The ultimate marriage contract

Under the UCC, aren’t all personal service contracts unenforceable? ie pro athletes can’t be court-ordered to fulfill their contractual obligations?

I thought the church exception was weird too. Evidently he was on a GBD when they were teaching the Biblical admonition that husbands love and respect their wives as Christ loves and respects His Flock.

That was my understanding. So even if you could sell sex, you need to sell it FOR something or the contract is invalid.

Yes, there are a ton of reasons that contract is not enforceable. You guys can probably come up with more.
Failure of consideration. (Arguable.)
Statute of Frauds. (Lack of signature.)
Meretricious Services. (Pony rides, ok, sexpony rides, not ok.)
Unconscionability. (Even if you could sell sex, we probably wouldn’t force copulation.)

Reasons it would not be entitled to specific performance, but are not limited to; contract governing an ongoing relationship (Too hard to enforce.), services not unique, contract limits damages.

Specific performance is when you get exactly what the contract says you get, from who it says you get it from, as opposed to say, money. It is only available in certain cases, such as real estate and unique items. Services, while possibly unique, are usually not entitled to specific performance because of rubber hits the road style reasons such as the lack on the part of the Court of any desire to oversee an ongoing relationship between two hostile parties.

Did Christ also tie His Flock to the bed when they were non-compliant?

Christianity is hot!

I thought the people having sex (first letter on all the fancy parts) did a fine job of that.

I had not seen that. It does indeed.

Olde English blackletter here and there would have been good, expecially in juxtaposition with comic sans. And maybe some slightly off-centered scans of covers from the Gor novels.

Vaginal slit!

Husbands are only commanded to love. Wives are commanded to respect. FWIW.

</pedant>

Ah you’re correct - it’s very similar to Comic Sans MS though, but the e’s and y’s are differently different. It’s deffinately some crazy ass computer font though.

Let’s call it “Vaginel” in honor of His Repugnantness, shall we?

Man, is that thing fucking funny. Can you even conceive of anyone remotely sane handing that thing to somebody with a straight face? I can’t help but picture a scene involving cages, chains, and children from prior marriages held at knifepoint.

Come on. (I paraphrase) “Must wear G-string and garter belts except during menstruation, where you may wear one or the other.” “Only high heels.” “Must be naked within 20 minutes of putting child to bed.” Oh well, at least he doesn’t think she’s fat!

I’m guessing he wrote this thing up awhile ago, and jacked off frequently during the process, imagining the current Playmate of the Year or Hustler Honey of the Month or whomever lustily fulfilling every demand on it - his own Meat Beat Manifesto, if you will.

I knew a guy in my highschool for an essay chose the subject of the perfect wife. I was very similart to that kind of shit and even talked about having any blemishes removed with laser surgury.

The dude was absolutly serious. Remember the name, Joel Wright, one day you will be hearing about him after he has been identified as a serial killer. Today is works at wal-mart and is president of some mouskateer fan-club.

Yeah, you have to wonder what his wife actually looks like.

Hard to imagine she ever married him. There must have been signs before the contract.

I like that he makes it perfectly clear he is marrying a piece of meat, or some kind of commodity, rather then a person - and is only concerned with one particular point of their relationship together. I guess whether she practiced Rochmaninov or sat around eating macaroni and bacon all day wouldn’t matter to him as long as she did it naked.

After all, guys, he is the bread-winner. Doesn’t that mean he owns her body - you know, because it’s only fair? Aren’t all sexual encounters simply exchanges of goods for services on some or another level? The sexua-nuptial contract is almost demanded by reason itself!

Fortunately women tend to lose their heads in relationships. If they didn’t to some degree, how else could the human race survive?