Transformers: Rise of the Beasts - Robots that turn into robot animals for reasons

Directed by Steven Caple Jr. and starring Anthony Ramos and Dominique Fishback, the film arrives in theatres June 9, 2023.

Transformers Beasts stuff has been a thing for quite some time. No I don’t know why.

Oh I know. It’s right there with Dinobots in wackiness, but at least the Dinobots have the excuse of being trapped or whatever for millennia whereas the beasts have no real reason for being animal-bots instead of cars, tanks, planes, etc.

It’s a reasonable assumption that the movie will tell us! I’m sure they’ll come up with a reasonable explanation.

In the original Beast Wars cartoon, I think it was some sort of defense against radiation or contamination (e.g., the organic form protected them from this radiation/contamination) on the planet they crashed on (early, high radiation Earth?). Not sure what explanation they would have, here, since it’s presumably modern Earth.

I am a total Transformers fanboy, but I’ve never been able to get into Beast Wars. 9-year-old me fell in love with robots that turned into cars and planes and such, dammit, not gorillas or whatever.

Maybe they’re Beast Pretender Power Head Masters TargetMasters where there’s a humanoid robot inside their beast robot form whose head is a smaller organic humanoid from the planet Nebulos who shoot weapons that also transform into robots?

There were big fandom schism and flame wars during the 90s-00s on Usenet TRUKK vs MUNKEE!!!

Ugh… I already miss Travis Knight. Bumblebee was fun, and well made. This already looks and feels like they’re trying to pull another Michael Bay… which is understandable I guess given his shitty films made more money than BB, but it feels shortsighted.

Craftwise, looks pretty poor as far as these films go…I mean, look how clunky that Porsche swapping front-to-back shot was, camera and editting wise it’s really not very clear in intent, and how magical all the bits floating around are. All the transformations are smooth and magical rubbish.

I’m a big fan of the toys, the old Marvel and some of the IDW comics, but watching this does not scratch the itch. Not a huge fan of the Beast Wars stuff either but that’s not what’s bothering me here.

I was under the impression that Prime died in one of the last movies. I missed one or two along the way, though. I guess he came back.

Apparently that’s a common thing.

Looking like a robot animal isn’t much of a disguise. They need to stop fronting and just admit some Autobots are furries.

I started this. I was kinda enjoying it. The premise of animal robots is still dumb, but whatever. It started cute like the Bumblee movie.

Then, Pete Davidson showed up as the voice of Mirage. I have no feelings about Mirage one way or the other, but I hate Pete Davidson.

I don’t know if I’m going to be able to finish this.

Aawwww, I thought you meant this guy.

Fifth_Doctor_(Doctor_Who)

LOL, that version is one Pete Davidson-ass Mirage.

I powered through. Folks, it was hard to finish this. It was maybe one of the toughest watches I’ve done. I detest Pete Davidson, and there’s a lot of him in this. This was tougher for me than Bodies Bodies Bodies, which I really hated.

When I mentally subtract Pete Davidson, this was okay. Not the worst Transformers movie, but not as good as Bumblebee. There was a lot of dumb stuff in it, but I think it gets more leeway since it’s about robot animals, so you’re going into it accepting some measure of stupid. It’s basically another multi-part MacGuffin hunt. Some mystical key thing that can something something and Unicron will be free to eat the galaxy so they gotta get it first. There’s a CG laser beam of light that blasts into the sky all ominously twice. Twice! Like they couldn’t figure out another CG threat.

I like Anthony Ramos and he certainly carries this movie by really leaning into his part. He’s surrounded by garbage-ass CG robot animals (with fur and feathers for some reason) and Pete Davidson chuckling in his annoying way, while Ramos is trying his level best to take it all seriously.

I have no clue who these animal Transformers are. The beast dudes showed up way after I stopped watching the old 80’s cartoon, so I have no attachment to them or the main baddies. The only new (for the modern movies) character I recognized was Unicron. The question I have is: why does the gorilla robot bother transforming into the human version robot? He’s already bipedal and strong and it’s not like his 25ft metal gorilla form is any kind of camouflage anyway.

Props to the person that decided the main bad guy Transformer should turn into the truck from Duel, complete with rusty-colored paint and spewing black exhaust.