Too Many Bones is the game cited by Tom Chick in numerous podcasts, blog posts, forum posts, screeds, scrolls, scripts, screenplays, scraps, scrimshaws, and scrapbooks as “BETTOR THAN GLOOMHAVEN.” He actually spelled “better” that way. “Bettor.” This isn’t true but it accurately conveys the vibe. At first, I scoffed at this brazen declaration. Then I played Too Many Bones and found that it is, in fact, bettor than Gloomhaven. Having played Too Many Bones, I now look upon Gloomhaven as approximately as appealing as yesterday’s yogurt.
In Gloomhaven, you play a bog-standard Dungeons & Dragons class with a complicated name that looks like a dumb person’s idea of a superhero.
In Too Many Bones, you play a gross little rat-faced twerp. This is much more realistic.
In Gloomhaven, you draw and play 27 cards each turn in order to move your character two spaces and an orc three spaces. Then you have to shuffle 12 decks so you’re ready for the next turn.
In Too Many Bones, each combat starts with your characters placed toe-to-toe with the enemy. Movement is abstract and simple. After setup, I don’t think you ever shuffle a deck one time. Maybe if an event or an item tells you to.
In Gloomhaven, as soon as you open the box you have to punch approximately 97 million counters and separate them into baggies and there’s more you have to do also but I need a nap.
Ah, I’m back from my nap. Where was I? Oh, yes, talking about punching counters in Gloomhaven. Sorry, now I need another nap.
Ah, now it’s tomorrow. Where was I? Oh, yes. Let me quickly move on before slumber once again overtakes me. In Too Many Bones, you punch. Zero. Counters. That’s because the game consists of cards, dice, poker chips and neoprene mats that can be used as jar openers when you need a tasty midgame snack of pickled pigs’ feet. If there’s one thing I know about cards, dice, poker chips, and neoprene mats, it’s that they require no prep time. In addition, the cards are PLASTIC and if you spill any pickled pigs’ feet brine on them, it wipes right off, with only the slightest aftertaste left behind.
Anyway, I’m doing a playthrough of Too Many Bones with the Age of Tyranny expansion that transforms the game into CAMPAIGN MODE and I will write about it in this thread until I get bored of writing about it. Prepare your jars of pickled pigs’ feet.