Yet more sad evidence that institutional racism will still be rampant in the upper echelons of the military even in the 24th Century.
I think there’s a need to add “Force Enema” to the list of darkside powers. There’s nothing more concentration breaking while you’re trying to massacre some innocent civilians than having the Force shoot up your butt without warning.
And on the lightside: Force Bidet! A gentle cleansing now with 33% more midichlorians!
Um…Yeah, I don’t love this thread so much anymore.
There really was only one direction for this thread to go, Murph.
Into the crapper?
Yup. Didn’t even need the Force Push.
I’d just like to point out that it was XPav who force-pushed this thread toward the crapper. Up until that point it was a perfectly innocent thread about how Jedis tie their shoelaces.
Right, someone else hijack this thread and steer it someone sanitary. Off you go.
I think Force Evacuate could be just as disturbing, since it is hard to be intimidating or diplomatic when you are loudly and violently soiling your robe. For another disruptive power, I suggest the more insidious but slower-acting Force Constipate. “Help me, Obi-wan!” “Sorry, I’m all crampy. I think I’ll stay in today.”
I nominate this for Best Phrase of 2003.
Also, forcelacetying would be frowned upon by lightsiders as a frivolous use of the force. Dark Jedi would embrace it as the seductive, powerful convenience it truly is. It’s a slippery slope towards sith.
I would add as a force power, Not Falling Off High Platforms That Don’t Have Railings. The architects of long ago and far away were possessed of style but lacking in safety concern.
Does the core Star Trek literature cover whether or not a transporter can beam spermatoza directly from someone’s pendulous testicles and into the egg cell of a woman, also known in the future as a Koontz-designated semen receptacle? You’d think while the Federation was going about streamlining transporation methods they could make that first, most deadly and arduous journey a little safer for all of us. And continuing that thought, could Colum Meaney impregnate Counselor Troy by onanistically spilling a small amount of himself on the transporter pad before he thumbed the “Beam Down” button? Come to think of it, though, I’m sure surreptitiously impregnating Federation officers would eventually catch up with Chief O’Brien unless he took precautions - maybe there’s also an “Abort” button on the control pad.
I wonder if in the Star Trek future they beam the baby right out of the womb, thereby making for a painless pregnancy? Taking a good shit is one thing, I wouldn’t want technology taking that away from me, but I imagine there are plenty of women that’d be all too keen to have a beam-birth.
“Congratualtions! It’s a beautiful baby BrundleFly! By the way, transporter accidents arern’t covered by your HMO.”
Luddite.
I think maybe dark lords have boots with automatic laces like those Nikes in Back to the Future II.
Here’s the real question, though, will transporter technology make bowel movements obsolete, or will nanotechnology do it first?
Transporter technology will enhance the pleasure of bowel movements. Just write a transporter script that automatically saves the smaller ones in the transporter buffer, then lumps them all together & beams them back in for a colossal, satisfying dump every time. But don’t give anyone your password, or God knows what you’ll be dropping out. “Don’t turn the transporter on until maintenance gets here. Someone hacked the turd buffer again.”
I wouldn’t read any slash fiction if I were you.
I really miss Wumpus right now.
Of course, this thread would have killed him, so it’s all for the best.
If I had a sig, “Somebody hacked the turd buffer again.” would be it.