Tokimeki Memorial Girl's Side 1st Kiss - Actual Play

Yes, I am going to do this. I was planning on holding off until 2nd Season was fully translated but eff it, I can take up two threads with games about chasing high school boys. Right?

Legality note: The Tokimeki Girl’s Side games have never been officially translated into English. To play these games, the best you can do is import the Japanese version of the game, then emulate and use the fan-made English language patch. I would love it if these games would get official releases in the states, but I don’t get to set Konami’s agenda.

So, the Tokimeki series is a huge series of dating games, none of which are pornographic. The Girl’s Side games have you playing a girl through 3 years of high school. This is not a visual novel where you read/listen to lots of dialog and then choose from a couple of options to navigate the story. This is a life sim where you need to choose your classes, afterschool activities, clothes, and friends, go on dates and attend special functions, have a job, compete in mini-games… I’m probably forgetting some stuff.

I’ve played this game twice before, engaging in an inappropriate student-teacher relationship and chasing after the ace basketball player. This time around I am going to go make an artsy, stylish girl. A girl named:

Balls Mahoney. Ok, well, as close as I can get. The game doesn’t allow enough characters to get anywhere close to my standard Killfuck Soulshitter, so Balls it is. It has a system to let you pick syllables so that the guys can say your nickname outloud, but I don’t know moonrunes so I picked randomly. Now they call me Maho when they are speaking, but in the writing it’s all “Ooooh BLS-chan~!”

So the game opens up with a dream sequence where your much younger self is being told a fairytale by a boy with blond hair, and he promises that just like the prince returned for his princess, he will return for you someday. Then you wake up and realize that it’s your first day attending high school and you better get ready. A brief tour shows you all the major areas of the school including…

Kind of familiar? Lady, that was 5 minutes ago.

While investigating this mysterious church you run into someone and…

Oh look, it’s a blond haired boy. His name is Hazuki Kei.

That little icon in the upper right reminds me that I forgot to mention one of the major features of this game. You see, this isn’t just a game about wooing high school boys. This is a game about touching high school boys. You are periodically given opportunities to use the DS stylus to stroke your 2D boyfriend and watch him blush and object while hearts fly out of him. It’s possible to touch him too inappropriately and make him mad, so you have to really think about the ways in which you are going to molest each high school boy.

Blah blah entrance ceremony and I get to meet my new BFF for this playthrough, a cheerleader named Fujii Natsumi. She lets me know that Hazuki is basically the school idol, being smart, good at sports, and a well-known model. She doesn’t like him because he’s got a bad personality.

Then you meet your homeroom teacher, Himuro. You can get him, which is the first route I ever did because hey! Closer to my age is less sad, right? Also, he’s the sexy glasses character who wears suits. Also, he drives a Mazerati on a high school teacher’s salary? Something is wrong there. Anyway, enough about strict, sexy Himuro, I am ignoring him this playthrough. Totally ignoring him. I swear.

No incest. This little brat is your obnoxious playboy little brother, sexual predator of the preteen set. He is very, very concerned that you will grow up to be a lonely old cat lady and he will have to spend some of his playing around with women money to support you, so he stalks all your boyfriends to find out their birthdays, phone numbers, and how much they like you. He comes by occasionally to remind you that NO ONE LOVES YOU, YOU ARE DOING THIS WHOLE BOYTOUCHING THING WRONG.

Well, that finishes up the introduction. Since we’re limited to 4 images per post, I will be posting every time I have 4 screenshots I want to use, I guess.

Alright, enough introducing the setting and the side-characters, here’s some goddamn gameplay.

O-ok, here’s a statblock. Those are all pretty self-explanatory. I should probably explain the buttons on the right, though. All the blue buttons are functions you can do that don’t take up time. They are, roughly

[Wardrobe] [Check the Internet] [Options]
[Calendar] [Check Email] [Save]

The green buttons up top are activities you can participate in after school that will take up time periods. How long is a time period? Depends on when you start. Generally you get Mon-Fri as a single time period, then Saturday and Sunday as two separate time periods. However, special events can futz this up for you at any time, so it’s important to keep an eye on your calendar so you know what is coming up. The options I currently have available up there are

[Rest] [Study] [Paint] [blank, will be club activities in a while]
[RIPPETOE] [Read Fashion Magazine] [Practice Being Pretty In The Mirror] [Hang Out With Fujii]

I’ve currently got good Style and Charm, but I want to raise my Arts and Social. Time to check the internet and see what I should do today!

Looks like Study and Love are both good today! I want to be a stylish, arty hipster girl so I guess I’ll pick Art, since the horoscope dictates that I should.

While I am working on my masterpiece, my whorish little brother has been stalking Hazuki and tricks him into calling me so that I can have his phone number. THAT’S HOW LOVE WORKS RIGHT GUYS, CREEPY LITTLE BROTHERS ARE TOTALLY A TURN ON, RIGHT? KONAMI WOULDN’T LIE TO ME~

Anyway, on the weekend you get another three options, call a boy, go shopping, or talk to your creepy little brother. All I have to wear is sweatpants, so it’s time to get in the car and go shopping, bitches.

Being stylish ain’t cheap, and my parents expect me to get by with just $10 a month, so I need to get a part-time job ASAP to keep up. Still, I grab a dress, a couple of separates, and a coat. Over at the General store I buy as many accessories as I can, because wearing the right accessory is actually more important in this game than the clothes.

