Things you should never, under any circumstances, ingest but are technically food

There’s a lot to unpack there.

I um actually buy ranch dressing powder to sprinkle on my popcorn.

Can you help me buy Bitcoin?

Only popcoin. Ranchcoin went under.

Snake soup anyone?

The article makes comparison to pigs and cows, but skips the chicken comparison. I’d be surprised if, pound for pound, it is less carbon intensive than chickens.

It is just eating rodents with extra steps

It’s too early for April Fools… but here we are

I want you to know that you gave me face cramps from the scowl I just made.

Sounds like you need to hydrate and replenish those electrolytes.

Maybe a savory electrolyte infused drink?

It’s too early for April 1st right?

Sparkling Water usually tastes disgusting to me, so I like the idea of trying a savory flavor just to try something different.

Well, the following drink is quite similar to a half-and-half, but I’ll let the colours speak for themselves…

(Yeah, that’s Guiness layered on top of battery acid a particularly lurid shade of Monster.

Assuming that thing tastes vaguely lemony, it’s not too different from the more common beer/lemonade mix, but from experience most energy drinks taste more akin to the piss of a particularly diabetic gummi bear.

Looks like a drink for people that don’t like the taste of beer. They would be better off going to starbucks.

What’s wrong honey, you have barely touched your Gonster?

Yikes, that looks like poison - and I would guess it also taste like poison. Where I come from, a half-and-half is half Stout and half lager. You can add lemonade (1 part lemonade, 2 parts stout, 2 parts lager), but then you have to also add schnapps and serve it in a boot!

Coldstone is the next target for naming their food in way that implies it has an ingredient when it really doesn’t. Their pistachio ice cream is not.

The noodles appear to be the same ones they sell everywhere else.

Seems like a huge marketing win for the Ramen company.