Things you have killed

The Lindbergh baby. No, ha ha, I didn’t really. Well, not intentionally.


Brain cells and my sense of decency. At the same time.

A pig. It was not what I’d woken up that day intending to do, but these things happen.

Also, while I didn’t kill it, I did once have a pet rabbit. I got him when I was eight in 1986 during a stay at my grandmother’s house. I’d wanted a rabbit for so long and she finally converted an old chicken coop into a rabbit hutch and bought me one. I named him Comet because of all the hubbub about Haley’s Comet at that time. I loved that rabbit like nothing else for a good year or so. Then I got bored of him because as it turns out, rabbits are kind of dull as far as pets go. They mostly just sit there and they’re dumb as hell. So whenever I’d go over to my grandmother’s house I’d hang out and watch TV and when she asked if I was going to go say hi to Comet I’d say ‘in a bit’ and then never done it.

Then one day I went to my grandmother’s with my dad and she served us all a nice, hearty stew. It was pretty delicious. When I asked what it was she said ‘Comet Stew’.


and any chance of going to heaven, but I am told I can get back on the Nice list.

Every morning:


War sucks.

Something. I’m not sure what. I was driving along one night delivering pizzas once and something four-legged dashed right out in front of my car and I rolled over it. I would have stopped to see what it was, but hey man I had to give out a $4 coupon if the pizzas are late.

Thousands of mold spores whenever I clap my hands. I prefer a more mold friendly thumbs up.

Yeah, there’s the winner.

Yep. Given the fair number of Iraq/ Afganistan vets on here, maybe not the most sensitive of questions.

My career. Does that count?

I don’t think I’ve killed anything larger than a bug. I accept responsibility for the deaths of any animals I’ve eaten in my life, but I never pulled the trigger, so to speak.

Lobsters, crabs, oysters, fish, and nearly one hog. She bucked when I pulled the trigger so my uncle had to whip out his bowie knife and stab her in the top of the skull.

I think I probably killed some birds and squirrels with a .22 when I was a young asshole kid, too.

People (via taking them off life support).

I killed a turtle. I was mowing tall grass and didn’t see it. I ran it over with a lawn mower and it came out the other side in pieces. A piece of its shell sliced my leg open as it flew past. I was maybe 11 at the time and still feel guilty when I think about it. Its head/face somehow managed to stay intact and it blinked one big, sad blink at me before it died.

You just killed my ability to believe your posts.

Jeez, that’s rough. I always wonder how doctors do that. Or if a patient dies in surgery.

Processes, appetites, and Time.

? ok…

If it’s the head/eye you take issue with, that’s what 11 year old me saw. It came out in maybe 4 or 5 pieces, the largest had the head and front leg. It was doing all sorts of crazy twitching and spasming after coming out the other side and the eye closed at the end of it. The sad, guilty 11 year old saw that differently than what it really was - a crazy twitchy dead animal.