"300"

Movies
1

I had very little desire to see this movie. It looked like an over the top, all testosterone flick. Every time I saw the trailer where the bearded guy screamed, “This… is… Sparta!” I rolled my eyes.

But a friend saw an advanced screening and came away impressed. He compared it - with a straight face - to a stylized Black Hawk Dawn (apparently the film is 45 minutes of pure battle, all incredibly beautifully shot). And RottenTomatoes.com currently has it scoring 100% across the board.

Opens in about a week!

2

And billions of teenage boners sprout overnight, like mushrooms.

3

100% with only 5 reviews can change really, really quick.

4

Yes, I know that you can’t search on three characters, but this makes the, what? Fourth 300 thread?

This is the original.

But here are a couple more if you’re looking for sweet 300 action.

PS I used “Frank Miller” as my search term to find them.

[edit] And how could I forget spiffy’s 300 thread?! Sorry. Didn’t mean to offend.

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5

OK, I know nothing about the comic. But that trailer was a bit odd. All the Spartans are apparently mirror-athlete body-builders. Every word they say on-screen is a paean to liberty and freedom.

For heaven’s sake, these are Spartans. Sure, they were the best and bravest warriors in their era, and their suicidal defense against Xerxes was amazing. But they were also products of one of the most cruel and inhumane social systems in history. They had a permanently subjugated slave race that they were allowed to kill for fun, without even incurring financial penalties. And they’re talking on-screen about liberty and freedom. Give me a break.

On the other hand, the movie does look kind of cool…

6

7

See, I see that poster, and all I can think is: “Damn, she’s hot. When’s that movie opening?”

8

But she says you will not enjoy this!

9

I’m looking forward to this one too, but there’s a scene in the trailer where (I’m assuming) King Leonidus tells his men, “Spartans, prepare for glory!”

How does one “prepare for glory?”

10

She must be talking about the movie, then, because I’m already thoroughly enjoying her ass.

11

C’mon Lum, the poster is a totally awesome subversive nod to the Spartans rampit I[/I] gayness. The “this” referred to in the poster is the hawt chick.

Anyway, no offense guys, but I’m nor entirely sure why everybody was all in for Sin City’s hyperviolence and glamorization of unpleasant matters (hitman, serial killers, voilence against prostitutes, etc.) and then naysay this film pre-emptively. As for the dialogue, you want they should speak ancient Greek? “Then we shall fight in the shade” is more than passable, I think.

I mean, come on guys…battle rhino. 'Nuff said, IMO.

12

Sure, but they’re talking about liberty and freedom for people. Helots aren’t people! They’re even further away from real people than, I don’t know, Athenians are.

13

Swordporn. I can’t think of a better term to describe it.

14

Spartans are into euphemism. Glory == death. In the case of Spartans, you prepare by doing your hair and nails. (Really. Just ask Troy.)

15

Everything about this movie looks fucking awesome to me. It takes a lot to drag me to the theater these days, but I will see this opening weekend for sure.

16

How about “Sissy Nancy-boy Detector?”

17

Actually, you get your Helot slaves to do your hair and nails. The really hot and muscular Helot slaves.

This looks like it will be a fun, gory and stylish movie. Anyone looking for history is in the wrong place, but the “Thermopylae as defense of freedom” stuff is a common pop history theme in the way that The Alamo is.

For some reason, pointless, dramatic and total defeats have gravitas that resonates in way that, say, skillful victories like Marathon or Salamis don’t. There’s something appealing about the last stand against a wave of enemies, like that time you were running out of healing potions but the rats kept coming.

Troy

18

I’m looking forward to 300, though not as much as my wife, but I almost wish they had just gone with the original story. It’s an amazing story historical story that could have been damned interesting without all of the crazy shit they’ve added on.

19

You would think so. But then you watch the wooden acting in [I]The 300 Spartans[/I] and you wish someone would show up with a battle rhino.

The problem with historical epics is that all the characters know they are in historical epics.

Troy

20

I expect that’ll remain the case until death’s a minor and long-since-cured medical condition. Every individual life’s story is a tragedy, and all that.

I’ll be disappointed if 300 has any gravitas at all. Because, yes, battle rhino. I don’t expect it to approach the gayness of Commando, because really, what can? But I expect it to try.