The Iron Sheik describes "the old-country way to make you humble"

“And besides that everything was great!”

I’ll go out on a limb, and say that is the worst fake accent I have ever heard.

He’s brain-damaged, you asshole.

I’ll go out on a limb, and say that you are lying.

Best Iron Sheik story:

Marty Janetty was checking out some new talent in a town, and asked Iron Sheik to keep an eye on his girl at the hotel while he did this. When he returned to the hotel, he sees the girl he left with Sheik being carted out into an ambulance and the police are asking if anyone knows of a Kozrow Vizari and where he can be found.

Marty runs to Sheik’s room to find out what’s going on, knocks on Sheik’s door, and finds Sheik, sweating.

"Mahty, Mahty, I did vat you told me, I bring girl to room. She say she is thirsty, I gived her vine, she say she is in pain I gived her pills, she say she is tired I gived her cocaine, after all this she says, “Vhere’s Mahty?”

“No disrespect my friend, but I said ‘FUCK MAHTY! Did he give you vine, pills, or cocaine?’”

In response to this Marty asks why is she in the ambulance. Sheik just says, “I gave her a short clothesline. But she not know how to work. She turned into it.”

The asshole part is true independent of that, Mike ROGLFORLG

Everything I saw on the net, including Wikipedia, claims this guy is actually Iranian. That would make me an asshole, I guess, since I would be calling his real accent a fake accent. Since I can’t accept that, I’m going to stick to the theory that he’s not really an Iranian, but a half Scot, half German with a fake mustache.

It’s not a fake accent at all. He’s a former Olympic wrestler, a gold medalist at the Pan-American games, and bodyguard to the Shah.

[edit] Scooped!

This is true. The unusual qualities of his speech are in fact the cumulative effects of a lifetime of cocaine, concussions, and syphilitic fever. Asshole.

Wait, saying someone is faking an accent when in fact he’s coked out and syphilitic means I am FAILING to give the benefit of the doubt?

Listen to the interview when he says “That was a great feeling.” Listen to the first 3 words of that. Or the “I have a” in “I have a lot of respect for them”. Or the word “bitch” in “son of a bitch”.

I’m sure you can see where I’m coming from. But I guess Wikipedia is never wrong.

He’s a sad, enfeebled old man, and maybe we can try to treat him a little better than “HAW HAW FURRINERS SOUNDS STOOPID.” Go post on fark if you’re going to be like that.

That’s a terrible thing to say. He looks like a reasonably fit man to me, not enfeebled at all. He just has a strange accent from hanging out with pro wrestlers. And you shouldn’t misquote me like that, that’s defamation.

You jump into this thread with an obnoxious slander, leveled at one of the finest statesmen and Middle Eastern diplomats of the 1980’s, then turn around and feign innocence when it later suits you? For shame.

Hossein Khosrow Ali Vaziri came to this country to open a dialogue at a nadir in Iranian-American relations, and he did so by engaging directly with the American people. He sought to educate us about his beloved native Iran, travelling the country and performing in a series of public debates with such conservative American luminaries as James “Hacksaw” Duggan and Orenthal “Sargeant Slaughter” Slaughterskovich. He grew to love the American people, especially the frizzy-haired whores in acid-washed jeans and the ones selling crack cocaine. And the American people loved him back, lifting him into the pantheon of such beloved cold-war stereotypes as Dolph Lundgren, Yakov Smirnow, and that Balki guy that was on the Surreal Life.

And that is why I say to you now: Sir, do not piss on my head and tell me it is raining. And sir, do not piss on the Iron Sheik’s head. Because he will make you humble. In that old-country way.

In chess, they call it a Brilliancy.

Iran, numbahr one! Rhassia, numbahr one! USA — hackht, ptui!

I can’t believe I didn’t think to post this here. Bryan Alvarez (of Figure 4 Weekly, for those in the know) and my roommate Vinny have been laughing at this for a couple of weeks.

Why didn’t he cripple this guy and then forcibly enter his anus in front of tens of thousands of people? BECAUSE HE WAS A PROFESSIONAL!

Also a good Sheik story:

He and three other guys traveled together, mostly because they all loved cocaine. They ended up crashing out in a hotel room and one guy fell asleep on top of the sheets, facedown, naked.

He awoke later to find the sheik standing over him in his underwear, with an erection. Sheik’s response? “Sheiky didn’t mean nothing by it.”

“…and that was when I knew I’d hit bottom.”

What did Micheal Jackson ever do to him? Fuck his kid or something?

I worked with a guy who was Egyptian, but who had lived in Texas since the early 1960s. Now that was an accent to hear.