This is not my son

Very sad story that has apparently gone national based on the wicked funny emails from my friends in other states…

Yeah that kid is done for.

That kid is awesome.

(Okay, yes. Things could have gone horribly awry and do on far too regular a basis when parents fail in their responsibilities, could have been a horrible tragedy…)

But seriously - four years old, drunk off his ass, cross-dressing, breaking and entering? This is like a COPS Hall of Fame entry right there!

I’m imagining four or five squad cars showing up, and the kid weaving back and forth on a concrete porch. “Fuuuuck y’all, damn immergrents takin’ up alla the spaces in daycare, whadda I pay taxshes for, fuck y’all!”

If you read the article, he was trying to get into trouble so he could go to jail to be with his dad. I think he’s pretty well fucked with that kind of start.

It’s better to burn out than fade awayyyyyyyyyy

He’s 4. His mother is 21. Do the math. Then realize his father’s in jail and still his role model. Yeah, Mordrak’s right.

You never know. That kid seems to have some drive and determination. I hear criminal drug lords make good bank. When this kid is twelve he’ll be in charge of a gang of shoplifting, lunch-money stealing ten year olds.

You forgot “cross-dressing.”

This young man needs to have his name changed to Ronnie Dobbs, stat.

Clearly this “child” was aware of his actions and needs the death penalty.

I wish more kids would show this sort of initiative. He’s lucky he didn’t get tazed.

Any update on the status of Billie Jean?

She’s not my lover.

I note that a neighbor’s house, fully loaded with presents, had a door unlocked.

Clearly this was entrapment.

Who tells a four year old his dad’s in jail in the first place?

Maybe the kid figured it out during one of his visits.

Dad’s on vacation at Hotel California.

Damn, that kid really is pretty advanced for his age.

His crime spree didn’t tip you off to that?

“Don’t fuck with me, bitches, I’m gonna go see ma daddy!”

This story couldn’t have been any better unless the kid’s name was Cartman.

“[Hayden] runs away trying to find his father,” Wright said. “He wants to get in trouble so he can go to jail because that’s where his daddy is.”

Can’t make any jokes, that just sucks.