The ultimate marriage contract

No explanation or introduction could possibly do this justice…

Where’s the :shock: Smiley when you need it?

Wonder if the other half will go for it? I suspect I’m more likely to need surgery to remove my testicles from my eyeball sockets if I put that in front of her somehow.


My favorite part was the elaborate calligraphy at the beginning of some sections. Obviously he put a lot of effort into that!

Yeah. Also, he conveniently provides a numerical scale for how much he values things. He likes anal a lot. It’s not all subservience, though, you are being too hard on him. Notice the sleep time section. He’s not allowed to wake her up at 2:00 AM for a quickie. That’s magnamity.

So Gary how did your wife take it when you asked her to sign this?

I think that’s some computer font - if you look there is no difference between between the S and the D’s. Plus the rest of the document is in Comic Sans MS

It isn’t. If it was in Comic Sans, it would have been catapulted into the stratosphere of unintentional humor. That would have made it unimaginably funny. As it is, we’ll have to put up with “Vaginel” and whatever font it really is.

But the kicker is that this guy is married despite that contract!

Well, you know… font selection is very important! Comic Sans gives a document that certain whimsical touch, particularly important when you’re instructing your wife how often you expect to penetrate her anally.

That was my second favorite part. My first was the way he added special dressing provisions for church. Clearly a religious man.


Is this real? This isn’t a joke? What woman in her right mind would marry someone after even being offered that contract?

If you read the article I dont think she ever saw it.

Some people are into this kind of shit. I’m not. I think it really takes the spontaneity and romance out of a relationship if your spouse always knows exactly when you are going to throw a mask and collar on them and share them with Hyatt Regency staffmembers on break.

What do you know, it turns out you can blame a guy for trying.

She never signed it, but she provided it to the cops, so she saw it.

Now that I think about it, that probably wouldn’t be enforceable. It’s one-sided, there is no consideration offered to the wife in the document. Not just in the social sense, but in the legal sense, too.

It’s for meretricious services, so it’s unenforceable.

Sure, but OTHER than that.

What, because she’s being paid with “Good behavior days” for sex?

“Good Behavior Days” can’t be considered payment because they can only be used to partially offset her responsibilities within the contract.

So, essentially, you are saying you cannot enter into a slave contract?

Sex contract. You can’t sell sex, so you can’t have an enforceable contract for sex.