Clothing comes in one of four different styles: Pure, Elegant, Sexy, or Sporty. Every guy has two styles he likes and one that he really hates and what you are wearing will have an impact on his affection level. Making an outfit out of three different styles puts you in a fifth style called Danger, which is great for making a guy stop having a crush on you.

Each guy also has a type of accessory he likes and even if he hates your clothes, you can still get an affection boost from wearing an accessory he likes. Also, wearing an accessory that matches your horoscope gives you a boost to succeeding in any task, from school to love.

After shopping, it’s time to make the choice to join a club, and I decide to go with the Arts club. On my first day I run into this guy.

No, I really am not. Also, I am gonna cut off your hair while you sleep and wear it as a wig. Anyway, he is a genius artist who attends your school, though he says his parents are the real geniuses for making a masterpiece such as himself. Then he promises that he is going to attend club activities more often so that he can tutor me personally. Lawd have mercy.

You make me happy Angie.


Giving a friend or boyfriend the right nickname can raise affection, but choosing the wrong one can make them mad. I don’t know much about Mihara yet, just that he is full of himself and has pretty pony hair. So I’ll go with Shiki-kun. Not too formal, not too informal, it should be a safe pick.

Luckily, it seems to have worked, but he declined my invitation to the cafe because he had other stuff to do. FOREVER ALONE. So I call Hazuki and ask him to go to the park with me. He’s apathetic to everything so he’s all “I don’t mind,” and hooray, it’s a date? I put together my schizophrenic “elegant” outfit:

And it’s off on a whirlwind date with a smart, sporty model! This is going to be so fun and excit–

What? Is this a euphemism or something because I don’t–

And that was my first date with the main character of this game. Sigh.



Now I want to dress ‘Danger-style’ IRL. Or possibly danger-steez, if I can pull that off.

Oh wow, this is going to be epic.

balls-chan. i got a good lol out of that.

After taking a week to recover from my thrilling adventures in naptime with Mr. Excitement, I called up Mihara to ask him out on a date. I ended up asking him to the museum since I don’t really know what else he would like. This was his reply.

What, is that flirting? A threat? Mockery?

The day of the big date comes and

OH SHIT SON are you wearing a dog collar outside the collar of your frilly lavender shirt? Really?

We get inside the museum and it turns out that one of the most prominently displayed pieces is a painting he made in middle school. He also hates it. Which leads to this.


A security guard spots him and I have to help Mihara escape. Afterwards he justifies his actions.

No matter how you try to justify it, that painting wasn’t capable of consenting. Still, that’s a far more interesting date than “let’s take a nap,” so Mihara wins this round.

Note to self: when stealing Mihara’s hair in the night, also burn his wardrobe.

Hmmm…I’m very much considering adapting that look myself.

I know I said I was going to ignore him but

Having the authoritarian teacher ask me what Balls want just cracks me up.

Who is that stunning purple-haired, possibly crossdressing man who is in desperate need of some chinderwear? That is Goro, a famous fashion maven who shows up outside of your school for no good reason. He makes you close your eyes, declares himself inspired, and commands you to check his website.

Every season, Goro updates his website with a trendy piece of clothing, a trendy color, or a trendy accessory. Matching at least one of these requirements while on a date will make even the most fashion-senseless shut-in swoon. I hear tell that he’s also gettable, but lord almighty, why would I try?

After practicing hard in Art club and spending a lot of time chit-chatting with Fujii, I finally have increased my Social stat high enough to get a part-time job. It’s somewhat odd in that you get the only job that doesn’t lower any of your stats (and has a small chance of increasing any of them) first, while getting jobs that have drawbacks later on. Still, I’m not complaining, and I start working at Cafe Alucard every Tuesday and Thursday. Despite clearly having a goth name, the cafe does not require me to dress up like a vampire.

And who happens to be working next door?

Mr. Excitement! Wait. WAIT. Is that a dog collar on the outside of the collar of your open, sleeveless shirt? What kind of city is this?! What’s next, gillslits?

So here I am, innocently playing along, when this happens.

The cold fist of dread grips my heart. I have been here before. I will be here again. It is the last place I want to be, but I have no choice but to continue forward and face the horror that I know is waiting.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU oh god oh jesus where is my pepperspray? Where is my whistle? What kind of parents would send a teenage girl alone into the clutches of that moustache without a whistle?!

NO! Stop it! Stop talking to me and go away! Have you no decency?!

This is what BLS-chan always say after her first meeting with Amanohashi, and it makes me weep for her innocence. And now I realize I will be forced to play some of his path, just to demonstrate how very wrong and terrible it is. I feel dirty, and all he did was talk to me about church.

I’m guessing your name “BLS MNY” is so ballsy because naming of the characters is supposed to be in Japanese characters, putting English characters in there just looks weird.

“Balls”, using my Google translation fu, can be translated as “玉” (it can be translated as “球”, but “玉” is more feminine, which also means pearl).

As to the surname “Mahoney”, since it probably won’t show up often I suggest using the Japanese phonetic spelling: “マホニ” (translated to “Mahoni”, that sounds close enough…)

Thanks, I will keep that in mind next playthrough.

This thread is better than actually playing at least two games that I’m playing now.

Nyan :(

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No tentacle rape?