiskey outside the silo so that he could sneak away and have a drink. The upshot is that it went 40 below or some such crazy temperature and the cold killed the guy when he took a shot.

TRUE STORY! Maybe.

Omniscia · 2012-04-10T19:37:59.000Z

Time was there were more missile silos in certain parts of North Dakota than there were people, and the winter out there is a harsher mistress even than Lorena Bobbitt. I’d believe it.

RichVR · 2012-04-11T06:08:03.000Z

Save me a seat here for later. We have people coming to see the house tonight. I’m a very private person and for some reason this has me very agitated. I’ll probably spend some time at the bar until the realtor is done. This will be happening a lot in the future. Just what I need. A reason to drink.

RichVR · 2012-04-11T20:42:36.000Z

So the realtor comes by with a bunch of people. I’m on my way out. He says, no wait, you should be here. And so I sat in a chair in my living room as people walked around. I was on my iPhone for a bit. And of course I had CNN on. 'Cause that’s what I do every night. Not.

I just hate this stuff. It makes me very uncomfortable. All I could think of was that the people who came by were judging me. Yes I’m a paranoid fucker.

My favorite part was when I heard an woman ask, “Is this the owner?”

The answer, “Oh no, the owner is upstairs.”

I felt like putting a gun to my head.

And so now I drink. Why the fuck not? Much more of this to come.

fire · 2012-04-11T20:57:47.000Z

I thought you were the owner? What kind of shenanigans are going on here?

RichVR · 2012-04-11T21:02:05.000Z

My mother is the owner. There is a thing where if my mom dies my brother and I own it. Legal stuff that I sign.

RichVR · 2012-04-11T21:07:02.000Z

It’s funny, I guess. I have very little say in the whole thing. My brother lives in Florida. And his wife is, let’s say, strong willed. They convinced my mother to go out there. And my wife hates here job here. So she can go to Florida and get a good job. Me I’m the unemployed fucker so I get no say.

And honestly, i want my mom to be happy. So I just lose. Goodbye NYC hello Florida!

StGabe · 2012-04-11T23:47:18.000Z

Beer night.

Firestone Union Jack ->
Sculpin IPA ->
Alesmith IPA ->
Pliny the Elder ->
Firestone Velvet Merlin

(with a few tasters in between)

… and I feel good. :-)

Ed_Solomon · 2012-04-14T20:34:46.000Z

I don’t know why I don’t drink more beer. Being drunk rules. Stupid diabetes and possible diabetic coma. You suck.

Shadari · 2012-04-14T20:43:11.000Z

You just answered your own question, Ed. Don’t drink too much tonight bud. Leave that to me… a professional. PS: don’t try this at home, kids!

My only risk is a big belly and a bad hangover tomorrow. And a bad liver probably, but whatever!

Ed_Solomon · 2012-04-14T20:46:32.000Z

Shadari:

You just answered your own question, Ed. Don’t drink too much tonight bud. Leave that to me… a professional. PS: don’t try this at home, kids!

My only risk is a big belly and a bad hangover tomorrow. And a bad liver probably, but whatever!

You say you’re drunk but where out the Perry videos? Where ate they!

Shadari · 2012-04-14T20:50:41.000Z

Ed Solomon:

You say you’re drunk but where out the Perry videos? Where ate they!

Oh! Oh… I didn’t realize you guys missed my Katy Perry videos!!!

Well, I guess I can post her latest one. Cheesy, but cute as always. And I’m more an Army guy but I guess the Marines are okay too.

Without further ado:

Ed_Solomon · 2012-04-14T21:04:24.000Z

Oh I don’t actually watch them, it’s just they are an indication of quality of drunkenness. Like petty dedicated to Fire.

Fire, Fire. I can’t think of anything that rhymes because I’m drunk
How is your baby? I miss having little ones
My kids ate big and surely
Thank you for not posting pictures of your ass anymore
Not that it wasn’t very nice, it just makes me feel awkward
There is probability a metAphore thee Anout my relationship with women
Many spellings stake I care but am going to Go to bed. Fix tomorrow but that would be cheating. Drunk Thread has rules. Not vietnam, smokey. Mark it zero.

Shadari · 2012-04-14T21:07:18.000Z

I just got served by a drunk dude!

Oh well, back to watching The Black Hole on Amazon Instant Video! Love that stupid ass movie!

“Vincent’s my name… sharp shooting’s my game!”

Shadari · 2012-04-14T21:08:25.000Z

Oh, and I watched the Secret of NIMH last night! Gah, I love these stupid old movies!

Balasarius · 2012-04-14T21:55:10.000Z

Ed Solomon:

I don’t know why I don’t drink more beer. Being drunk rules. Stupid diabetes and possible diabetic coma. You suck.

As a type 2 diabetic, let me just say that coca cola zero mixed with rum is your friend.

Also, one guinness and 2 serving of peanuts has no effect on my blood sugar. Although I haven’t done extensive testing.

Shadari · 2012-04-14T23:28:30.000Z

Let that bitch go first…

DJ KICK THAT SHIT!!!

W_Wiley · 2012-04-15T23:44:10.000Z

Does anyone feel that TAX time makes you want to drop big rocks on earth till the lights stop coming on?

Rimbo · 2012-04-16T00:30:59.000Z

vons had a wine sale. sweeeeet… and an extra 10% off if you buy 6