Come on, you guys, the fake vomit story is from Stand By Me. It’s from a MOOOOVIE.
I thought it was from Goonies, as was the “ma, I’m starting to like this kid” quote.
“Your sins will be read to you ceaselessly, in shifts, throughout eternity. The list will never end.”
I don’t know man…what the guy did was awful but given where you work I would think you would have a higher opinion of the concept of the rule of law.
:(
I see dead people.
Goonies! The Stand by me story is barf-a-rama.
It is from Goonies, Guapo is dumb.
Does ElGuapo work in the Bush administration?
Yeah it must be Goonies. I remember it was a fat kid. Musta been Chunk.
I thought he worked for the courts. If he worked for the Bush administration he would have delegated some underling to send the threatening message via some other underling and then this confessions thread would have to have hearings to determine who it was that actually knew that a threatening message had been ordered and it would be impossible to find out if anybody had any actual knowledge of who originally requested the threat be made.
Then on top of that there would be claims that the threat was perfectly legal because the assailant had been recategorized as a terrorist.
IANAL.
I assumed you were the stenographer.
;)
A girlfriend of mine in University once told me that she taught her dog to lick her in her special lady place, if you know what I mean and I think you do. Apparently this involved liberal application of chunky peanut butter to the nether regions. She swore me to secrecy, which I agreed to, and then immediately told every single person I knew because, really, how could I not?
When I was little, my mother would drop me off at my grandparent’s house during the day. My cousin Rory, a few years younger than myself, lived with them. He was probably my closest childhood friend.
One day we’re arguing about something in my grandmother’s bedroom, no one else was around. It was quite the heated argument, and we were both being stubborn about whatever it was. I was so fucking mad I wanted to punch him in the neck, but of course I didn’t want to hurt him. Finally, I had heard enough and said, “If you don’t knock it off…I’m gonna…I’m…I’m gonna pee on you!” He, of course, did not stop…so I dropped 'em.
So there I am struggling to get it started while he’s still close enough to hit, but he realizes what’s happening and climbs on the bed to get away. I get the stream going but can’t hit him where he’s at so I chase him up there. It’s hard to aim and run so I stumble and fall on the bed. As I’m getting back up I notice he’s fumbling hurriedly to get his dick out. I hop down and get him just as he gets things going and pisses right back on me. I guess you could say we were pissed at each other. We chase each other all over that friggin’ room, pissing EVERYWHERE, ON EVERYTHING, bed, curtains, pillows, floor, closet… Soon we were laughing pretty hard, until we both had the “Oh shit, we just pissed all over this goddamn room.” realization. We rushed through the door and played outside for the rest of the day, and no one ever said a thing about it. Awesome.
So what… I’m supposed to confess/boast now?
Ok…I didn’t really cause this, per se…but I did help cover it up. A friend and I got drunk at my house. When he got drunk, he would get REAL drunk and start crying about this girl he used to date. I can still hear those whining, sobbing 'Sooonnnnjjaaa’s Ugn. Anyway, we were outside in the back and he started stumbling around. Unfortunately, my Dad had been working on the septic tank for a few days. It was open, and full of water (well…I say water…but you know). He stepped right into it and fell down to his chest. I pulled him out, but it was pretty disgusting. So he went him home (he lived next door). About 10 minutes later, his Mom called my Dad saying that someone threw her son in a bunch of sewage. I got on the phone (still pretty tipsy) and tried to convince her that it was just mud.
He, OTOH, was so drunk that he ended up sleeping in those clothes. I told him what happened the next day and he stayed mad at me for about a week, thinking I somehow pushed him into it.
I had a girlfriend whom I knew was cheating on me. She used the fuck out of me for just about everything. I paid her rent, food, just about everything. So she came over one day to drop off her dog so I could watch him. She used my computer to check her e-mail. What she didn’t know was I had installed a key-stroke logging program. So after she leaves the house, I open a beer and sit down at the computer. I was pretty nervous, I’m not the sort to do this kind of thing. But I was certain she was fucking around on me. So after an hour or so and a couple of beers I log into her e-mail. And there it was all the evidence I needed. She had gone on a vacation a few weeks before and fucked an ex boyfriend. I was pissed. It took me another hour to decide what to do. So I called her, she didn’t answer, I called again a little later and still no answer. I printed out the offending e-mails and hopped in my car and drove over to her place. I had a key, I paid the rent after all. So I let myself in and there she is, on the couch making out with some other dude! Fuckin bitch. I scared the shit out of dude, who left faster than shit. She was kinda drunk, I forced her drive her car to my house and get her dog and some other shit I was storing for her and take it out. I actually threw all her shit out in front of my apartment. That shit took me forever to get over. What a slut.
-Icehole
“I swear I don’t condone wife beating, but I understand it!” Sam Kinneson
I’m the one who put the empty jug back in the fridge.
So what… I’m supposed to confess/boast now?
Not in this thread, it would be on topic.